Captured
by Birchwood29
Summary: Snape captures Hermione to use her as bait. What happens when his plan goes wrong and he is forced to keep her in his house?COMPLETED! SEE SEQUEL, BEING MRS. SNAPE...Hmm...I guess that's a spoiler alert...
1. The Art of Being Annoying

I looked around the room but couldn't see anything. I only barely registered the fact that I had a blindfold over my eyes. My hands were securely tied behind my back, my legs were strapped to the legs of the chair, and something gross was in my mouth. I pulled at the ropes slightly and stopped. I tried listening for a while but still I heard nothing. Where the crap was I?

I waited another ten minutes or so before I started to struggle again. Suddenly I heard a few pops and I looked up.

"You left her alone?" came a cold voice. It sounded somewhat familiar. It couldn't be-? No it wouldn't be…Would it? The blindfold was taken off my eyes and I looked around.

Crap it was. There stood Snape, Lucius, and Wormtail.

"I assure you she cant get out otherwise I wouldn't have left to come get you," Snape said bitterly.

"Yes, well what does she know?" Lucius asked rudely.

"I have no idea. I was told to secure her, and go directly to you," Snape said matching the cold tone. He undid the rag in my mouth and I spit it out.

"Ew," I mumbled gagging on the taste.

"Well?" Wormtail asked me.

"Well what?" I said coldly.

"Do not take that tone with us you filthy mudblood!" Snape said angrily. "We have your boyfriend and if you don't tell us he will die."

"That's funny," I said frowning. "I don't have a boyfriend."

The three men exchanged glances.

"You are dating Potter are you not?" Lucius asked me.

"I am not," I said matching his proper tone. "So basically you have my friend."

"None the less, Harry must be very near and dear to your heart," Wormtail said smirking.

"Eh," I said shrugging. I was trying to make them angry.

"I don't think you understand the seriousness of this situation. In minutes the Dark Lord will be here and if you don't tell us now you will be tortured or killed," Snape said angrily.

"Which one?" I asked settling back.

"Excuse me?" Malfoy asked raising his eyebrows.

"Well what am I going to be tortured or killed. One or the other," I said sounding bored.

"Both," Snape said narrowing his eyes.

"I see," I said not really caring.

"Listen mudblood-" Snape began.

"Hey wasn't your father muggle?" I asked Snape turning my head to the side. Snape stopped instantly. "Wouldn't that make you a half-breed. Half witch, half muggle. So really calling me a mudblood is very hypocritical."

"You will not take that tone with me!" Snape roared.

"I think I did," I teased. I could see I was getting to the three of them. All I needed was for them to do a curse on me and I could slide out of these ropes. If I was correct, these were magically tied, so any counter magic would undo the ropes and I could grab my wand which was in my sock. The spell wouldn't effect me, I would just have to grab my wand in the least amount of time as possible. I read it in a book.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but it isn't working," Lucius said viciously.

"Oh but it is," I said sagely and nodding.

Lucius grabbed his wand out of his robes and aimed an attack.

"I am so scared. Please don't point that at me. I'm too young to die," I said in a fake scared voice. "You are the worst kidnappers ever. Cheap too."

"We don't feel the need to waste money on filthy mudbloods like yourself," Snape said angrily after lowering Malfoy's hand.

"What's that half-breed?" I asked turning my head to him.

"All right do it," Snape said and Malfoy aimed a wand at me. I yawned and looked around.

"Where am I?" I asked looking around.

"My home," Snape said nodding at Malfoy who raised his arm again.

"Your home?" I snorted. "Figures. I mean with you being gay and all."

Snape sputtered for a second and Malfoy and Wormtail turned to him.

"I am not gay," Snape roared.

"Alright calm down you pixie," I said. "Just trying to make small talk. Can I have some water? I'm really parched. Actually if you have it, apple juice. Do you have apple juice? Maybe some crackers and dip?" I looked at the three Death Eaters who were looking at me with such a fury I was almost afraid. "If you don't have dip I guess I can manage." I heaved a deep sigh. "Well go on go get it!" I nodded at Snape.

"You know I could torture her for a while until the Dark Lord arrives," Malfoy said nodding at me.

"No, she cant be harmed in any way until he arrives," Snape said regretfully.

"Hey Snape what's going on over there? I clearly asked you for some crackers and I don't see any in front of me! Come on bitch have at it," I said trying not to laugh out loud. This was so funny. I wish Ron and Harry could see what was happening. I hope their not dead or something. I feel bad for Harry. They probably don't even have Harry.

Snape looked over at me.

"Silence yourself before I do it," Snape yelled at me.

"I have to pee," I complained. "My nose itches."

"Shut her up!" Snape roared at Wormtail. He advanced at me and I sighed.

"Hello Peter. Last time I saw you, you were scurrying away from your friends after Harry let them go. Pretty rubbish thing to do, but hey who am I to judge? I mean look at me! I am sitting in Snape's home, close to my death…Ah well. Silence me," I looked over at him tragically.

"Silence," Snape said walking back into the room. "You know it would be a shame to hurt that pretty little face of yours."

"Aw, thank you," I said sounding touched. "You know I could do wonders for your hair. Have you ever considered dread-locks? I think they would be great with you complexion."

"Miss Granger I am very close to killing you and Mr. Potter," Snape said silkily.

"Oh yeah? Well I am really close to passing out. Try a tic-tac. Or even better a toothbrush. They do wonders," I said smiling.

Snape and Malfoy turned away from me. They were obviously trying not to kill me. I was being as annoying as possible. I watched them walk to the far end of the room and sighed.

"Oi!" I yelled. "Who do I have to screw to get some apple juice?"

A/N Please read and review. This is something I had saved after HBP and thought I'd publish it and see the feedback.


	2. What the Hell is Dust?

"She better keep her mouth shut when the Dark Lord arrives," Malfoy growled. He glanced at me and I could tell he wanted to hex me into oblivion.

"Malfoy, be a dear and get me some water!" I called smugly. "I want water. Get me water before I have to go into yet another rendition of 'It's A Small World After All'."

"Get her a fucking glass of water," Snape spat. Malfoy went into the kitchen and came back out with a clean glass. He put it to my lips and tipped it back. It splashed all over my face and went down my nose.

"Is that any way to treat a guest?" I asked sweetly. "Now go get out of my sight." I close my eyes tightly and looked away. Malfoy reddens angrily and backs away quickly like he cant control what he would do if he was left close to her much longer.

Suddenly there was a cold sweep and the entire room became still and tense. I knew he was here. I was afraid. He walked slowly over to me.

"Well, well, well," Voldemort said with a cold smirk. "I see we have ourselves a captive." he placed a hand out and rubbed my cheek. I resisted a shudder and wanted his hand off my cheek.

"Dark Lord, it seems that she doesn't know," Malfoy muttered. Voldemort turned back to me and looked into my eyes.

"I see she is telling the truth. Well we shall just keep her here until the last of our plan is put into action," Voldemort said with a sly smile.

"Can we just kill her?" Malfoy asked a little desperately.

"No, I think we shall keep her right here. Severus, you do not mind if she boards with you for the moment? I say, the summer should do well. She shall be your servant to make up for the inconvenience. Then in September we shall be ready," Voldemort got ready to leave. "I want her alive and happy when I return. You are under no circumstances to hex her. I shall know."

He left and I turned to Snape with a smirk.

"Hey roomie," I said with a smile. Snape regarded me with great distaste.

"You may go. I shall take care of her," Snape said shortly. Both Wormtail and Malfoy looked relieved and left. "If I untie you, you are not to run. Understand?"

"Fine I wont run," I answered boredly. I really wasn't worried yet. Someone obviously had to understand I was missing. They would know I was kidnapped and they would come after me. They had to. Or I was really going to live with Snape, and I was most surely going to be killed in September.

Snape untied my foot. I suddenly had the strange urge to kick him in the face. "If you kick me you will regret it." I rolled my eyes.

"So this whole, 'I am going to rule the Wizarding World' act is what? Compensation for something missing downstairs?" I asked smirking. Snape looked livid.

"If it were up to me, you would be long dead," Snape snarled coming closer to my face.

"Well last time I checked it wasn't up to you," I said coming closer. "You kill me Voldemort will be most displeased."

"Do not use the Dark Lords name!" Snape hissed.

"What are you going to do about it?" I asked back smirking. He looked like any minute he was going to smack me across the face.

"I like my tea early in the morning. About six or so," Snape said smiling.

"I like my tea later. More around nine," I retorted.

"You will bring me my tea at six or there will be hell to pay," Snape snarled. He grasped me tightly around the arm and tugged me up the stairs. He thrust me down a gray hallway.

"Do I get a uniform?" I asked smiling. "Let me guess. Is it black?"

Snape did not answer. He opened the door and shoved me into a room that was really bare. There was a bed, a dresser, a closet, a window, a mirror, and a small bedside table that held a tiny lamp.

"This is my room?" I asked looking around.

"This is where you shall stay," Snape said stiffly.

"Don't entertain much huh?" I asked with another smirk. He looked really angry. "You want to hit me don't you?"

"Very much so," Snape said glancing over at me.

"Can I have a book?" I asked looking around at the room.

"No," Snape said silkily.

"I cant have a book? You are refusing me literature?" I asked sounding outraged. He snarled and walked out of the room. It snapped shut and I small jingle told me he had locked me into the room. I sighed and walked over to the bed. Minutes later the door burst open and he walked back in with a large volume. He tossed it onto my lap.

"Oof!" I cried. I looked at the cover. "'A History of Pus'? I already read this."

"No you didn't," Snape said angrily.

"Yes, you had us read it for your class," I answered sweetly. He snarled again and left. I really wasn't expecting him to come back but he did. In his arms were seven large books.

"That should last you a week. Pace yourself," Snape said irritably and left the room. He snapped the door shut and for the first time I felt a wave of panic sweep over me. I was really trapped. I felt sick, and the walls were closing in on me. What if no one notices I was gone? What happens then? In September I will die after I'm tortured and probably raped. This is not happening. This is not happening.

With a sudden wave of fatigue, I dropped onto the cushy bed and fell asleep instantly.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Wake up!" a sharp voice was piercing through my dreams. "Get up this instant!" I turned over and saw an angry Snape standing over me.

"Oh this wasn't a dream!" I moaned into my pillow.

"What did I tell you about my tea? I wanted it at six sharp and it is now six-fifteen," Snape said impatiently.

"You locked my door!" I bellowed turning over and sitting up. Snape opened his mouth to say something and stopped. I saw slight color creeping into his cheeks. "If I could open the door I would not be here right now." I threw the blankets off and noticed the door was wide open. "And you leave the door open?" Snape turned and quickly walked over and shut it. "Seriously, how many people have you kept hostage?"

"Miss Granger I do not like your tone. I will wake you every morning at five-fifty sharp. You will make my tea and bring it into the study. You may do so now," Snape added as I folded my arms.

"Fine, I should warn you: Last time I tried to make something on the stove it burst into flames and my kitchen was completely ruined," I said walking towards the door.

"Well what were you trying to make?" Snape asked curiously as he led me down into the kitchen.

"Hot coco. I picked up the pot and paper towel fell onto the flame and then onto the floor. I didn't even realize that the gas was still running until I was blasted into the dining room. Ruined my kitchen," I said remembering how scared my parents were when I flew through the wall and past them.

"You blow up my kitchen and I will be most displeased," Snape said thrusting me into the gray kitchen.

"What am I smelling?" I said sniffing around. He looked over at me and narrowed his eyes.

"I am not falling for that," Snape said with a triumphant smile.

"Seriously it smells like something died," I said sniffing around. I got near his back door when he grabbed my arm.

"Nice try," Snape said into my ear and led me away from it. "These doors are sealed shut and can not open unless my voice activates them. You can apparate in here. You will write to your parents and tell them that you are taking a vacation and will be back in September."

"They'll never believe that. They'll get suspicious and write to Harry," I said shaking my head.

"Right and he'll be worried when he cant contact you," Snape said smiling. "The Dark Lord has thought everything out. He will succeed."

"Right, 'cuz you know the saying. Eighth times a charm," I said winking at him. He once again looked furious.

"You will not speak so," Snape hissed taking me by the arms. "He is going to rise and when he does everyone you knew or thought you knew will be dead. Then, when I get the word, so will you."

"If you don't let go of me right now I am going to knee you so hard your entire family feels it," I snarled into his face. He didn't look like he believed me until I stepped back and lifted my knee. He caught it with a look of amusement.

"Well I didn't think you had it in you," Snape said smirking. He pushed me back and I almost lost my balance. "My tea." he turned and left the room. I almost started to cry but managed to control myself. I made him his stupid tea. I spit into it a couple of times and walked out of the kitchen.

"Marco!" I called looking around the halls. There was no answer. "Marco!" I tried again. Snape stuck his head out of a room and quickly went back in. I walked down the hall and into the room.

"Who the hell is Marco?" Snape snapped as I placed the tea near his hands.

"You know Marco and Polo? It's a game. Oh right you don't play games," I said sarcastically. He looked up and glared at me. "Ooh! What are these?" I reached out to grab a book and Snape was suddenly at my side. He swiped my hand away.

"You are not to touch those," he snarled.

"Alright," I answered huffily. I reached out for another one and he slapped my hand again.

"What is the matter with you? Are you trying to drive me insane?" Snape finally screamed looking murderous.

"Yes. It seems to be working too. I am going to be under your skin until you kill me," I said smiling. "Now I need to shower. May I have a towel, clean clothes, and a razor?"

"No," Snape snarled and sat down.

"No? Fine." I said and turned away from him.

"Where do you think you are going?" Snape yelled at my retreating back. "Get down here right now!"

I didn't listen and stormed up the stairs. I finally found the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Glancing around I took in the tiny bathroom. It looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a month. I turned the faucet and was surprised to see clean water coming out.

Snape suddenly burst into the room.

"Excuse you," I snapped.

"You are my maid, the help," Snape said angrily. "They do not take showers in the middle of the day. Not when there is work to be done."

"I am not a maid! To be a maid you need to apply for a job. I was forced into this, I am dirty and smelly and I really have to pee! I want you to leave me alone!" I said suddenly sobbing uncontrollably. "Happy? Now I'm crying!" I turned away from him. "You don't even have any tissues! What is the matter with you? You frigging hermit!"

Snape suddenly turned and left the room. The door closed with a sharp snap. He returned minutes later carrying several towels and a bathrobe.

"I will have clothes for you by the time you get out of the shower," Snape said and left the room again. I sobbed again big gulpy sobs that make your ribs hurt. I finally peeled off my shirt and hopped into the shower. When I came out I dried off and got into the bathrobe. I slowly walked over to my room and saw seven crisp, blue maid's uniforms sitting on the bed. Next to them was a pair of sneakers, underwear, bra's, and a razor. I sighed and got dressed. I felt completely humiliated.

When I walked down the stairs he was no where in sight. I tried to apparate several times to no avail. I even tried to lift the windows. They wouldn't budge.

I sat down on a chair and began to pick at my nails.

"What are you doing?" Snape snarled suddenly appearing from nowhere.

"Nothing," I said dully.

"You have work to do," Snape said gesturing around.

"Well tell me what you want to do. I don't read minds. Unlike you," I added staring at him.

"Dust," Snape said shortly.

"I am allergic to dust. I'll have a break down," I said raising my eyebrows.

"Tough," Snape snapped.

"Do you know what that means?" I asked again. "My lungs will close up and I will most likely die." Ok so I was lying. I am not allergic to dust. I'm allergic to pollen.

"You are allergic to pollen. Nice try," Snape said smirking. He handed me a feather dusted.

"I don't know what you want me to do with this," I said taking it from him with two fingers.

"Dust," Snape said like it was obvious.

"If you haven't guessed, I have not cleaned a day in my life," I said looking at him with pity.

"You never had to do chores as a child?" Snape asked raising his eyebrows.

"Nope," I said shaking my head.

"Who did it then?" Snape asked folding his arms.

"I went to a boarding school. The janitorial staff did all my chores," I said crossing my legs.

"Well learn," Snape said snapping his fingers at me.

"I'm not a dog," I snarled. I stood though.

"I also want lunch at noon," Snape said as he turned to leave.

"Good I'm famished," I said noticing the way my stomach rumbled.

Snape turned to me. "Excuse me?"

"What I don't even get to eat with you? What the F?" I stomped into the drawing room and glanced around. What does dust even look like? I am pretty sure he is going to kill me. I can feel it. I am annoying him to no return. Meaning my plan is working. I should be free within a month.

A/N Please read and review.


	3. Toast

I sneezed six times before I decided to get the hell away from dust. Seriously why even make it? And this stupid feather duster? It makes everything worse. I swear it leapt out of my hand and made more of a mess. It was so ridiculous.

I was just about finished, aka I was sitting in a chair reading a book from a shelf, when a bell rang. I kid you not, a bell. I slammed the book shut and walked out of the room.

"What!" I barked into the house.

"Get in here!" Snape snarled. I rolled my eyes. Finally I found him, you think to make everything easier for me he would give me a tour. But no, hell no. I have to wander aimlessly around and then listen to him bitch when I don't get there quick enough.

I walked back into the study.

"Yes?" I asked rudely.

"I would like for you to make me some toast," Snape said not looking up.

"Seriously?" I asked like he was joking.

"Yes," Snape said angrily now looking up.

"What the hell gives you the impression that I can make toast? Is it the way I 'dust' or my impeccable knowledge of a kitchen? I don't even know what a toaster looks like!" I snapped.

"It is about yay high with two slots in it," Snape said out lining a box in the air.

"Cant you just summon toast?" I asked angrily.

"I could, but that is not why I have a maid," Snape said with a sarcastic smirk. I felt anger bubbling inside of me.

"I am seriously considering killing you tonight," I said with a calm expression. Snape looked at me like he didn't believe me. "What would you like on your toast? Jam, peanut butter, marmalade, rat poison?"

"What was that last one?" Snape said angrily looking up.

"Marmalade?" I asked with an innocent expression.

"I guarantee you kill me now and you will be dead within the hour," Snape said with a vicious smile. "Also when you finish getting me my toast I would like for you to clean my bathroom."

"No way," I snapped.

"You will do as I say," Snape roared.

"No you crazy bastard! I want to write to my mother. Now!" I said stomping my foot.

"No," Snape said. So I did what I did when I was a child. I held my breath, grabbed a hold of my ears, and stomped around until I got my way. My parents used to give in right away to stop me from doing it. I was now stomping around erratically. "What are you doing? Stop it. I mean it stop it this instant!"

I stomped until I almost passed out, and then to my complete disbelief, Snape caved.

"Alright," he snarled shoving past me. I clapped happily. He returned looking livid. "Write your fucking letter I will get my own fucking toast you worthless piece of shit!" he screeched.

"Thanks you big softie!" I said happily. He rushed out of the room. I sat down. And began to write as I spoke out loud. "'Dear Mum,…" I stopped. I really have not had a conversation with my mother in years. I mean obviously I had to make a hidden message. Every letter I needed to make into a message, I put a splotch next to it. Snape returned fifteen minutes later carrying a platter of toast.

"Have some," he said grudgingly shoving some in my face.

"Did you poison it?" I asked jokingly.

"No," Snape said looking like he didn't mean it. "Give me your letter."

"No!" I said covering it up. "Did you ever hear of privacy?"

"You are being held captive!" Snape roared.

"You just gave me toast! I have never, ever heard of a kidnapper to say 'Have some toast!' I would not advise kidnapping anymore people. Really this is like living with my grandfather," I said shaking my head and grabbing some toast.

"Is he dead?" Snape asked viciously.

"Yes," I said sadly.

"Oh," Snape said not looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be," I snapped. "You didn't kill him."

"Who says?" Snape said with a smirk.

"He fell off his fishing boat into the water. He was drunk. I highly doubt that is Death Eater ways," I said shaking my head.

"How old were you when he died?" Snape asked. I frowned. Something was happening. Either he was letting his guard down or I was really just poisoned.

"Sixteen," I said looking over at the picture on the wall.

"What about your parents?" Snape asked quietly.

I snorted. "Honestly, I'll be lucky if they show up to my funeral. You'd have to pull them away from their work. God forbid," I said scathingly.

"So will they notice you missing?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Highly doubtful. When I moved out I think it was the happiest day of their life," I said shaking my head.

"Your parents did not like you?" Snape asked looking amused.

"No. My parents had to get married because my mother got pregnant with me. They were miserable my entire life. Blamed me too. Like I told my parents to have premarital sex," I said smiling slightly.

"So who will miss you?" Snape asked frowning.

"No one," I said now sadly. "I have not talked to Harry or Ron in years."

Snape looked panicked. "Really?"

"No, what do you think I'm an idiot? I know you put a truth potion on the toast. I spit it out," I said with a smirk. He looked angry. "I wasn't not the smartest witch in my year for nothing! Now show me to your bathroom."

"Get out of my sight!" Snape said. I thought he was going to leap out and kill me.

"So I don't have to clean your bathroom?" I asked feeling slightly more happy. I barely registered of something flying at my face before it hit me. It was a piece of toast. "You threw toast at me?" I asked snorting. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a sense of giddiness that I slumped to the floor and held my sides. "So I'm not even good enough for a book?"

Snape got up and picked me up. "I am very close to killing you."

"Really? That's nice. Then can you please move a head and do it. This whole being held captive thing is getting borderline ridiculous," I said shrugging. "Also for your information, my mother will have every police officer in London looking for me when I don't show up. Not to mention what will happen when the Order gets involved."

"It will be too late then," Snape said with a smile.

"What if I just tell Harry not to come and get me? Tell him what is going on?" I asked trying to get his hands off of me.

"Then I will kill you," Snape snarled now inches from my face. I looked into his eyes. I could see my reflection in them.

"Oh my god," I cried horrified.

"I'm glad you finally see the severity of this situation," Snape said satisfied.

"My hair! Look at my hair! It is all over the place! Stay still!" I commanded making him look at me. "Do you have a brush?" I then looked at his hair. "Stupid question. I also guess shampoo is out of the question? I was afraid of that. Alright show me to your bathroom."

A/N Please read and review.


	4. Lunch

Snape left me alone until lunch. Then he came looking for me. I was wiping down the mirror and humming to myself. I had even begun to dance when he cleared his throat. I slowly turned to him going slightly pink.

"Serve lunch," Snape said shortly.

"Who made it?" I asked frowning.

"I did," Snape said sounding annoyed.

"So you made it but cant serve it? Whatever," I walked past him and down the stairs. I really didn't know where I was going so I turned the corner into a room.

"No!" Snape said going in after me. I raised my eyebrows. It was done in a bright yellow with a green bedspread.

"Yours?" I asked smiling.

"Get out," Snape snarled grabbing me by the arms.

"Is it your mothers?" I tried again. Snape didn't answer. "Its really pretty. Better than my room at home."

Snape's vein was pulsing at an alarming rate. He was gripping me really tight and I was almost certain there was going to be a bruise in the morning. He shoved me into the kitchen and I opened the fridge door.

"You did have apple juice!" I said taking it into the dining room. I had the juice in one hand and the sandwiches in another. "Your lunch Madam." I said dipping into a low bow. Snape made another angry noise in his throat and took it from me.

"Sit," Snape said pointing to a chair on the other side of the table.

"Yes Madam," I said bowing again. He was now making jerky movements with his hands. I sat down on the other side of the table and glance around. "I like these chairs. Pretty."

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear you make another noise!" Snape finally screeched. I put my glass down and folded my arms. I tapped my foot on the floor for a while before he looked up. "Go away."

"No, I am tired and hungry and your bathroom was gross," I said angrily.

"Then eat!" Snape roared.

"Not like that I wont eat," I said mimicking my mother.

"What is it that you want?" Snape finally asked sounding more angry than ever.

"I want you to be polite to me. I may be your 'slave' but I am still human you crazy bastard," I snapped.

"I am calm now. You can not annoy me anymore," Snape said after ten minutes of me tapping my nails on the table.

"I was the one who stole the ingredients out of your cabinet in second year," I said smirking. Snape stiffened angrily. "Then I made a polyjuice potion with it and went into the Slytherin common room. Also, in third year I took my time turner and went back in time so that Sirius could escape. And that was why you didn't get that stupid little award. That seems to be the way you people work. Get awards for things you sure as hell don't deserve. Like take Wormtail, he was 'killed' and his mother got an award. Really if you think about it, his mother got an award for him slaughtering twelve people and framing his best friend. After he killed his other friends. You were going to get an award for capturing Sirius who you knew was innocent because you know what Wormtail did, and Malfoy…huh that man got so many awards for nothing. You are all very sad." I stood up and walked from the room. I didn't hear him following him.

"Do you know what those boys did to me?" Snape growled taking me by the arms again.

"No and I don't care. Honestly it looks like you deserve it right now," I snarled.

"Get out of my sight," Snape said and I was sure he was going to hit me.

"You need to let go of me," I said loosing the grip on my arms. "Now what would you like me to do?"

"Go to your room," Snape said turning on his heel.

"What and just sit there?" I asked angrily.

"Yes! I am going out, when I come back I don't want to see you out of that room!" Snape basically roared at me.

"Where are you going?" I called desperately. He dragged me up the stairs and locked me in my room. I called for him for a second. He was not answering me though. I heard the front door slam. I picked the lock and I ran to it. I tugged on the handle trying to desperately get out. Nothing worked it would open for me. I then went to the windows and began to tug at them. They would open, even when I chucked a pot at them. It bounced off and neatly into my arms.

I turned and looked around the house. Well I could snoop at least. I walked up the stairs and down the hall to his room. Nothing out of the ordinary. He just liked to fold his underwear and have them in a neat pile. For kicks I mussed them up. Then I left that room and walked down the stairs.

I got to the living room and glance around. Something was off. I instantly ran to the bookshelves and grabbed the first book I saw. That was when it happened. The wall popped off and slid open. I had just thought how much trouble I was going to be in for breaking his wall off, when I saw stairs. There was a creak at the top. I quickly slid the door back and made sure it stayed shut. I was panting now. Was there Death Eaters up there? Could I escape? I was just contemplating going back in when I heard footsteps. I turned around and hauled ass up the stairs. Once in my 'room' I slid down on the bed and opened the book. I realized I still had the one in my hand and I threw it under the mattress.

My door creaked open and Snape walked in looking livid.

"Did you come out of this room?" Snape whispered.

"No you forgot to lock it," I snapped.

"I did not forget!" Snape said angrily.

"Yes you did! It swung open like five minutes ago and I shut it," I said looking back down at the book. My heart was pounding into my chest and I was sure he could hear it.

"Liar. You were snooping!" Snape hissed.

"Don't flatter yourself," I snapped.

"You will not eat until you tell me the truth," Snape said crossing his arms.

"I was anorexic for three years. I went a week with out food. Of course I passed out mind you," I said shrugging. "I didn't go downstairs. Really you need not get your knickers in a twist."

Snape looked at me with narrowed eyes and I thought of anything but the door.

"Can I have a lock on the inside of this door? And maybe on the bathroom? I mean I'm not modest but if you're going to be having Death Eater meetings here, I don't want Voldemort to walk in on me. You know what I mean? Talk about gross. Have you ever seen Voldemort naked? Was I right? Does he have a little penis and he is using this whole world domination crap as compensation?" I asked watching Snape turn angry again. "Locks on the door yay or nay?" I asked placing my hands on my hips.

"I am having a meeting in no less than forty-five minutes. You are to stay up here and keep your mouth shut or the Dark Lord will kill you," Snape said silkily.

"Will he? Will he really?" I asked not caring. "Kudos for the Dark Lord!"

"What is the matter with you? Does the fact that you are going to die bother you in the slightest?" Snape snarled.

"You think it might," I said shaking my head. "Life's a bitch."

"Shut up," Snape said angrily.

"Why do you come in here? You know I am going to annoy you, why bother?" I asked. "I really need to pee."

"Then go," Snape said moving aside.

"Do you have a t.v.? No? Alright. I guess I can manage. All my programs are repeating anyways. Can I please have something to drink? I am parched like whoa!" I was talking very fast trying to irritate him again. This was like the best thing ever. You know, besides the face that I am going to be tortured and killed soon. But right now, I am having so much fun. "Wanna play a game?" I asked smirking.

"No," Snape said turning and leaving.

"If you don't play I am going to sing again! I mean it!" I didn't get a response so I started singing loud and off-key. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODYS NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOS…I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES, EVERYBODYS NERVES, EVERYBODYS NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOS…I KNOW A-" I was cut off by his hand.

"Shut up! I am going to beg for permission to kill you tonight. Say goodbye to the world," Snape hissed angrily at me.

"Is it because of my singing? Are you killing me because my voice is a little off? Severus, tell me what I did wrong! Please don't kill me!" I screamed in a fake voice and threw myself onto his legs. I began to sob big fake sobs.

"Get off of me!" Snape yelled. I got up on my knees and stayed there only so that he knew that was where I was, then I stood up.

"As you wish," I said and could see his cheeks slightly flushed.

"Hopefully I will be up later to kill you," Snape said angrily. He left and I rolled my eyes. Even though panic was sweeping into me I wasn't going to give him any satisfaction and become afraid. I would just have to wait and see what happens.


	5. My Ticket Out!

I sat down hard on the bed. According to my watch it was way past midnight. I wonder if I was really going to die. It would suck if I did. I heard Snape moving around downstairs and tried to handle to my door. It was locked. I sat down in one big defeated lump. I was so dead, maybe if I hadn't annoyed him all day he would be more lenient. Now he was going to come up and kill me. I was going to die half a virgin!

I lay my head on the pillow and felt silent streams fall off my face. This was so stupid, why was I even kidnapped? Do they even have Harry? What happened to my letter? This pillow smells so bad! Who did his laundry? I cant stop crying!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Haha! Bitches, for guesses who still alive! That's right I, Hermione Jane Granger, was not murdered in my sleep! Sweet banana cream pie! I was in the middle of a victory dance when Snape barged in. I was so shocked I tripped over my feet and fell into the wall.

"Go make my tea," Snape said looking like he would very much want to whip out his wand and kill me. Whatever. Obviously he cant because they need me! Haha. Voldemort needs me. Moi. I am giddy beyond belief I don't even say anything just go down in the kitchen and make his tea. While the water bubbles I try the door again. Still locked. Ah well.

After I brought Snape his tea I did his laundry. He didn't even have to ask me. I am such a good housekeeper! The best ever. I belong in the Hall of Fame. Of course I didn't know how to work his washer and it began to smoke and slosh water all over the floor and ruined what looked like a good pair of boots, but whatever. I don't even know why he has all this muggle crap. He is a 'pure-blood hypocrite' grease ball. I said it and I'll say it again. I wont think it near him though, he'll kill me.

"Granger!" a rude voice bellowed below me. I winced and walked down the stairs. Ok, maybe it looks like I'm scared but that is all part of my plan. I am not going to annoy him for like a few days to a week, then wham! He is going to want to kill me. Then if I can…I'll have to sleep with him. Gross, I know.

When I walked into the laundry room and saw he looked fuming.

"Yes?" I asked as politely as I could muster.

"What happened to my clothes?" Snape said holding them up. I gaped. His entire wardrobe had turned to a light shade of pink. "Please tell me you didn't add bleach, then something red into the laundry."

I looked down at my hands trying not to smile.

"You are worthless you know that? The Dark Lord says this is a big fucking advantage. My own maid, well he said slave, that cant clean. Fucking brilliant! I could of messed up my own clothes thank you very much. So far I have had to make YOU lunch, wake YOU up, buy YOU clothes, and this is supposed to be fun for me? How? I have come close to killing you twice! I can not last eighty-eight more days of this! I will seriously go insane!" Snape said breathing deeply. He looked like he was going insane. "Well what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Your fly is open," I said looking up at him. He turned a slight shade of red and looked down. Sure enough his underwear was peeking through the hole in his pants. He cleared his throat and zipped himself up. I picked up his empty tea cup and walked into the kitchen. As soon as I got there I burst into fits of giggles. He would probably leave me alone after that.

The door burst open minutes later and Snape walked in and sat down at the table. I was in the middle of washing dishes. I paused for a second. I could put one part of my plan into action! Oh yeah I could.

I continued to wash dishes but began to moan as loud as I could in my mind. It got louder, faster, and more graphic as each minutes passed. The only reason I noticed it was working because the scratching of his quill had stopped and he wasn't moving. I saw his reflection in the window, stiff as a board.

I let a soft moan pass through my lips and noticed he closed his eyes. I smirked and began to talk as dirty as I could. As I progressed I could feel a slight blush creep onto my face. I placed my hands firmly on the sink and rolled my head around.

Turning around I continued to moan as loud and erratically as I could.

"Are you ok?" I asked faking concern. "You look peaky."

"I'm fine," Snape grunted.

"Ok," I said and walked past him. I managed to drop the dish towel that was in my hand, and give him a good look of what was under my skirt. Nothing. "I'm going to wash the windows now." I said and pulled a chair out from the table. I stood on it and tried to make sure he was still looking at me.

A minute later I was still wiping the windows. I had stopped moaning and was now humming lightly. I made sure there was a tiny smile still playing on my lips.

"Are you almost done?" he grunted after another minute.

"Don't you have a study to go to?" I asked rudely.

"This is my house," Snape snapped.

"Then you clean it," I snapped back.

"Do not take that tone with me!" Snape roared standing up.

I hopped off the counter. "Done."

I slammed out of the room and went up to my room. This was so stupid. He wouldn't let me in his room, so I couldn't clean there, I am doing a horrible job of cleaning the rest of the house, he is going to kill me! I stayed in my room the rest of the day. He didn't bother me. I really missed my mum and dad. This was the longest I had gone without talking to them. She was probably going bonkers thinking I took off or something. I sniffed and to my horror felt tears streaming down my face. For the first time in eight years, I allowed myself to sit and cry when there was work to be done.

"Granger," Snape said from the doorway. I stood up and turned to look at him. I wiped the tears from my eyes and saw he looked almost guilty. "I sent the letter to your mother."

"Thank you," I sobbed gulping slightly.

"Your welcome," Snape said awkwardly and then left. I felt a wave of panic and terror sweep over me. I was really here in his house. I was kidnapped. This was the real deal.

I flopped onto my bed angrily and pulled out the book the I had hid.

"'Moste Ponte Potions'" I said reading it. I felt a wave of delight pass over me. This was how I was getting out! I would make a Snape polyjuice, say something near the door and haul major ass at here! Once again I felt giddy. Of course I was going to have to get all the ingredients in here again. And an open flame. And a cauldron. Also a hair. I could just pluck that. Haha! I was getting out! When was the full moon? Mother…tonight. The moon is tonight. I am going to have to wait until next month. I have to start this potion like within the week in order to be able to take it. But I am getting out. No more of this washing dishes crap! F that! Whoopa! Snape will rue the day! He will rue so bad he'll have to go to Rue Anonymous! Yes! I read over the ingredients. These should be easy to find…

A/N Please read and review.


	6. French Insults

He has locked me in my room! I have been in here for like a week! I am totally freaking out and he isn't letting me get on with my plan. I am really angry at him. In fact I got so angry that when he let me out to use the bathroom I stomped on his foot. He shoved me back into the room angrily and didn't let me out for like six hours. I was really close to peeing my pants, I didn't.

"If I let you out you are not to stamp on my foot or I will hex you into oblivion," Snape warned from behind the door.

"No promises," I called back. There was silence and then I heard him walking away. "Alright I wont stomp on your foot. Let me out of here before I ruin this bedspread!" I called hurriedly. He was going to make me beg for anything I wanted. It must turn him on. Whatever.

The door creaked open and Snape stood there. "Well come on," he snarled and I walked out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom. "I will be right back. When you are done go back to your room."

"Whatever," I snapped and slammed the door in his face. I could still see his shadow outside the door. "I asked you like a million times to not stand outside the door when I am in here. I have performance issues and I simply can not pee if I know you're standing there! You are going to give me a urinary tract infection! Where the hell am I going to run to?"

There were footsteps and he walked away. I waited another minute and I heard footsteps coming back. I snarled and opened the door angrily. A sight I never thought I would see met my eyes.

"Oh my god!" I cried looking at Snape. He turned pink and covered himself behind a curtain. "Are you wearing jeans? And a t-shirt? Let me see," I said trying to pull him from behind the curtains. "Sexy."

Snape looked livid. "Just get back into the bathroom," he finally managed to snarl.

"You have biceps," I said grabbing at them.

"Stop it," Snape snarled pushing me away.

"Are you wearing perfume? Oh my goodies you are gay! I knew it!" I cried happily. "Ginny owes me a galleon."

"Excuse me? I am only worth a galleon?" Snape said and in spite of himself he was angry. "I am not gay! For the last time I am not gay!"

"What's with the bedroom?" I asked placing my hands on my hips.

"It isn't mine," Snape sputtered.

"Voldemort?" I gasped. "Malfoy?"

"No!" Snape roared.

"Its alright. I wont tell anyone what you Death Eaters do in your spare time," I said giggling. Snape reached for me but refused to come out from behind the curtain. I stepped out of his reach.

"We don't do that in our spare time," Snape muttered angrily. "Now if you would please get into the bathroom so I can just go back to my room."

"No I don't think so," I said folding my arms. "Six hours should be enough."

"Granger," Snape roared.

"Now tell me my dear boy. What possessed you to wear this? Do you have a date? Can I meet her and explain my situation to her? Or him," I added with a wink. "Does this lady mind that you have a slave that you plan on killing in September? Does she mind that I will probably ruin her clothes in the washer by accident?" Snape looked furious.

"Alright that is it," Snape said stepping out from behind the curtain. I couldn't help gape slightly. Sure he was almost forty and he was keeping my captive. Sure he has expressed the urge to kill my dozens of times. Sure he showed me the hex he would use. Alright and he locks me in my room so I ALMOST pee my pants. But in those pants he could do anything he wanted. I have never seen a better looking person in jeans. Besides myself. And Orlando Bloom. Snape looks well toned. Plus I can see that the myth about noses is true. "What?" Snape asked looking at me strangely.

"Nothing," I said trying to think clearly. "I'm just going to go pee." I walked into the bathroom in a daze. Suddenly I feel revolted. I just had a sexual urge for Snape. Not just any Snape. Evil Snape. The one who killed Dumbledore and is holding me captive. The Snape who made fun of my teeth. But just because he's evil doesn't mean I cant admire he body and want to shag him senseless. I mean look at Malfoy. Evil, conceited git. Hot as a brick oven. I wouldn't push him out of bed. Of course he would have to be in my bed to begin with and that wouldn't happen. I peed and washed my hands still thinking about what my libido was doing to me. I opened the door and saw Snape was still standing there.

"Get back in your room," Snape said pointing to it.

"Are you going partying?" I asked trying to not go back in that room.

"I thought you had performance issues," Snape shot back.

"Pervert," I snapped and slammed the bathroom door shut angrily.

"Open the door," Snape called banging on it. It flew open and I glanced around the hallway. All the other doors had popped open. Snape seemed to be reading my mind and raced me down the stairs. He slammed the front door shut as I ran into the kitchen. I would have made it too had I not wax the floor an hour before. We both slipped to the floor with a tremendous thud. I still attempted to get to the door but Snape shut it.

"I hate you!" I screamed as loud as I could. Then I had another tantrum. This was one of my better ones. I stamped around for about fifteen minutes in such a rage I didn't realize I had literally screamed myself hoarse. It wasn't until I stopped for a minute that I realized my voice was gone and my throat was throbbing in agony. I still rasped evil things at him. Things I had heard my parents yell at each other in the heat of the moment. Then I began to speak to him in French. Yelling real awful things I used to call my parents when they grounded me. Snape stood there and took it all. In fact he looked somewhat amused that it annoyed me even more and I yelled louder, well as loud as I could. When my voice was no longer an option I began to fling things at him. I picked up a toaster and chucked it at him. He ducked and came up looking angry. That only fueled me to chuck things harder and faster. I picked up a spatula and flung it. Once again he ducked. I grabbed a pan off the stove and hurtled that as hard and fast as I could. He caught it looking livid.

"Now really," Snape said tossing it to the floor. "This is how Miss-Know-It-All solves her problems?" Snape had one eyebrow raised.

"You flamboyant sack of coo semen," I screamed in French. I then began to knock stuff off the counter in a rage I had never felt. I had never been this angry before. It wasn't that I was just angry, I was frightened and just sick of being held captive. I am independent and the fact that I have to depend on someone to get by makes me angry. Plus its Snape I am relying on. He would have forgot to feed me if I didn't stomp on the floor sixty times. Then and only then did he toss in a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. That was good for thirty seconds. That is when the thirst kicked in and he refused to bring me water so I had stomp up and down again. I vomited me newly digested bread all over the place much to Snape's displeasure. Luckily I managed to cry and act like I was embarrassed.

I turned from the kitchen and walked into the living room. I knocked a vase over in anger and then a few chairs. Snape came from behind me and lifted me in the air. He placed me over his back like I was a sack of rice and carried me up the stairs. He had a really firm grip on me that I would have found sexy had I not been so fing angry.

"Put me down!" I snarled slapping his head.

"You are getting me very angry Granger. If I were you I would shut my big, fat mouth!" Snape bellowed. I was silent for a second. I could feel him sigh in relief.

"Who the hell are you calling fat?" I snapped as he chucked me into my room. He slammed the door shut with such a force the walls shook. I sighed and glance around, the pain in my throat making me feel ill. I sat on my bed and reached for a book.

**Later That Night**

Snape let me out of my "prison cell" for dinner. I noticed the house was a great deal cleaner than when I had my bitch fit. Snape seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Sit," Snape said pointing to a seat on the other end of the table. I sat down and lifted my fork. I glance around the room and noticed a muggle calendar hanging from the wall.

"What's the date?" I asked feeling myself blush.

"The 23rd," Snape answered then taking a sip of wine. He wasn't looking at me.

"Uh Snape?" I asked feeling slightly mortified.

"What?" he snapped still not looking up.

"Its almost time," I said feeling the blush in my face turn deeper.

"Time for what?" Snape asked reaching for his goblet.

"My period," I said bluntly. Snape choked on his wine and went into a coughing fit.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked a deep shade of pink. I couldn't tell whether it was from the lack of air to his lungs or embarrassment.

"My period. I am going to need, er, the needed supplies," I finally managed to say. I had never been more embarrassed. Snape still looked embarrassed and confused. "Pads and tampons. And enough to last me like another three months. I should think three boxes of tampons and two packages of pads should do well."

Snape looked like I had to shoved pus into his wine. "You expect me to buy those?" he croaked.

"Well I would if you let me out of the house. Listen I know this is the closest you have been to a woman in a while. I also get that I am probably the first woman to walk into this house that wasn't here to beg for your help. I need these and this is the most mortifying situation that has ever happened to me. So if, for once in your life, you can just shut your mouth and make this easier for me. Just go and buy them for me. I will pay you back," I snapped looking down.

Snape looked slightly angered.

"Fine," was all he said and we didn't talk for the rest of the night. He shoved me into my room soon after I washed the dishes and came back up an hour later. I was tossed a bag containing what I needed. I mumbled a thanks and kept my eyes on my feet. He coughed uncomfortably for a second and left. I sighed and lay down on my bed. This was worse than the time Ron found a pad in my bag and I had to explain to them what they were. Harry had never looked so uncomfortable and Ron was humiliated. It was all his fault. I told him to drop it.

I wonder where they are. I wonder if they are still living. Most of all I wonder if anyone misses me. And if so who? My mother obviously had not gotten the message and if Snape is going to be reading all my mail then I can not simply underline the letters I need. The polyjuice potion wasn't going to work if I was shoved in this room every day. Maybe I annoyed Snape too much. Figures.

A/N Please read and review.


	7. The Death Eater Meeting

I was on my best behavior for the rest of the week. Snape can totally tell something's up. He is so frigging suspicious. Of course he has a right to be. I am planning my escape by the day. I don't care if I have to dig my way out. Ooh! No it would take to long. Dammit.

I glanced around the room looking for a sudden inspiration. Nothing here. I need to get out of here. I am having cabin fever, to the point that if I look at these walls anymore I will freak out. It got to that point the other day and I banged on the door until I was given a break and was "allowed" to clean the library. Snape watched me obviously afraid I was going to take a book and start doing a spell right there. I totally would but I don't need to be babysat! Plus he acts like it's a treat when I'm allowed to come out and clean. It totally isn't. Although I've started stealing his socks. I'll take one sock each load until there are no more socks. It's the perfect plan! He will think they get lost and I will never tell them where they go. I could give old Voldie a run for his money.

"Granger, take a break," Snape spat from behind the door. "I need you to clean the kitchen. Have you seen my socks when you were washing my clothes? Did you take them?"

"Yes, I stole your socks," I said sarcastically. Haha.

"I don't need your attitude," Snape snarled.

"But do you want it?" I asked mock-thinking.

"Just clean then I need you to go downstairs and serve the Death Eaters," Snape said shoving me out of my room.

"Fine but if Wormtail attempts to stick his hands under my skirt one more time I am going to kick his ass," I snapped. Seriously going down there during a meeting and not getting pregnant is a chore. I have never seen so many horny men in one place. Plus Malfoy jr. has taken a strange liking to me. He touches me and I am going to bend his finger so far back his wrist will snap.

"If he touches you, you graciously take it as a sign of maturity," Snape said for the umpteenth time.

"I don't what year you grew up in but if a boy stick his hand under your skirt without your permission it is usually a big NO-NO. Especially with me a mudblood. How dare his fingers graze such filth? I am surprised his fingers haven't shriveled and fallen off. He is now forever tainted. That poor man!" I cried. "Send him a fruit basket! Quick before he has any more emotional pain! Don't bother to care about the fact that I may not want his filthy hands crawling up my thigh. Probably the only time a girl has ever let him get up there."

After that statement something unbelievable happened. Snape snorted. I swear on my already doomed life. I was so shell shocked I stopped for an entire minute before following him into the kitchen.

"I need you to wash the dishes and place them out there buffet style," Snape instructed grabbing a pile out of the cupboard.

"Those are dishes I have already cleaned," I said not taking the heavy pile from him.

"I wish for you to clean them again," Snape said his eyes flashing in anger.

"Listen I get you have OCD but this is ridiculous. Who the crap is going to know I washed them yesterday?" I asked angrily.

"The Dark Lord," Snape said shoving them into my hands. I wasn't sure whether that was a joke or not.

"Are you joking?" I asked.

"I do not joke," Snape said again looking different.

"That I believe," I muttered. I put on rubber gloves and began to scrub the dishes with such a force I was surprised the coloring didn't peel off.

"You are going to ruin my china," Snape snapped as I tossed a dish into the strainer.

"I am going to ruin your china?" I snarled. In all my anger I threw a dish over my shoulder. "That is ruining your china! I am washing the dishes. If you do not like the way I wash dishes then get the hell out!" I screamed in anger. Snape just raised an eyebrow.

"I will forget that you just flung one of my mothers dishes at me and leave you be," Snape snarled.

"Pansy ass momma's boy," I snapped angrily.

"What?" Snape roared.

"I like your mothers dishes!" I said loudly. Snape knew that wasn't what I said. He stood there for a second trying to decide what to do. Swiftly, he turned on his heel and left. I rolled my eyes. He was beginning to bore me.

Twenty minutes later I was still getting things ready when I heard an all to familiar voice.

"Ah mudblood. This is what you should be doing," Malfoy Jr. sneered.

"Malfoy I am not in the mood!" I snapped shoving past him. I walked back over to the counter and reached up to get glasses. I felt a hand cup one my bum cheeks and then a whisper in my ear.

"You know I can get you out of here," Malfoy Jr. said silkily.

"I would rather rot here than have you help me," I said back. The grip on my butt became harder and grabbed his hand. "Get off of me."

"I don't think I'm ready to yet," he sneered.

I spun around and kneed him right in the crotch. He began to wheeze and sputter real awful things. I shoved him out of my way and grabbed a tray of sandwiches, that I did not make. I feel like I should be paid for this.

When I entered the living room everyone was silent and all eyes turned to me when I walked in. I got a lot of sneers and way too many winks. I put the tray down and walked back into the kitchen. Malfoy had disappeared thank god. He was replaced by Wormtail.

"Well if it isn't my favorite girl," he said sounding sloshed. He was standing by the back door. I noticed Snape was also standing by the sink.

"Oh is the trash taking itself out tonight?" I asked sweetly. Snape shot me a look that I swore held another smile. Wormtail looked angry but turned around.

"Granger what did I tell you about proper actions for a meeting such as this?" Snape asked coldly.

"I wasn't listening," I said pouring scotch into shot glasses.

"Well listen now," Snape said angrily. "You are not to man-handle any Death Eaters if you do not wish to be killed on the spot."

"You know what? If Malfoy attempts to touch my ass again I am going to hold him down until he passes out from his own cologne," I snapped jerkily filling the other half of the glasses with water. "I am not some sex slave for all the losers who cant get women of their own to fondle." I turned to stare pointedly at Wormtail.

"You are only alive because the Dark Lord wishes you so," Snape said once again his words could freeze lava. I stared into his dark, cold eyes and could see they were pleading with me to stop.

"Fine," I said stubbornly. "I am going to place these out there and I will be back. Don't you follow me," I snapped as Wormtail moved to follow. Snape gave me another cold look and shook his head at Wormtail who looked disappointed.

I walked out and placed the drinks down and left as quickly as I could. When I walked back into the kitchen Snape and Wormtail were still speaking.

"Snape a hostess should never leave her…his guests waiting," I said politely. I received another glare and smirk from Wormtail. "Will Vold-The Dar-, uh, Your Master be joining us tonight?" I finally asked. I didn't know what I was supposed to call him. With Harry and Ron we called him all sorts of things that would surely get me killed here. Snape looked at me in a way that suggested he knew I was close to calling him something else.

"No, this is just for us Death Eaters," Snape said and snapped at me to get him some water.

"Me too boppins," Wormtail said with a smile. I almost said no, but decided to just spit in it. I pretended to have a giant coughing fit and handed Wormtail the glass. I then just breathed on Snape's.

"So see Lupin lately?" I asked Wormtail conversationally.

"Granger," Snape warned.

"Right sorry," I said clapping my hands together once. I was anxious and not sure what to do. This is going to sound so weird but I don't like to leave Snape's side. He doesn't seem to want to hurt me and I am almost certain that if someone else tried, he would stop them. That is why I don't go up to my room. I am not going to get raped by some leech. That sure as hell is not on my To-Do list.

"If you insist on staying in here at least sit down," Snape finally snarled as I started to bounce about on my feet. I looked at him and sighed.

"Thank you," I said sitting down. I took a platter of vegetables and began to slice them with a butcher knife. Snape and Wormtail were silent for a moment when I felt a dirty hand sliding over onto my thigh. "If this knife were to slip from my finger and land in your crotch it would be considered an accident," I finally snarled. He took his hand away quickly. I was almost finished with the platter when Wormtail leaned over to me.

"I can get you out of here no problem," he slurred. I felt Snape's gaze on us.

"Hey Casanova?" I asked pushing his head off of me. "I already told you. Touch me and I will chop off your other fingers."

Wormtail got up looking angry. "How you managed to not kill this one I'll never know."

"Patience," Snape said coldly.

"And fear," I muttered. Snape looked over at me again and I lowered my eyes back to my 'creation.'

"The meeting should be starting," Snape muttered and heaved himself up. "I'll call you if I need you."

"I'll be waiting," I said sarcastically and sat back moodily. Wormtail winked at me and left the room. Now I had to wait. Last time no one bothered me. That isn't saying much. Last time Voldemort was here. Or as Harry likes to call him, Voldie Poo. I would never say that allowed for fear of being killed. Stupid meetings.

I began to wash the already dirty dishes when the kitchen door opened. Wormtail walked in looking excited. I tensed slightly. I really did not want to have to stab this man.

He walked over to me and grabbed my face.

"Let go of me," I said struggling against him. He just laughed and kissed me. "Please just let go of me."

I heard him unzip and that was when I panicked. He outweighed me quite a bit and both my arms were pinned at my side. I lifted my legs to push him away when the door slammed open again and Snape came in looking more angry then I have ever made him. This was saying something. I annoyed the crap out of him.

Anyways, he strode over to Wormtail and shoved him off. He turned to me and looked scared. "Did he hurt you?" he asked taking me by the arms.

I tried to contain a sob and shook my head. Snape grabbed Wormtail and punched him in the stomach. Then he threw him outside. I sighed in relief. Then there was a tense moment between me and Snape.

"Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" Snape asked me sounding sincere.

"I'm sure," I said trying to not to cry. That was the single worst thing that has ever happened to me. "I'm just shooken up. I'll be fine," I said trying to sound braver than I felt.

"Drink this," Snape muttered handing me a glass of some steaming drink. I gulped it down in one go. It burned my throat by I instantly felt better. Warmer.

"Thanks," I mumbled deciding I didn't want to know what it was.

"The meeting is over. You can go on up to bed. I'll clean up," Snape said not looking me in the eye.

"Ok. Thanks again," I said and then I did something that I would never consciously do. It was seriously whatever booze I had just ingested. Anyways, I kissed him. That's right I KISSED Snape. On the cheek, but straight from Lavender, it doesn't matter where you kiss a guy. He automatically thinks you're into him. I was just grateful.

He turned to me looking embarrassed and I just scampered up the stairs and into my room. After that I am never going to face him again. Then, for the first time in a month, I wished tomorrow was September.

A/N Please read and review.


	8. A Normal Conversation

He didn't come and get me this morning. I was seriously thinking he was going to let me rot in here with my self pity when the door opened as if by itself. At first I wasn't sure what to do. Do I go out and get yelled at or do I stay here and eat the apple I smuggled into the room. I probably shouldn't eat that. It's like two weeks old. Fruit doesn't go bad. Right? Of course it does. Honestly, and you're the smartest witch in your year? Huh. They might want to rethink that after that little though.

And now I'm talking to myself.

Actually I'm fighting with myself.

Even better.

I cautiously stood up and smoothed down my clothes. I hated this stupid uniform. It was blue and crinkly and if I sat down and then stood up again, it was still in the sitting position. What I must look like. Well actually I got a glimpse of myself and it wasn't pretty. I really look like a scullery maid. Ew. The thought makes me shudder.

I walked down the stairs with tiny, silent steps. Just as I was at the bottom, I let out a giant yawn that sounded like a mammoth. I didn't get enough sleep last night. My dreams were plagued with what ifs. Like what if Snape hadn't come looking for Wormtail? What if I was raped? What if I had thought to draw my wand that night last month? What if no one finds me in time? What if I had been raped? That one showed up dozens of times. Every little noise startled me. I sat up in bed with the bedside lamp switched on, just staring at the door waiting for it to open and reveal that rat of a man standing there smiling. I shuddered at the memory of his breath on me. I honestly never thought he would go that far. Sure I heard the things he said about me under his breath, I didn't know it went from that to attempted rape.

There was a creak on the floor board and I jumped. Snape rounded the corner and looked startled to see me.

"How did you get out?" he said turning slightly pink.

"My door opened," I said and he started.

"Close doors," Snape said in a loud voice and dozens of slams were heard throughout the house.

"I could have escaped," I whispered miserably. I felt a sense of defeat run through me.

"I am really going to have to change that code. These doors must fling open at all times of the day," Snape muttered to himself. "There is leftovers in the kitchen." Snape finally turned his attention to me.

"Thanks," I muttered and walked past him. I could almost feel his eyes boring in me. He didn't follow me into the room this time and I was shocked. He usually follows me everywhere as if afraid I am going to find a way out the minutes he turns around. That would be kick ass.

It would never happen but I could still dream. I have been here twenty-seven days. I didn't even get an owl from my mother. She must not have written back. Unless…

"Snape?" I called. I heard footsteps getting closer and I waited for him to enter the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes.

"Yes Granger and please make it quick I have errands to do," Snape said annoyed.

"Did you mail my letter?" I asked feeling anger and hurt boil inside of me.

"I already told you I did," Snape said angrily walking away.

"Its my birthday," I lied. He didn't know when it was.

"And? I hope you don't expect a present from me?" Snape asked looking amused.

"My mother never sent me a gift. She never misses a birthday. She would have sent it with the reply she wrote to me letter. I never got a reply. You didn't send my letter did you?" I asked sharply.

"I said I did. Trust me," Snape said coolly.

"This coming from my kidnapper who has said on dozens of occasions that he would love to kill me right now," I said sarcastically.

"No this coming from the man who saved you from being violated last night," Snape barked looking as hurt as I felt. I didn't think he was going to throw that back at my face.

"If I don't write my mother is going to tell the Order," I said realizing everything that was happening. "Which is just what you want. You want Harry to come looking for me. You'll lead him here under pretenses that I am alive. But it will be too late. I'll probably be dead for hours. Of course you need me to be alive so he can track me. That is why you didn't send my letter. I really am bait," I said feeling panic surge through me. Thoughts were flashing in my mind. I needed to think.

Pushing past Snape I stomped up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door over and sat down on my bed. I went into meditation mode trying desperately to calm my nerves and wipe my mind clear.

_Harry no matter what don't come for me. I'm fine. I mean it Harry don't come looking for me. I have a plan. Harry if you hear this, I'm fine. I needed to get away from everyone. I left home and I don't want to write. I just need to be alone. Please don't come looking for me. You'll just drive me away…_

I thought that over and over and over again. I thought about it until late in the night. I was praying Harry got it. I knew his Occlemency was worse than my flying, I thought maybe because I am being held by Voldemort he'll get the message.

Snape knocked lightly on the door. He didn't wait for an answer and just pushed in.

"What are you doing?" he asked sharply.

"Playing Quidditch. What does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped angrily. I wasn't happy with him.

"It looks like you're doing something you shouldn't be," Snape said in a low whisper. "Something the Dark Lord wouldn't like very much like."

"Well tell him he can get his bony ass up here and discuss it with me. Unless you forgot, I am not on your side. I fear him in a different way than you. You fear him for your own ass, I fear him for my friends," I said looking at his furrowed brow. "How Gryffindor of you," he and I said at the same time. "You need new lines," I said and closed my eyes.

"I don't think Potter will ever get your message. Even if he does, it'll only make him want to come get you more," Snape said leaning against the doorframe watching me with a mixture of disappointment and curiosity.

"Well it goes to show you that you don't know him as much as you think you do," I snarled.

"They know you would never run away," Snape said with a small satisfied smirk.

"I have before," I muttered.

"Oh?" Snape asked amused. "Couldn't take the heat and came back?"

"No more like I was picked up at the train station. I sat there all day. They thought I was trying to plant a bomb or something," I said shaking off his look of amusement.

"What exactly is a bomb?" Snape asked. I looked at him like he was crazy.

"It's a cross between Expellriamus and a firework. Only more powerful," I said trying to explain it in wizard.

"Powerful huh?" Snape asked intrigued.

"Are you serious? Can you sink no lower? You can not just stroll into a store and demand a bomb! They'll arrest you. You need to make them. Even then you have to get the nerd who knows bio-chemical physics," I said in an annoyed voice. My cousin watches all types of silly teen movies.

"Miss Granger, we have techniques more powerful than this bomb you speak of," Snape snapped.

"Is this the part I'm supposed to act scared and beg for you to not kill me? It isn't going to happen," I said closing my eyes again. "You are messing with my meditation bubble."

"Your what?" Snape snorted. Once again I was shocked.

"I don't think I have ever seen you smile. Well there was the time that my teeth grew or the time Neville's potion exploded and he shrunk. I guess I've never seen you smile when someone isn't in excruciating pain," I said frowning. "It would do wonders for your face. You'd look your age."

"I look my age," Snape said angrily.

"No you're like what? 45?" I asked tempting him.

"I am 38," Snape snarled.

"Right see you like your pushing fifty," I explained. "It would help if you weren't on the run from everyone. And if you weren't so evil!"

"Well there's no changing that," Snape said gruffly.

I sniffed again and closed my eyes.

"So like what's your deal?" I asked while sending another message.

"I beg your pardon?" Snape asked and I could just imagine his expression.

"How did you get here?" I asked trying to not blurt something out.

"Well I moved here in 1983-" Snape began.

"No, I mean how did you become who you are today," I asked trying not to laugh. For a potions MASTER he wasn't too bright.

"Lots of things," Snape said stiffly.

"You don't wanna talk about it?" I asked becoming interested.

"No," Snape said shortly.

"Ashamed?" I tried again.

Snape studied my for a moment. "For some things," he finally said slowly.

"Like what?" I asked watching his face relax slightly.

"I once stole a book from the book shop and blamed it on my friend at the time," Snape said slowly.

"Yeah? Once I told Ginny that she was too fat for sweets so I could get the last brownie. She started making herself sick after every meal and I never forgave myself for that," I said topping what he just said.

"Ginny?" Snape asked trying to place her.

"Ron's sister," I said slowly. "Christ."

"Right. The red head who's face seems to always be stuck to Potters," Snape said with a small smirk.

"Right," I said nodding slightly. "Anything else your ashamed of?"

"Many," Snape said pausing again. It was like part of him wanted to let me in and the other half wanted me to stay out and just die already.

"Like what?" I asked trying not to sound too desperate.

"Sometimes in the middle of a long class, I'll peek into students minds," Snape said with a small smirk. I couldn't help but giggle a little.

"Harry was always sure you could read minds. I told him he was insane," I said frowning. I guess I should have listened to him for everything he said about Snape. I looked over at him and was confused. Snape looked different, more relaxed. "So how come you don't like Harry? Because of his father?"

Snape gave me a sharp, swift look. "I guess you could say that. Partly."

"Were James, Sirius, Remus, and Wormtail, your Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle?" I asked peering at him. He stiffened slightly.

"You could say that," Snape said again.

Suddenly I could relate to him. Malfoy made my life a living crap bubble. Any minute he was going to burst it and just cover me in so much shit I couldn't stand it.

I nodded.

"So what about you? Anything you're proud of?" Snape asked peering at me.

"Many. Nothing that would please you," I said seriously. I could see I grabbed his attention.

"Like…?" Snape said looking curious.

"I gave Malfoy a shiner in third year," I said smiling at the memory.

"I always suspected so," Snape said frowning.

"In first year I got past your test to help Harry get to the stone," I said watching his frown lighten. "I made a correct Polyjuice potion in second year. I turned into a cat mind you," I said watching as he smiled slightly. "I saved Buckbeak in third year. In fourth year I helped Harry get his broom for the first task. In fifth year I fought Death Eaters and in sixth year I did also," I said frowning now. I almost said something that would completely ruin the moment we were having. I was going to say that the thing I was most ashamed of was the fact that I let Snape pass by me on my way to get outside. I just thought if I had stopped him…

"Nice list of accomplishments," Snape said with another frown.

"What about you what are you proud of?" I asked.

"Not much," Snape said bitterly. I paused.

"I whisper the ingredients to Neville every potions class. I mean every potions class," I said smiling slightly.

"I thought as much," Snape said peering at me. "I can bring my foot over my head."

"Excuse me?" I stuttered.

"I'm proud of that," Snape said standing up straight.

"Oh," I said not sure what else I should say. Should I ask for a demonstration? No! What is the matter with me? My hormones are like trying to sex me up.

"I'll see you in the morning," Snape said and left the room. "Good night."

The door snapped shut and I just stared at it. What the hell just happened? I am wicked confused. I think I just had a normal conversation with Snape. And he didn't insult me. Or call me names. Or try and kill me. He's saving that for September.

With a small cry of disgust and I fell back into my pillows. I couldn't not believe it. I have a crush on Snape.

A/N Please review.


	9. Glitter

It is now…3:18 in the morning and I am laying in bed trying to get some sleep. I was sleeping, like any normal person would do at one in the morning, when my door creaked open. I turned over and stared at it for a moment when I heard Snape bellow, "Close the fucking doors!" Then dozens of slam scared the monkey wrench out of me. But see, I thought Snape lived downstairs, but his voice came from the floor. Maybe he's standing by my door.

No because the voice sounded sleepy like it was woken up.

And I'm fighting with myself. I really need to get out before I go crazy…er.

I closed my eyes and made them stay shut so that sleep would just slip in there when I least expect it.

"_We have to find her! This isn't like her to just run off and leave!" Harry bellowed angrily. _

"_Susan has she done this before?" Molly asked Mrs. Granger with a comforting smile. _

"_When she was eleven. She came right home though," Susan added rolling up a used tissue in her hands. _

"_I'm telling you I heard her! She was sending me a message saying she was fine, but she didn't sound fine! I know Hermione and she wouldn't just take off without telling us where she's going. She wouldn't want us to worry about her. I think she may have been kidnapped!" Harry said looking frightened. The entire room paused for a moment. _

"_I think you may be right," Arthur finally said. "If she has then she is most certainly being used as bait."_

"_Well so what?" Harry snapped. _

"_Meaning as soon as they know that you're coming to find her, they'll kill her," Arthur said taking off his glasses and polishing them on his shirt. _

"_So I am supposed to not care and let her rot in some hell hole until you come up with a better plan?" Harry snarled angrily. _

"_Yes," Arthur said placing his glasses back on. "You know Hermione. She's smart and that's why you got the message. If she's telling you not to come after her that means she knows something we don't. I think you should wait for another message. I know Harry its hard but you need to," Arthur said as Harry flared up again. _

"_So just wait?" Harry asked angrily. _

"_Yes, its all we can do," Molly said sadly. Harry stared at the faces in the room for a moment before turning, angrily, and walking from the room. He grabbed Ron by the arm and dragged him upstairs…_

I gasped and sat up. My entire body was covered in sweat, the shirt was sticking to my back in a painful way.

Why am I awake?

Oh yes a dream. That dream seemed so real! I could feel Harry's anger and the vibration off the table as his fist pounded it. It was a dream. It was a dream. It was a dream.

There was a knock on my door that startled me. I paused again before answering. Maybe it was planted in my head. Maybe Snape went and told Voldemort what I was doing and they're giving me false hope. Whatever I know I'm not getting out of here alive, they don't need to waste time putting memories in my head. Or premonitions or whatever they are.

The knock was harder more impatient this time.

"I'm up!" I said standing on wobbly feet.

"You have fifteen minutes in the shower then I want you dressed and downstairs," Snape said and I heard him retreating. Well guess last night was a another false hope. He is going to stay evil and rude, and I am going to stay crazy and smelly. Amazing.

I walked into the bathroom and ran the shower, stepping under the water I felt all my muscles loosen. I quickly washed my hair and stepped out. The door was wide open.

"Close the bloody doors!" Snape roared. The bathroom door shut and I rolled my eyes again. One day I am just not going to hesitate, and run as fast as I can out of here. I don't care if I'm naked. Well maybe I'll grab a coat or something before I go. And some clean underwear. Oh god and socks. Need to have socks. Especially in the city. I'll get like a fungus or something. Don't judge me.

I brushed my teeth and my hair, then I got into my uniform. I buttoned myself into it and studied my appearance. Maybe I would unbutton the first two buttons…

Why?

Because, supposedly, I'm in love with Snape.

You're not in love. You are in lust. This happens all the time between kidnappers and their hostages.

Well Snape is evil. He killed Dumbledore and he would no sooner kill me.

What about last night? He opened up. He bared his…soul? to you. Does he even have a soul left?

I don't know.

Just go downstairs and act like nothing happened. This is silly!

I just had an entire debate with myself. I really am going crazy. This sucks so bad. Hello, I'm Hermione Granger. This is my best friend, Hermione Granger. I'm bi-polar. Well if I'm bi-polar wouldn't anything I do just be blamed on evil me? No, I would get killed anyways.

I walked into the kitchen were, surprise, Snape was standing there waiting for me. I filled a tea pot with water and placed it on the stove. Then the awkwardness rumbled in. I just stood there, and he just stood there, and we all just stood there not saying anything. Just standing.

"Do you want honey or sugar in your tea?" I asked turning to him.

"Both," Snape said still staring at a picture on the wall.

"Well if you had to choose one to save from a burning building which would it be?" I asked not giving him both. He'll ruin his teeth.

"Honey I guess," Snape answered turning to me looking confused.

"Good choice," I said smiling slightly and slathering the bottom of the cup in honey.

"Did you sleep good?" Snape asked looking like he regretted asking. I nearly dropped the cup. So they had planted the dream. Bastards.

"Its well. Did I sleep well," I said getting his signature cold glare. "And yes I slept well. I was woken up by the doors slamming."

"I really should change that code. I tried to get out of my room last night to use the loo and forgot the code," Snape said looking like he was mentally yelling at himself.

"Is that why I heard someone kick the door and start swearing?" I asked amused. I thought it was me. Like I was going insane and just yelling things. Snape turned pink again and I shrugged.

"I need you to may sure my robes are pressed and clean for tonight," Snape said leaning against the sink.

"Ugh, is that vile piece of ass going to be here? This time I really think I'll poke him with a knife," I said angrily.

"You will be in your room that is lock. No one can get it," Snape said frowning slightly.

"Ok," I said shrugging.

"Do you know why I saved you the other night?" Snape asked suddenly and I sloshed water onto my hands. Biting my lip to keep from crying out in pain, I shrugged.

"Because I am your 'slave' and you need me. It's like if someone tried to rip the cover off one of my books I would flip out and…pull their hair. You were just defensive over your property," I said looking down again. I handed Snape his mug and quickly left the room.

What was that! He was going to tell you! Go back in there and ask why!

I turned quickly and walked back towards the door when it opened and collided with my face. For a millisecond I stood there stunned until gravity acted and knocked my right off of my feet. I was shocked. My mind was racing. Did I really just get hit in the face with a door? Oh my god I did! I think my nose is broken! I better not loose any teeth!

I lay there on the floor for a second until Snape came out from behind the door looking panicked.

"Did I hit you with the door?" Snape asked bending down.

"No, I thought I'd take a nap. This seems like such a convenient place!" I snapped through my pain. "God! What the hell!" My nose was surely broken. It was pounding in such a way that suggested blood was pouring in like students into Hogsmede.

"Alright no need to snap," Snape said angrily. He stood up and walked away. Did that bastard just leave me on the floor? No. He returned a minute later with his wand. "Sit up," Snape instructed. He pushed my hands away and tapped my nose. I only barely registered a stab of pain and then nothing. My nose was good as new. I felt it and it felt unbroken.

"Thanks," I muttered wiping the blood onto my skirt.

"Well really now. You should watch where you're going you foolish girl," Snape said standing up and walking away. Ugh. That asshole!

I got up angrily and pushed my way into the laundry room. I saw his Death Eaters mask and I did something so horrible I am sure is going to get me killed. I am actually afraid. I took his mask and put…I cant even say it.

Alright! I put glitter all over it! It looked sooo pretty! He is going to kill me. I am just waiting.

"Granger!" Snape bellowed and sounded very angry. "What did you do?"

Oh god I also made his robes pink. I am so dead.

There were hurried footsteps and Snape rushed in looking outraged and furious.

"What are these?" Snape asked throwing them on my bed.

"A costume?' I asked trying not to laugh.

"You put glitter on my mask! And my robes are magenta! Magenta! I can not go down there looking like this! What is the matter with you?" Snape roared angrily.

"It is so much better than that black you wear all the time," I snapped.

"I am going to go and try and fix this mess. If I cant…well you just better hope I can," Snape said and I almost giggled in his face. He slammed the door shut and I rolled my eyes again.

Sixty-three days left and counting.

A/N Please read and review.


	10. What About You?

I was sitting on my bed peacefully when the door burst open and Snape walked in with his 'uniform' on. Scared the crap out of me. I let out a strangled cry and leapt off my bed in defense mode. That's when I noticed the person behind the mask was GIGGLING! What evil person giggles? Snape. That's who. Snape giggles. Like a five year old girl I might add.

"You scared me half to death," I snarled angrily sitting back down on my bed.

"So these do work," Snape said thoughtfully taking off his mask. "I only came up here to tell you that I was able to change the robes and I got all the glitter off."

"I figured as much," I snapped still angry. My heart was beating like a frigging bouncy ball.

"Yes well I am locking you in your room in a minute so if you need anything, now would be the time to get it," Snape added staring at me with narrow eyes.

"Why are you staring at me?" I snapped finally.

"I'm not staring," Snape said turning pink.

"Whatever," I said moving past him.

"How's your nose?" Snape called. I paused. Was he teasing me? Well that's it. I am totally being killed tonight. There is no other reason Snape would tease me. Unless calling me a Know-It-All-Mudblood is teasing. Which I don't think it is. Maybe in Death Eater, its like hey you crazy kid. But it comes off sounding rude.

"My nose is fine," I said totally confused.

"Good, good," Snape said and I became worried. Something was up.

I came out of the bathroom and he was still sitting on my bed. I didn't know what to do. I thought of something to do.

"Hey Snape how do you get inside this?" I asked pointing to a closet.

"You open the door," Snape said and I rushed for the stairs. "CLOSE DOORS!"

I was almost there!

"Nice try," Snape said grabbing me more forcefully and dragging me up the stairs. I went limp and made him carry me. "You have legs use them."

"Fine," I snapped and kicked his shin.

"Oh that is so mature!" Snape bellowed hopping on one foot and massaging his shin.

"Glad you think so," I snarled and walked into my room. He followed me into the room and plopped down on my bed.

"I was going to feed you but I think it better you learn the art of patience. I have exercised quite a bit with you," Snape said looking pleased with his punishment.

"Well then off you go," I said shooing him out with my hands.

"Does nothing bother you?" Snape asked, and to my surprise, and walked into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed.

I was too shocked to answer for a second then I smiled.

"I don't wear my feelings on my sleeves," I said mimicking him.

"Ah so I take it Potter told you what happened during our little lessons," Snape said turning pink again. He looked bitter and upset. "Did he tell you why we stopped?"

"Yeah," I answered and Snape turned to me sharply. "Harry quit. He said you told him he had to do it, but he didn't listen," I answered and Snape looked shocked.

"That is what he told you?" Snape asked sounding flabbergasted.

"Well…yeah. Why would he lie?" I asked becoming confused.

"I made him leave because he went into my worst memory," Snape said sourly.

"Oh," I said feeling embarrassed. "What is you worst memory?"

"What's yours?" Snape asked me.

"I asked you first," I replied.

"I asked you second," Snape answered.

I turned to him and glanced over at him. Then I sighed.

"When I was ten my younger sister passed away," I said feeling the heavy weight in my chest deepen. "She had been sick her entire life and she finally just died. I was so ridden with guilt that I almost didn't come to Hogwarts."

"Why would you feel guilty?" Snape asked his face softer, more vulnerable.

"I hated her," I said turning to his shocked face.

"Why would you hate your sister?" Snape asked not able to keep the shock and confusion out of his voice.

"Because my entire life I couldn't do anything because she was sick. We weren't able to go away because she was on bed rest and god forbid she die while we're away. Also I couldn't have any friends over the house because we had to prepare for the worst. Then she died and it was worse without her. My mother didn't get out of bed for days. She would just lie there and cry. My parents became distant and more controlling over me. When I got my letter, my father said I was not allowed to go. I had to talk them into just letting me walk to school. They were so afraid they were going to lose me too.

Finally my mother said we could at least make sure it wasn't a hoax. She regretted that because there we were in Diagon Alley. I had to beg on bended knees for permission to go," I explained sadly.

"I never knew you had a sister," Snape said sounding sorry.

"I don't talk about her because it got to the point where I hated the fact that she was hanging on in such a state and then she died and it was even worse. I wished she would come back and give my parents something else to concentrate on. I wish she was never born so I would never have to feel the pain that I felt my entire life," I said tracing the buttons on my dress. "What about you? Beat that." I felt like I was going to cry.

"James Potter hung me outside for the entire school in my birthday suit," Snape said shortly expecting her to laugh. She stayed silent.

"I get what you mean," I finally said. I turned to him and saw he was staring at me. "What?"

"You're not laughing," Snape said incredulously.

"Its not funny. That seems rude. I would have killed them if I saw them do that to you," I said and blushed. "I mean anyone. No one deserves that. They seemed like nasty bullies."

"They were," Snape said frowning.

"What are you most afraid of?" I asked suddenly even startling myself.

"Chickens," Snape said and blushed again.

"Chickens?" I asked giggling.

"Not funny," Snape said looking amused. "What about you?"

"Failing," I said seriously.

"Failing?" Snape said also smiling slightly. "Well Mr. Malfoy won the bet."

I sniffed indignantly.

"Why would one be afraid of failure?" Snape asked.

"It is just not an option," I said firmly. "My family does not have failures."

"I see," Snape said nodding.

"What about you? What put you off poultry?" I asked feeling like I was going to giggle again.

"I can eat chicken. I like them better dead," Snape said now looking like he might laugh. "I was almost clucked to death as a child."

I snorted into my hand and managed to turn it into a cough. "I can tell that was very traumatic on you," I said seriously. He turned to me and paused.

"It was," Snape said and stood up. "Keep quiet."

He turned and left with a snap of the door. I can not believe I told him about my sister! I never even told Ron and Harry about her. I haven't even thought about her in months. It must seem like I hate her but it just hurts to think about her. I figure the less I think about her, the less real it seems until she's a distant memory that cant cause me anymore pain.

My door creaked open again.

"CLOSE THE FUCKING DOORS!" Snape roared angrily. My door closed with a sharp snap.

A/N Please read and review. I got the idea for a sister because JKR said she was going to give Hermione a sister and then she didn't. so I made her have one, just killed her off. Please do not email me with horrible remarks about the way Hermione talks about her sister. We all have our way of dealing with grief. This just reminded me of what I felt like after I lost someone I loved. So please be kind.


	11. Of Toilet Bowls and Vomit

I must have had something bad to eat. I am vomiting into the toilet every fifteen minutes. I am seriously not eating again. Snape is acting all weird like he caused this. He better not have. I'll vomit on his boots. Oh yeah! I'll do it. I'm CRAAAAAZY!

There was a knock on the bathroom door. It pushed open and Snape stood there looking awkward. He had his hands into his pockets and was slightly shifty.

"Are you alright?" he finally asked after ten minutes. I just gave him a thumb up as my head was deep into the toilet bowl throwing up anything I had eaten in the last six months. "I mean I know you said he didn't touch you but…are you sure?"

"Snape what are you getting at?" I finally asked after steadying anything threatening to come up.

"Do you know how babies are made?" Snape asked turning pink. I think I'm going to throw up again. This is like my worst nightmare. Snape giving me a sex talk.

"Yes, do you?" I asked watching as he looked slightly offended.

"Of course," Snape said shortly.

"Well then you will know that I cant get pregnant just by kissing," I said shaking my head. "Or holding hands. Or even looking at a boy. You think I'm pregnant?"

Snape was still looking down. I decided to torture him a bit. I mean come on! I am locked in his house awaiting my death. I think I have a right to tease. Or whatever.

"Well you know one night you did stumble into my room looking really sloshed. You said you were lonely so I let you…you know," I said trying not to smirk.

"What!" Snape yelped looking like he had been scorched.

"I am carrying our love child," I said sticking my head back into the toilet basin.

"I-You-Us-Baby," Snape said looking like he was the one who was going to be sick.

"We are going to be SO happy together! I knew you loved me!" I said clasping my hands between my breasts and began to blink wildly.

"I mean to say if anyone found out…" Snape said looking angry. "I'll just abort it."

"Excuse me? You would abort our child?" I snarled.

"It's a bastard child. Not to mention it wouldn't be pure blood," Snape said running his hands through his hair. "I mean-"

"You are an idiot," I said simply. I stood up and walked back into my room. "I'm not pregnant. You didn't come into my room. We never had sex. And you would be a horrible father. Oh and by the way, you are not pure-blood! Get that through your head you crazy bastard," I snapped and walked over to the bed.

"That was a joke?" Snape asked looking relieved.

"Yes. But I'm glad to see that, heaven forbid, I do get pregnant. You'll just abort it!" I said angrily smoothing my hair down over the pillow.

"What gives you the idea that I would ever let you touch me?" Snape said trying to retain some sense of fear.

"I'm not in the mood. Please just walk away," I said feebly waving my hand at him. I felt like I was going to be sick again.

"Well why are you vomiting?" Snape asked stomping his foot.

"It could be the milk that has been in your fridge since '92. I thought it was vanilla ice-cream. I was really, really wrong. Hence the entire contents of my stomach now all over your kitchen and study. And toilet," I said closing my eyes.

"You threw up in my study?" Snape asked sounding angry.

"Your lack of sympathy amazes me," I said sarcastically as he left. Minutes later I heard a roar of disgust.

"YOU DID! OH GOD! I AM NEVER GOING TO GET THAT OUT OF THE CARPET! WHAT IS THAT?" Snape bellowed sounding as angry as I've ever made him. I gave a small laugh then sprinted into the bathroom where I emptied all the saliva I had swallowed.

I left the room and walked around the upper floor. Snape was still muttering downstairs so I figured I had six minutes to snoop in his room. I slowly creaked into his room and looked at all the things. It was like a normal humans room. I opened a bedside table and saw an old picture. I took it out and glanced at a happy little boy being held by a woman with dark hair. I noticed her from her picture. This must be Eileen Prince. I sifted through more papers until I noticed a death certificate. It was for one, Eileen Prince. The date on the paper said that she died March, 1976. Snape would have been sixteen. The death said accident and then in a tiny, almost unreadable writing it said, '_Yeah right! Fat chance!'_

I frowned and placed it back in the drawer. I turned around to leave when I felt all the breath come out of my body. Snape stood looking in the doorway staring at me. Now THIS was the angriest I had ever seen him. I winced and waited for whatever anger flood was going to be sprung on me.

Snape walked quietly into the room and shut the tiny drawer. The he left like nothing happened. He just LEFT. I stood there immobile for a moment and then walked out of the room. Do I follow him?

No! You have done enough!

Shut up whore!

Who are you calling a whore? You stupid snoop!

I blinked a few times to try and regain some sense of reality. So maybe Snape didn't want to tell me that his mother died. Even though I told him about my sister. He is the only person I have ever told about my sister. I honestly have never told anyone else. Wow, I feel hurt. Huh.

I cautiously pushed my way into the kitchen where I was shocked to see Snape sitting drinking a steaming cup of something. It wasn't tea, looked more like Fire-whiskey. He didn't turn to acknowledge me. That is when, once again, I flipped out.

"Alright, I know I snooped and you have every right to be mad at me," I finally said wondering if I should cry. No, he knows I don't cry unless- Wow a real tear just fell out of my eye.

"You know it may amaze you that I don't want certain things about me just spread around like fertilizer," Snape said coldly.

"Who am I going to tell? You wont let me write to my family or friends," I started.

"For the last time I sent that dammed letter," Snape snapped.

"Fine. I am not like Ron and Harry whose lips are looser that Lavender Brown's legs," I said and received a smile that Snape obviously didn't want to be there. "But I told you about my sister. That was hard for me to do. It took a long time for me to be able to even talk about her. And the fact that you are the first person I have told should mean something. It does to me anyways," I said sighing.

Snape turned to me as I opened my mouth to speak again and I suddenly felt his lips on mine. I was so shell-shocked I didn't know what to do. I mean my head was just in the toilet. But Snape kissed me anyways. I wasn't sure how I should react so I just kind of stayed still. Then Snape broke away from me and looked highly embarrassed.

"Clean the living room," Snape said before quickly leaving the room. I rolled my eyes and sat there for a moment. I didn't trust myself to stand. That was the most passionate kiss I have ever had. My legs felt like jelly. Oh and his lips were so soft! And what the hell was that order about?

Crap!

A/N Please read and review. I know wicked short. I apologize. I will have more later tonight or tomorrow. I have no life ;)


	12. Just A Walk In The Park

I was just kissed by a Death Eater, who is going to kill my come September, who killed Dumbledore, and did a lot of other evil crap, and I am deliriously happy. Although I didn't like that he kissed me and then told me to go clean. Whatever. This shouldn't be happening! He is my capture! He is holding me hostage looking all sexy and sultry. And there I go again. The front door burst open and then closed. I heard Snape swearing furiously from upstairs. He sounds so sexy when he's angry. Ew! No not ew! Ew! No not ew!

The mental debate was really what made me go and speak to Snape. I mean I need to know why he kissed me before I get into another fight with myself. I walked up the creaky stairs and down the hall. I saw his bedroom door shut and I got up the courage to knock.

"In a minute!" Snape said sounding rushed. I heard a sharp intake of breath and the door opened. "Yes? Do you need supplies?"

"You kissed me," I said stupidly.

"I think I need to explain something," Snape said shortly. "I have not had sex in seven years. The fact that a young, attractive girl is in my house was just too much. I kissed you and I regret it nothing more," Snape said standing up. I was outraged.

I tapped him on the back and waited for him to turn around. Then I did the only thing a girl in my position could do. I kneed his boys.

"Well I will certainly not regret that," I said angrily and stomped from the room. I feel used and violated and slightly turned on. The fact that he doesn't want me makes me want him more. He hasn't had sex in seven years! Well no wonder! He is a miserable bastard.

I want to go into my room and sleep. Or I want to go for a walk. I need fresh air! I am pretty sure this house is slowly filling with carbon dioxide. For all I know I am slowly dying already. Maybe I'll have another fit like that muggle in the movie, The Shining. I wonder if Snape has an axe…Can you just imagine me breaking through his door screaming, "Here's Hermione!"

Haha. Haha. I cant help but giggle. Then my giggle turns into a sob and then that sob turns into tears of laughter. I can just imagine Harry and Ron's face when I say, "I was kidnapped and held hostage by Snape. We also began a torrid affair. I love his tight ass."

Haha. I cant help giggle. This is like the time I fell down the stairs in the Great Hall. I couldn't help laugh and cry. Or swear. Maybe I should swear. It might take my mind off of everything. Here it goes:

"I THINK YOU ARE A FUCKING BASTARD! I HOPE YOU ARE TAKING A HIKE ONE DAY AND HAVE TO PEE SO YOU DROP YOUR PANTS AND THEN A TREE FALLS ON YOU AND KNOCKS YOU OUT AND THEN WHEN YOU WAKE UP A BIRD HAS EATEN YOUR PENIS! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL FOR ALL OF ENTERNITY! I HOPE YOU BECOME IMPOTENT! WHEN I GET MY WAND BACK I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU CANT EVEN HAVE SEX WITH YOURSELF! I AM NOT SOME TYPE LOVE TOY! I HATE YOU! I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT THE ORDER KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE YOU LIVE! OR I WILL COME BACK AS A FLY AND BUZZ OF YOU EAR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! OR MY LIFE! OR HOWEVER LONG A FLY LIVES…"

I kind of lost my buzz at the end but I think he got the picture.

Snape came halfway down the stairs. "Did you say something? I was in the shower."

I just let out one big frustrated scream and went into the kitchen.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

So I am officially not talking to him. So far so good. Of course I haven't seen him since I screamed bloody murder and then went into the kitchen. That was well over two hours ago and I am pretty sure I am going to rip out my hair in frustration. I will not back down.

Snape came into the kitchen where I was washing dishes and began to pitter around grabbing plates out of the cupboard and dirtying the right in front of me. While I'm washing dishes! It's like killing an animal in front of PETA! What is the matter with him? He has a swollen ego!

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I finally snapped grabbing yet another plate out of his hands. He looked surprised but I just kept a firm grip on the plate. "I am washing dishes and you are dirtying them right in front of me. Stop it!"

Snape stood back for a moment and then sat down and just ate whatever was on his plates. That's right, PLATES. He has dirtied seven plates. All to make a sandwich. He has a plate for three pieces of turkey to sit on, then one for the bread, another for the lettuce, then another for a little puddle of mustard. I have only seen a spread like this at one of my parent's dentist ball's. Yeah, dentists have balls too! Not like balls, balls. Like Cinderella type of balls. I mean yeah dentists have BALLS. Well the male one's do… right. Anyways.

I could feel Snape's eyes boring into the back of my head. What does he want now? To reach his hand into my bra then tell my to clean the bathroom? I would like that….NO YOU WOULDN'T! STOP IT YOU FOOL!

I finally finished the dishes and couldn't think of anything else to do so I turned around.

"Do you want me to do anything else? You don't have to kiss me," I added sarcastically. He looked angry. I was ready for him to yell at me.

"No," Snape said and took a sip of water. I waited. He just went back to eating. No? No? No? No! Well what am I supposed to do then?

"Well what am I supposed to do then?" I asked angrily. Alright it was more awkward than angry.

"Anything you want," Snape answered.

"Can I go for a walk?" I asked sweetly.

"No," Snape answered turning to look at me with a Nice-Try look. I wasn't trying to escape. I was just thinking this stale air is going to give me skin cancer or something along that lines. Oh I must look pasty.

"Please? I promise not to run away! I really, really promise! I need air. Fresh air! I need to feel the sun and air that isn't produced by Maytag! I just really, really want to go outside into nice warm wherever I am air! I need this! Please! I really just NEED this!" I said sitting down across from him and practically begging. Alright I was begging like a dog in the streets but I was desperate.

Snape stared at me for a long moment and I made sure to put my sultry/ puppy dog eyes on. Apparently they did the trick.

"Any funny business and I will kill you," Snape warned. He looked really upset with himself. "We will go out for one hour and you are not to speak to anyone. You are to stay at my side and just walk. Understood?"

I let out a piercing scream and jumped up and hugged him. I completely caught him off guard because he just kinda patted my head and pushed me off of him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh you are a god!" I yelled as I ran up the stairs. I crashed into my room and took this stupid uniform off and put my shorts and tank-top back on. You know what they kidnapped me in. I wonder if there are pictures of me?

I went down into the hall and waited for him. He took forever. I am pretty sure on purpose. But whatever. When he finally came out he was dressed as a muggle. A.k.a. SEXY!

"Now we are going to a park. Nothing more. At the end of one hour I am going to tell you that we are going and you will come without a fight or you will never see daylight again. Is that clear?" Snape asked in his scary professor voice.

"Crystal," I said nodding. I was giddy like if you eat seventy pixie sticks and a coke. Yeah I know what pixie sticks are. I do live in the muggle world three months out of the year. Plus my mother sends me all her glossy mags so I can see who the muggles are interested in.

"Let's go. Oh," Snape stopped me and looked at me dead in the eye. "You are not to speak to anyone. I mean it if you start babbling about whatever the hell you annoy me with here, I am taking you home!"

"Jeez calm down. I'm not going to come out and say, 'Help the Dark Lord has me as his prisoner! Please save me from the man in the jeans!' They'll send me to an insane asylum," I said waiting for him to open the door. "Wait when does the time start? Like when we get to the park or when you open the door?"

"I guess when I open the door," Snape started but faltered under my look. "Fine, when we get to the bloody park!" He snarled and pushed the door open. The sunlight almost blinded me. Seriously I think I even screamed and put my hands over my eyes.

I walked down the streets and turned back to the house. Ok his house is fabulous from the outside. I mean it needs some serious work and maybe a nice paint job but it could be amazing. There are two big oak trees that hang over the house and a swing. A swing? Whatever.

He lives at the end of the street, which only has three other houses, so we walked down that street. I wanted to skip but Snape said that if I even dared to skip around him he would surely turn around. He is such a moody bastard!

We finally got to a park that I recognized immediately. This was my park. This was my neighborhood. Well not the one Snape lives in but I live like three streets from this park. My dad used to take me here when my mother got depressed again. Which was a lot. She drank more than a sailor and just became annoying so my dad would take me here. This is also the place he took me after my sister died and my mother was slowly slipping into insanity. I remember we sat here for hours not talking.

I giggled wildly and began to dance around. Snape looked embarrassed and smiled at two old ladies who walked by. He then waved me over and gave me a death glare.

"Hermione Granger?" a voice called and I whipped around. Oh thank the belly buttons! It was my neighbor. I acted quickly.

"No, my name is Caroline Snape," I said silkily. I went over to Snape and put my arm around him like we were just married. I placed my head on his chest and I swear he pinched my arm really hard.

"Oh I am so sorry dear. You look like a girl who lived next door to me. Poor thing went missing or ran away. Left her parents a right old mess. They don't even leave their house anymore. People are in and out of there at all hours just trying to persuade them to come out and keep living! I myself have been in there and I really mean it! You are the spitting image of their daughter. I have not seen them this upset since they lost their other daughter. Oh my! I apologize, by the look on your face it seems I've upset you," Mrs. Grant said softly. "I wont take anymore of your time. I hope you two are very happy together."

"Thank you," I said feeling tears well up in my eyes. My neighbor left and I willed her to tell my parents that she saw someone named Caroline Snape. They would pick up on it. They would. They had to. When I was little my parents made a code in case anything went wrong. It was Caroline after my sister. We called it Code Caroline. If we said that something was wrong with her and we had to go to her immediately.

Snape dropped my arm and seemed guilty. Well almost guilty. As guilty as Snape could feel, that was what he looked like.

"Can we just go to one more place before we go home?" I asked quietly trying to sound calm when in fact I was close to sobbing.

Snape just nodded and I walked across a path until we got to a graveyard. Snape frowned in either confusion or understanding when I went to a man selling flowers and turned to Snape. He rolled his eyes and paid the money for the roses.

I walked slowly across the leave strewn path until I got to what I was looking for. It was a tiny grave that was covered in dead flowers. I bent down and looked at the name.

_R.I.P._

_Caroline Amanda Granger_

_May 14, 1982-_

_July 10, 1991_

_Beloved daughter, cherished sister._

_With love to our darling daughter, _

_Mum and dad and Hermione._

I have never been to see this because before I didn't want to. I thought if I just pretended she didn't exist than it wouldn't hurt anymore. After a while it got to the point where I almost believed that I didn't have a sister. I noticed that Snape hung back slightly.

"Hey Carrie," I whispered feeling hot tears in my eyes. "I don't know if you remember me. I'm your sister that forgot all about you," I said and couldn't hold back a sob. "I am so sorry I didn't come. I am so sorry I forgot all about you. But you have to understand, I hated you. You made my entire life this big held back bubble and then you just died and left me to deal with mum and dad. I felt deserted. I hated you for not coming back. I wanted you to be there when I got my letter and I wanted to come home and tell you all about Hogwarts and my friends. You shouldn't be here. You didn't deserve it. I remember up until the time you died you would still joke about it. I am so sorry that every night I heard mum pray for you to stay, I countered it just asking him to come take you. To just take you and relieve you of this pain. I remember the day you died. It was a really warm day and I begged mum to let you go outside. She finally relented and I pushed you into the backyard. You only weighed like fifty pounds and you were covered in a blanket with a hat and scarf. But when you saw the sun and you smiled. It was the first time I saw you really smile in years. You were only eight but you turned to me and told me that in heaven people don't get sick. They stay happy and the sun is always shining. I kissed your head and told you that you don't have to stay in this pain. If you want to go, just go. You smiled and took my hand and told me to look after mum because she was going to go insane, to make sure dad threw out the milk after he drank it, and you told me that I was a magical person who would do great things. You kissed my hand and sat back. I thought you were sleeping. I really did. When I called your name and didn't answer I got so scared. I was petrified that you left me and you did! I was angry at you for being weak and I was angry that you left this mess of a family for me to keep together. That was why all these years I stayed back. I didn't want to admit to myself that you died. I thought if I just didn't speak about you, you wouldn't exist. I'm sorry I forgot your laugh, and I'm sorry I forgot the way you would giggle when dad did his stupid hate dance. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I finally just broke down and sobbed onto the grave. I didn't know how long I was there. When I looked back I noticed that Snape had gone and sat on a bench about twenty feet away.

I sighed and got up. "Bye Carebear," I whispered and left. If I lived I'd come back. I promised her. I would come back.

I walked up the slanted path until I was at the bench.

"Come on," I said my voice still hoarse from crying. Snape stood up and without a word led me further into the graveyard. I noticed he had some flowers in his hand. I knew we were going to his mum's grave.

We spent twenty minutes there and then walked back onto the street.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked quietly.

"Like?" Snape asked.

"Can I please just put this letter in my mailbox? I really want my parents to know I'm ok. I don't think I can take it if they thought I was dead. They'd kill themselves," I said not able to keep the panic out of my voice.

Snape looked angry then he turned to me and glanced around.

"What I am about to do can kill me," Snape said barely moving his lips.

"What is it?" I asked my eyes wide.

"I'm going to let you talk to your parents," Snape said once again his lips were barely moving. It looked like I was talking and it was making him angry.

"Oh really?" I said and jumped on top of him. Literally I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him and hugged him and if I could I'd take him behind a bench and really show him how grateful I am. But instead I took his hand and ran across the street. I was almost hit by several cars but I didn't stop until I was at my front door. I took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened minutes later and my mother stood there in a familiar way. She looked like she hadn't slept in months, she wasn't wearing make-up and a bottle of pain killers was gripped in her hand.

"JOHN! JOHN!" my mum started screaming and gave me a big tug. She grabbed me into the house and began to sob uncontrollably. Her hug was so strong that I didn't even mind the fact that I was most likely not getting air to my brain. I didn't care. I hugged my mother with a such force she almost toppled over.

My dad ran into the room looking panicked. He saw me and tears appeared in his eyes. He then hugged me very, very tightly.

Half an hour later my parents let me go. My dad turned to Snape. "Who the hell is this?"

"He saved me dad," I answered. Snape looked taken aback. "I am in hiding. Now listen to me. I cant stay long I need to go back into hiding. I don't know how long I'll be. Please just promise me that you wont do anything crazy. Please I need you to keep a cool head about this. Can you do that?" Both my parents nodded and I smiled.

"Your friends have been going crazy. What do I tell them?" mum asked.

"Tell them that for now I'm save," I said smiling.

"Son what is your name?" my dad asked. I didn't mention that Snape was about two years older than him.

"Severus Snape," Snape answered taking his hand. I almost giggled.

"Well I hope Hermione hasn't been too much trouble," my dad said and Snape almost laughed. I frowned at him and led my mum into the kitchen.

"Mum," I hissed. "Take this. It will light up if I'm in trouble," I said thrusting a coin into her hands. "You take this when it's hot and owl Harry and Ron and the order. You cant tell them who you saw me with. Just tell them I am ok. Please promise me mum. The name of the place I am staying at is called Spinner's End. Just keep calm and wait," I said kissing her cheek. I noticed Snape was watching me with a slight frown so I just let out a rash giggle. Mum joined in.

An hour later we had to leave. I kissed my parents and left. Everything was going to be ok. It really was. When I got back to Snape's house I was in such a good mood.

"You said you were going to make this up to me?" Snape asked and I smirked.

"Yeah I did," I said with a smile and took my shirt off.

Snape stood there shell shocked for a moment. "I meant organizing my book shelves," Snape finally said staring at my chest. I flushed embarrassed and covered myself.

"Right," I croaked. "I'll get right on that."

I rushed up the stairs and fell onto my bed. I can never go down there again. EVER!

A/N Please read and review. I finally wrote a longer chappie! Oh and for the story purpose, let's PRETEND Hermione knew what PETA was! Ok? Goodie, review please.


	13. Acting

I was rudely woken up this morning. Snape pulled me out of bed with such a strength I didn't even realize. He dragged me to the living room where people, well not really people so much as Voldemort and his brainless goonies, were apparently waiting for me.

Snape shoved me to my knees and I knew better than to cry out. I just bowed my head and waited.

"Severus it has come to my attention that young Malfoy would like to take this mess off your hands. If that is what you desire," Voldemort said and I could feel his stare on me.

"As much as I appreciate his eagerness to help I find myself having too much fun with this one," Snape said viciously. "I seemed to have gained her trust."

I almost stood up and hit him. I didn't but I felt hurt. It was all a game to him. There was laughter from everyone around the room and I felt myself about to cry.

"Very well I am always glad to help a loyal servant," Voldemort said with laughter tinting his words. "I will allow you to keep her as a toy."

A toy? I am just a toy to people? There was an expectant pause which I wasn't sure what to do. Suddenly someone grabbed me roughly by the hair and dragged me to meet Snape's face.

"Go clean yourself up and wait for me in my room," Snape said with a cold glare. I couldn't see any recognition of anything that had happen over the past month. He was really going to rape me. He kissed me and on instinct I bit his lip. He gave me a punch that sent me down to my knees. "GO!" Snape roared. I left feeling myself begin to panic. My parents were most likely dead. Snape would have told Voldemort where to find them. I played right into their little game. How could I have been so foolish as to think that Snape would ever be anything more than the evil murderer Harry always said he was?

I walked into the bathroom and ran a bath. I washed myself and slowly dried myself. Then I walked out of the bathroom and went and sat on Snape's bed. The pain in my cheek was still sharp and I felt a small trickled of blood rolling off and onto my hands. I wiped the blood away and didn't even think to cry. I was too angry and afraid. This entire time he was just gaining my trust. What do you expect? He's been doing it for seventeen years.

He tricked everyone. He tricked Dumbledore, he tricked the Ministry, he tricked me. That hurt the most. I opened up to him and he betrayed me.

Minutes ticked by at a slow pace. I heard footsteps and I panicked. Snape opened the door and Malfoy, Lucius, walked in looking slightly disdainful. He examined me with a slight smile.

"My son would very much like her as a toy," Malfoy said with a sneer. I tried not to flinch at the way they were talking about my impending rape like it were Quidditch scores.

"I am having too much fun with this one though. Mind games seem to work best with her," Snape said coldly.

"For an entire month you have been playing mind games with her?" Malfoy asked incredulously. "I would have thought you wouldn't let this one out of your bed. Mudblood or not I bet that mouth has other uses than spiteful remarks."

I repressed a shudder although a dull flush was creeping back onto my cheeks. I could not believe they were talking about this like it was nothing much.

Snape walked behind me and I tensed. He held me tightly to my body and I was suddenly afraid. I was wondering if I should tell them that I'm not much into threesomes. I decided not to because now I'm not so sure that Snape would think twice before hitting me.

His breath was hot on my neck and I felt another wave of panic shoot through me. Surely he wouldn't do anything in front on Malfoy.

"I can see why my son might want her for company," Malfoy remarked. "So what do you have her do?"

"Whatever I feel like. If I don't feel like fucking with her mind I lock her in her room," Snape said and ran his finger from my cheek and down to my neck. "She's been good though. I let her out today and she didn't even bother to run. She does just as I tell her to. I have her in the palm of my hand." Snape ran his hand down to my chest. I felt myself tense as he began to unbutton my shirt. "I think Malfoy I am in the mood. If you come back in another hour or so I think we'll go out to dinner tonight."

Malfoy smirked and nodded. He left with a wave of his hand. Snape held onto me until he heard the door slam shut. His hand was still down my shirt and I was almost positive I felt a hardness pressed into me. I stayed stock still until Snape finally removed his hand and pushed my away. I was confused.

I sat on the bed and looked at him. "Well come on. Not in the mood to fuck with my mind anymore? Well then lets go! You want me so bad you come over here and take me. What's the matter? Voldemort got your tongue?" I spat spitefully. Snape stared at me for a long moment.

"Miss Granger are you really that daft?" Snape snarled. I paused.

"What?" I finally asked not knowing what else to say.

"It was an act. I have no intention in touching you. Although your striptease yesterday did peak my interest, I have no need nor want to rape you. If I did I surely would not waste a month trying to gain your trust back," Snape said with a frown.

"But you were-" I began again.

"Acting. I'm not exactly going to wink at you and give you any signals," Snape said angrily. "Now go clean up. Did I hurt you with that punch?" Snape asked me peering at my cheek. I angrily slapped his hand away. " The house-elves will make sure you get anything you need."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "House-elves?" I asked.

"Yes now leave my room," Snape said shoving me out. Well then. I was still not sure if it was an act. He was a good actor. Managing to allude the most powerful wizard I know surely counts for something. This is all still an act.

I went into my room and sat on the bed. Snape came in minutes later.

"Get out," he said snapping his fingers at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked sitting up and pushing the wet cloth off of my face.

"I'm moving your room," Snape said grabbing me by the arm and leading me down the stairs to the yellow room.

"Why?" I asked. This room was directly connected to another bedroom.

"I really would not have my sex slave sleeping too far away from me," Snape said angrily.

"I'm not your sex slave," I snapped back.

"Well they don't know that do they? Merlin forbid they think I enjoy your company," Snape said shoving me into the room.

"Wait is this your room?" I asked walking through the ark that separated the rooms.

"Yes," Snape said grabbing my arm and pulling me back into my room.

"I though you slept upstairs," I said frowning.

"No that is my spare room," Snape said opening the closet door. "These are your clothes, bathroom is across the hall, kitchen to your left. I hope you don't mind a snorer."

I rolled my eyes. This day just keeps on getting BETTER!

"No I hope you don't mind that I am petrified of the dark and most likely will need the light on," I said looking innocent.

Snape gave me a dirty look and pushed past me. "Lola! Lola!"

"Who's Lola?" I asked curiously.

"My house elf," Snape said turning back to me.

"Why haven't I seen her in the entire month I've been here?" I asked frowning.

"I told her that if she was spotted she would get a pair of socks faster than a snitch," Snape said looking angry. "Lola! I promise you can come out of hiding. Take your brother with you."

A house elf walked over cautiously.

"Get over here and stop your dawdling," Snape snarled pointing into my room. "This is your new master. You are to serve her as if she were kin."

The house elf surveyed me with distaste. I smiled and she looked affronted. She turned back to Snape and bowed.

"Where is your brother?" Snape spat watching me try and make friends with the elf.

"Sleeping, sir," Lola said quietly looking down.

"Sage!" Snape roared. A second later another elf that looked scared the death walked into view. "When I call you I want you at my feet within a minute!"

"Stop yelling at them," I snapped. Three shocked faces turned to me.

"Oh house elves too? Well aren't we just lucky you were brought here to us," Snape said sarcastically. "There is no need for your uniform. Please place it in the basket. I will arrange for clothes to be given to you within the hour. I will allow you outside but so help me Merlin if I find you trying to hop the fence I will be most displeased. Stay out of my study. Stay out of my bedroom," Snape pointed at the one to my left. "Stay out of my old room. And if you try and open the wall in the living room I will most definitely send you to the Malfoy's dressed back in your uniform. Try and go back to sleep," Snape said swiftly and began to walk from the room.

"Wont they know?" I asked biting my bottom lip in embarrassment at what I was about to ask him.

"Know what?" Snape asked in his dull voice.

"That you didn't rape me," I answered watching as he digested what I just said. "I mean I can do it myself if you feel like going out and buying me a dildo-"

"What?" Snape roared blushing.

"You don't know what they are?" I asked smirking slightly.

"Of course I know what they are!" Snape said still angry and even more embarrassed.

"Well-" I began again.

"I do not wish to speak about this now," Snape said smoothly overriding me. "I will be going out tonight. I am sure that Lola and Sage will help you with whatever you need. Speaking of which, Lola get Granger a salve for her face."

Snape turned and left. I looked at the elves with a comforting smile on my face.

"Hello I'm Hermione," I said smiling. Lola still looked really angry that I was stuck with her. However Sage bent down to bow but Lola grabbed him up with a sharp tug.

"You are disgracing that Prince family name!" Lola whispered furiously. Sage looked at his feet but stayed bowing.

"I don't need you to bow," I said quickly. Lola gave me a withering glance but Sage looked at me with big eyes. "Really. In fact do you want to…talk?"

Lola gave a furious sniff and pulled Sage from the room. I sighed and sat back in my new bed. Much more comfortable than that other one. Sweet damn!

I looked through the closet of old robes and smiled. Some of them looked to be as old as I was. They smelled like old people. Which I guess wasn't a bad thing.

'_Treat her like she is kin.' _

That is what Snape said. So I have free reign of the house. Maybe I should tidy it a bit or so…

A/N Please read and review.


	14. Snoring

I cautiously walked out of my room and made my way down the hall. So far I have not been shoved into my room. Was I really a guest? I wanted to do something to test his patience but it seemed thin. I thought he was actually going to rape me. I was so afraid. I mean yeah he's sultry and all but I don't like to be forced to do anything. Especially sex. And buying books. I hate buying a book only to find out I've already read it. Sometimes they'll change the cover and the summary to get you to buy the book again. Pisses me off. Is it weird that I don't mind being raped but heaven forbid I buy a book I've already read? Just me? Alright.

Now that the house elves were ALLOWED out of hiding, the entire house was spotless. I walked into the living room which was shining with sunshine now that Snape had someone, or something, open the shades and allow some sunlight to stream in here. Good thing too, this place was starting to remind me of a prison cell. Anyways, oh did I mention before that Snape lives on top of a hill? And that to get down onto the street you need to walk down this big path and go through a gate that's magically locked and that the only way in is if you know what you're looking for? No? I must have been too excited what with getting out for the first time in a month.

I was just walking around the house when I noticed a hallway I had never seen before. I slowly began to walk down it when the elf stopped me. I think it was Lola.

"Miss is not supposed to be here," Lola said desperately. I stopped. I wasn't going to fight her over going down the hall. I mean I would totally win. I glanced down again.

"Why what's over there?" I asked my curiosity already sky rocketing.

"Do you command me to tell you?" Lola asked slyly.

"No," I said slowly.

"Then Miss is to stay away," Lola snapped pushing me out of the hallway. For an elf she was really strong. I mean she was shoving me like I was a chair.

I sighed and walked around the house again. It is so boring in here.

"Can I go into the library?" I asked again trying to get the elf off of me.

"Miss is allowed in the library," Lola said letting go of my wrist. She began to pick up a tea cup.

"Thank you," I answered. Lola dropped the cups and turned to me.

"What did Miss just say?" she asked looking scandalized.

"Thank you?" I said frowning.

Lola looked like I had slapped her. She began to breath heavy and then started cleaning really fast apparently not wanting to be close to me too long. Like what am I going to do? Lunge at her? Never, my aim is so off. I have really bad hand-eye coordination.

I walked away from the scurrying elf and back into the hall. There was suddenly another hallway. Why had I never seen this house before? I mean all I really saw was my room and the kitchen. He never really gave me a chance to look around. The whole kidnapping me thing took a lot of his free time. I began to walk down the hall again when the elf was back in my way.

"Stop snooping!" Lola cried angrily. She pulled me by the arm into the library which looked tons bigger than it did last time I was in here.

"Wow," I breathed and took a book off the shelf. "The Chronicles of Narnia. I have not read this book since I was a kid. Why does he have it?" I turned back to where Lola was standing only to find her gone. Ok she is really freaking me out.

I sat in a big comfy arm chair and began to read. This was fun…

Twenty minutes the fun wore off. I don't know what the my problem is. Usually I start reading a book and I cant put it down until I finish it. I cant sit still here. I need-

I was just thinking I needed a drink when it appeared out of no where. Seriously, a glass appeared on the table next to me. Weird. What a cool house!

"I need a way out," I said slowly and clearly. I looked over at the table and saw a note. I grabbed it with excitement and felt disappointment seep into me. In Snape's handwriting it says, 'Nice Try,'.

Stupid house.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

True to his word Snape left me with his crazy elves while he went to the Malfoy manor. Sage was ok, Lola was a complete nut job. She was like Winky and Sage was like Dobby.

Lola slammed plates down in front of me and wouldn't look me in the eye. Was this all because I said thank you? Honestly someone said manners were important. You are NOT supposed to have slaves.

After dinner I was walking around again when Lola showed up.

"Miss is supposed to take her bath now," Lola said looking angry because I was already near that hallway. I looked over at her and smiled.

"Alright should I use the bathroom upstairs?" I asked beginning to walk up the creaky stairs.

"No! Miss is to use her own personal bath off of her room," Lola snapped. I turned to her.

"I don't have a personal bath," I answered dumbly. Lola however held me firmly by the wrist and brought me into my room which had CHANGED since this morning.

Seriously it wasn't yellow anymore. It was white, with a white carpet and white sheets. There was a big bay window, and doors that led out onto a terrace. I gasped. Book shelves had been brought in and stacked with books. There arch way to Snape's room read, _Miss Hermione Granger's Quarters. _

The room was gorgeous! I turned to Lola and frowned.

"Why is the house changing?" I asked slightly annoyed.

"The house did not change Miss. It trust you now," Lola answered.

"The house trusts me?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," Lola answered angrily.

"So why does it trust me?" I asked bemused.

"Because Master must trust you more than he did before," Lola snapped. I turned to her.

"What the hell is your problem? I am trying to be nice to you," I said angrily.

"Don't," Lola snarled and left with a pop.

I gazed around the room. Sure enough there was my personal bath. I can not believe the house changes once it trusts you! That is such a Snape thing.

I ran my bath and felt myself begin to doze off into a slumber. I had to keep dunking my head under the water. Finally when I fell asleep for like twenty seconds I decided to get out before I fell asleep and drowned to death. That would suck, I could just read the headline. "GIRL CAPTURED BY Voldemort DROWNED TO DEATH-NOT DEATH EATERS FAULT!"

Haha. I giggled and got out of the bath and found crisp pjs waiting for me. I slipped them on with such happiness. I was not longer wearing my uniform to sleep!

Ah, so nice I feel sleep slowly coming on-

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Alright I was sleeping when there was a thunderous crash from behind my door. I freaked thinking it was like a Death Eater, so I didn't move. That was until I heard Snape began to yell.

"Sage bring me some scotch!" Snape bellowed clearly drunk. I heard giggles like a girl was with him. Well this was absolutely disgusting. I mean what the crap?

I cautiously walked into the dining room where Snape was sitting looking off into space. I realized it was him giggling not a lady friend. Lady friend? I sound like my grandmother…

"Snape?" I asked making sure I was far enough away in case he freaked out.

Snape turned to me and his eyes seemed unable to focus on me clearly. He blinked a couple of times before his head came crashing down on the table. I paused for a moment, I didn't know what to do. I really had never seen anyone drunk before. Well ok let me rephrase, I have never seen anyone pass out before. I mean I have been to a Weasley wedding. Those people drink like it's going out of style.

"Lola?" I said in somewhat of a strangled cry. She walked in and looked at Snape and rolled her eyes in a disgusted way. Then she spotted me and her anger seemed to deepen.

"Miss should get back to her room before Master wakes and finds she saw him. He ordered me to keep you in your room and that is what Lola shall do!" Lola cried and pushed me back into the room. I sighed and lay back in bed. Minutes later there was a crash and two sets of soothing voices.

"Alright Master, some rest will do you good," Sage said in a thick, honey voice. Even I felt slightly sleepier. Snape however just grunted in frustration and crashed into something else. He swore really loudly and then seemed to fall into bed.

When he said he snored I thought he was kidding. This is ridiculous. I'm not sure you can even call them snores so much as vacuum cleaners! That sound is unbearable. I've already put cotton in my ear. That didn't work in the least bit. I am seriously going to have to smother him or something. Every now and then he'll stop and I'll relax, but he'll start again only this time they're louder. He is so doing this on purpose. I am going to tell him that if he insists on being drunk than he is going to have to go and sleep elsewhere. I don't scream like a banshee in my sleep, do I? No. And why is that? Because I am polite and can tell when some people do not want to be woken at 4 in the morning! I am not going to be able to go to sleep at all. I mean unless he sucks his pillow into his mouth. Which I wouldn't doubt the intensity of air he must be sucking in, should be able to get a pillow air borne and then into his mouth. I mean I wouldn't know. I DON'T SNORE LIKE FREIGHT TRAIN!

I began to get annoyed so I went into the kitchen at six and made myself some coffee. Whatever.

A/N Please read and review.


	15. Ladies Home Journal

Ok Lola totally shoved me out of the kitchen with one huge shove. I slammed right into the wall opposite the kitchen. That elf seriously is off her knutter! She kept telling me I was trying to steal Snape! Can you believe that? She can have Snape. I will even gift wrap him if I have too…haha.

Snape stumbled into the kitchen looking like he was in serious pain. That's too bad. I feel guilty, I was going to prance around the house banging on a pot. But if he feels this ill I guess I cant…I mean I can but it wouldn't be nice. Of course kidnapping me and telling everyone I'm your sex slave also isn't that nice.

"Sage!" Snape moaned rubbing his temples. "Sage!" Snape didn't even notice me. That is A-Ok. "Where is that bumbling house elf? Get in her you incompetent sack of worthless shit! I am walking over to the sock drawer! Sage!"

"You told him you wanted him to stay in his hole until hell freezes over Master," Lola said ambling into the dining room cautiously.

"Did I? Well I think I'll scratch that from my list seeing as I drank my weight in alcohol last night. Now where is what's her face. Big hair, really annoying?" Snape asked sitting down and placing his head on the table.

"Do you mean me?" I asked with a tinge of scorn. Snape snapped his head up so quickly he let out a yelp of pain. He began to rub his temples angrily.

"Can you not see I'm in pain? And you insist in trying to scare me? I'm sure Hogwarts finest would love to see you now," Snape said with more scorn than I could ever muster.

"I'm sure they would. Seeing as I'm missing," I said smoothly. He glared at me but this time the pain in his head must of outweighed whatever he wanted to say. He just gave a defeated groan and lay his head back on the table. I had no sympathy for him and rolled my eyes.

"You are a Death Eater and THIS is your weakness?" I asked trying to touch a nerve. "Well I should let Harry know that the way to defeat you is to take you for a few drinks the night before. You must keep Voldemort very proud!"

"Will you shut the bloody fuck up?" Snape roared. He winced and held his head. I rolled my eyes again.

"Do you want my help or not?" I asked stiffly. Snape looked up at me like he highly doubted I could be any help to him.

"How are you going to help me? Read about a hangover remedy in a book?" Snape asked spitefully.

"Actually yes," I said not fazed. "It's titled, 'Stupid Things Stupider People Do.'"

"Oh very funny," Snape said grabbing the wet cloth from Lola.

"Actually I read it in Ladies Home Journal," I said taking a bit of crumpet. "These are good. Have you tried one?" I asked waiting for him to ask me for help. We both knew it was coming because he looked like he was having an eternal battle.

"How long will it take?" Snape said grudgingly.

"With the proper ingredients I say you should be able to think straight in eight minutes. Twelve if you drag your feet," I said sitting back and waiting for him to move.

"Sage!" Snape screamed. "Sage! I promise you can come out of hiding! I swear it on my mother's name!" Sage still did not appear and Snape rolled his eyes and muttered, "I knew that wouldn't work," Snape cleared his throat and tried again. "I swear it on my Italian Leather Boots."

The elf appeared looking frightened. I frowned, slightly amused.

"Italian Leather Boots? Are you sure you're not gay?" I asked with a sarcastic smirk.

"Shut up and make the fucking remedy," Snape said laying his head back on the table.

"I think you forgot something," I said like a mother talking to a misbehaving child.

"Now," Snape yelled. I sat back and folded my arms.

"Dear, dear, what on earth was that last ingredient? I don't want to make the wrong one and have your penis fall off-" I began.

"Please," Snape moaned angrily.

"Aw that's right," I said pleased. "See that wasn't hard. Nothing happened. You didn't die from compassion overload."

"Wanna bet?" Snape grumbled. I heaved myself up.

"Do you have pots? Or does Lola do all the cooking?" I asked. He looked up at me with a What-The-Fuck-Do-You-Think? Look. I sighed and went into the kitchen. I came back out a second later. "Do you have a blender?"

"A what?" Snape said miserably.

"A blender?" I said again. "You know what? It's fine. The chunkier the better," I said stepping back into the kitchen. I giggled at his disgusted expression.

Lola was surveying me with much dislike.

"Miss is to use the kitchen to her liking," Lola said looking at her feet.

"Would you like to help me?" I asked trying to be kind.

"No," Lola answered and slammed a pot down in front of me.

"Thank you," I said grabbing ingredients off the shelf. Lola stared at me again before leaving. "Snape do you have any allergies?"

"Seafood," Snape answered groggily.

"Crap," I muttered. I walked back into the kitchen and then stuck my head out again. "What would happen if you were to say drink some seafood?"

Snape looked up and took the heat packs off his eyes. His look was one of pure outrage.

"You can not DRINK seafood!" Snape said disgusted.

"Uh I'm not going to list what I put in here otherwise you wont drink it. So just take this and pretend it's apple juice," I said handing him a glass filled with gray congealed goo. Snape looked at my doubtfully.

"Is it poisoned?" Snape asked sarcastically.

I hesitated. I could have poisoned him. "I'm making a note not to let you near my food again," Snape said with a frown he held his nose and took a big gulp.

"Don't spit it out!" I warned. He gave me another dirty glance and swallowed.

"That is nasty," Snape said placing the dirty dish on the table.

"Helped though huh?" I said winking at him.

"I guess I would be inclined to agree with you," Snape said again looking like he wanted to make me cry.

"So what were you doing till four in the morning that you came back swerving more than Neville on a broom?" I asked sitting down.

"That is none of your business. And from now on when you exit your room you will be dressed appropriately," Snape said glancing at my white jammies with a dismissive sniff.

"Why you're in your boxers," I pointed to him. He blushed a deep red and did not respond. I smirked. "So I get you were drinking but what I don't get is with whom? Was it Malfoy? Is he your drinking buddy?"

"Miss Granger," Snape began but I stopped him by holding my hands up.

"Snape please. You've held me captive for what? An entire month? Please call me Hermione," I said sarcastically.

"Miss-" Snape began.

"You've also kissed me," I pointed out.

"Grang-" Snape said looking angrier by the minute.

"And seen my boobs," I said watching as he blushed again.

"Hermione!" Snape finally bellowed.

"Yes?" I asked now allowing him to speak.

"What I do in my spare time does not concern you," Snape spat snapping his fingers. Seconds later Lola appeared carrying a tray of food.

"Under any circumstances I would never dream of asking but if you are going to stumble piss drunk into the house, then proceed to crash about and giggle. I would like to know. Also you said you snored! That was not snoring! Ron snores. You use your entire nasal passage. It sounds like your trying to blow a penny out your nose," I said taking a piece of toast. Snape didn't respond. I looked over and saw he was sleeping. Sleeping. SLEEPING! I was in the middle of yelling at him, leaving big gaping holes for him to yell back, and he falls asleep!

I didn't know whether I should wake him or not. I was relieved to see Lola come in and snap her fingers. Snape levitated and she brought him back to his room. You know what? That was rude. I listen to his stupid bitching. Well I at least nod along.

I got up and washed my dish much to Sage's discomfort. He kept trying to take it away from me. I finally let go and let him have it. He washed it, I thanked him, he dropped the dish and began to sob at my feet, I told him it was fine, he blew his nose on my slippers, Lola came back in and dragged him away with a nasty glare at me. Fun times at Snape Manor.

The house, now that it trusts me, is huge and actually picturesque. I kinda like it. Of course I would much rather like to know I'm not being held here against my will. I can pretend that I am his Apprentice that he wont let touch any potions. That is probably what it would be like anyways. Stupid Snape. Stupid Snape Manor. Stupid house-elves. Stupid vase that tried to bite me. Hey a dart board!

A/N Please read and review.


	16. Grass and Formal Dinners

Dart board distracted me for three minutes. And a good three minutes they were. Until I broke some box thingy that had this green powder in it. Grass began to sprout all over the place. I was too busy freaking out to notice that it began to grow onto the walls. Oh this is worse than the glitter. The house isn't going to trust me anymore.

I waited for the house to go back to the dank settings but it stayed the same. Well I better get out of here quickly otherwise I'm going to get a grass stain on my jammies. I wonder how often Snape goes in here. I was walking out of the room when I glance at a plaque it read, 'Severus' Room,'

Shit. So he is most likely going to want to come in here. Well what the hell was grass doing in here anyways? Unless he was smoking it. If he was smoking it I might even get away with yelling at him. Maybe I can offer to buy him a lawn mower.

He is going to kill me. This is like ten times worse than the glitter. Maybe I'll nail the door shut or something. Oh no I THINK I hear him coming.

I ran out of the room and shut the door with a quick bang. Sure enough Snape came around the corner looking tired. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and caught sight of me. He groaned in discomfort and just made a shooing movement. I smiled my best I-DIDN'T-DO-ANYTHING-smile in hopes it would work.

"Move," Snape grumbled.

"Why?" I asked in a husky voice.

"This is my study," Snape said in an annoyed voice.

"THIS is your study?" I said blanching. I had to pick the one place he told me not to go in, and then make sure it looked like a meadow. Snape probably isn't the meadow type. He doesn't strike me as hippie.

"Yes this is my study," Snape said picking me up and moving me out of the way. He opened the door and I turned around and quickly made my way down the hall. I didn't hear screaming. I didn't hear him cursing my name and wishing I would just die. Nothing like that. I am in the clear.

Well I thought I was in the clear. That is until Snape came up behind me and took me firmly by the arm. I winced as the pain slowly crept onto my arm.

"So I'm guessing you're upset," I began.

"Shh," Snape said angrily. He brought me back to the room. "So when I said you were forbidden in my study, you took that as, please come in and make as much of a mess as you please? Is that what you think? I am trying to save your life and you continually defy me!"

I paused mid insult.

"You're trying to save me?" I asked carefully. He also stopped whatever he was going to say to me and paused, clearly lost for words. Apparently the fact that I knew he wasn't going to kill me must mean I can act as annoying as I can.

"No," Snape said defiantly. He looked like he was struggling for words. "I am most certainly going to kill you. And send you to the Malfoy's."

"Oh you wont send me to the Malfoy's," I said with a smirk.

"And why should I not pack you up and send you on your way?" Snape asked trying to regain the upper hand.

"Because I, my dumb friend, am still a virgin. Meaning that you haven't been raping me just making me sandwiches. Also I would tell them that you took me to see my parents and that you have a Cher poster in your closet," I snapped. Snape gaped at me.

"I don't have a poster," Snape said frowning.

"Well you will when I tell them the story," I said satisfied.

"Go pack your bag," Snape said with a mean smile. He was really sending me away. I tried to say something witty that would give me the upper hand but couldn't find anything. He was still very much in control.

"I'll be in my room," I said turning away.

"No, I want you to make this go away," Snape said angrily waving at the grass and flowers.

"I don't have a wand," I said in a clear voice. "And for what its worth, I didn't know this was your study. I would have stayed out if I knew you had a chia-meadow," I said giggling. Honestly if I had a muggle kidnapping me all these things would be so much funnier.

"Chia-meadow?" Snape asked frowning.

"Never mind," I said shaking my head. Snape sniffed.

"I guess I should have made the plaque more shinier," Snape said sarcastically.

"Well I could polish it for you," I said seriously.

"Get out of my sight," Snape snarled.

"Yes sir," I said and skipped away. I was just going to stay out of any room with a closed door. Well I mean if the bathroom door is shut I'll knock before entering. I really don't know why I didn't see the sign basically saying, STAY OUT Snape WILL KILL YOU!

Had I seen that I wouldn't have entered. Well I would have but I would have been more careful. It was like a bull in a china shop. I really think Snape has gone soft. I mean had I been in Hogwarts and he saw me coming out of his study I think he might have killed me.

I cant believe he wants to save me. I have been on my most annoying behavior. I am basing it on my cousin Katie. The most annoying person you could ever meet. Does not know when to shut the hell up. She even talks in her sleep. I tried to put a silencing spell on her before my non-magic thing kicked in. I didn't go through with it. I mean what if I got EXPELLED?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I was sitting on my bed thinking that this bed was much more comfy than my cot. I could jump on this and not be afraid I was going to give myself severe spinal injury. It was quite the little bed. Well it wasn't small, it was huge. It could fit me, Harry, Snape, the entire Weasley family and Voldemort in here nicely.

Can you imagine what would happen if I invited Voldemort over to a sleepover? Haha.

My invitation could look something like this:

**Miss Hermione Granger **

**Requests your appearance at her sleepover**

**May 15, 1997**

**8:00 pm**

**Please leave wands and Death Eaters at the door. **

**Food will be served at 8:30**

**Will include: gossiping, facials, manni and peddi's, pillow fights. **

**p.s. Harry Potter will overcome the Dark Lord!**

I was giggling wildly as I thought what Voldemort's reaction would be if he opened his mail and saw this sitting there.

I didn't even realize that Lola entered the room until she made a disgruntled noise. I looked up at her and tried to calm myself down.

"Hello Lola," I said kindly. She rolled her eyes.

"Dinner is served and Master requests your presence," Lola said boredly.

"Alright," I said hopping up and attempting to walk out.

"You need to dress properly," Lola said like I was daft.

"Oh," I said looking down at my dress. "Like in-?"

"This," Lola said taking a short black dress out of the closet.

"I cant wear that!" I said looking at it.

"You will do as Master orders," Lola snarled.

I glared at her and waited for her to leave.

"I can put the dress on myself thanks," I said coldly then instantly regretted it. "But if you want you can help."

Lola rolled her eyes and pulled my other dress off. It didn't matter my door was wide open. It wasn't like I had much more the show. She thrust the dress over my head then grabbed a brush and tamed my hair. With a snap of fingers, my make-up was done.

"There. Master is going to be please with Lola," Lola said with a small smile.

"Thank you," I whispered. I have never looked so pretty.

Lola gave a disgruntled noise and ran from the room. Weird fucking elf.

I walked out of the room slowly. I didn't know what to do. I was to eating dinners in whatever I had on. My parents were sometimes called out at all times. We ate at a rapid speed and considered it a worthwhile dinner if everyone's present. I have never had to be dressed up. The first time I wore a dress was two months ago. I think make-up is stupid. You put all this stuff on your face and then have to make sure not to rub your eyes even though as soon as that mascara is on your eye gets itchy. Plus with lippie all you do is get it all over your glass. It is so stupid. I like natural beauty. Hence the eighteen year old virgin.

As I made my way into the dining area I noticed Snape sitting waiting for me. He jumped up when he saw me and literally pulled a chair out for me to sit. He didn't knock it from under me either, which is what I thought he was going to do. That's why I sat down on my hand so if I did fall I didn't get a charley horse. You know when you ass is sore because you fell onto the cold ground when you were expecting a nice comfy chair. Just nod so I can stop explaining.

"Thank you," I managed to say when the initial shock wore off. Snape looked embarrassed like he did it as an act of habit. Like how if I get a report topic I write the entire essay in my head, then make three copies and hand in the best one.

"You're welcome," Snape mumbled and snapped his fingers. Lola and Sage walked in carrying a plates. I got a whiff of something amazing. Just found out it was a scented candle. Good thing I didn't start commenting on the cinnamon I was smelling. That would have been embarrassing.

"So I'm really sorry about the grass," I said taking a bite of salad.

"Uh-huh," Snape said like he didn't believe me.

"I really didn't know that grass would sprout all over the place," I said honestly. Jeesh what did I have to off my first born child as payment?

"Really it's fine. I got all of it to go away," Snape snapped and took a sip of wine to calm himself down.

"You shouldn't drink so much. Your liver is going to be shot to hell," I said taking a sip of my drink. "Ooh this is amazing what is it?"

"Wine," Snape said not looking over at me. I was almost positive he was smiling. Or smirking. Or whatever Snape does to show amusement.

I swallowed and managed to but on a bright smile despite the color in my cheeks.

"So I was thinking of organizing the library," I said watching as he ate.

"Go for it," Snape said dully.

"Also I was thinking of cleaning your kitchen," I said again watching as he didn't move.

"Good for you," Snape said not listening.

"I'm also going to go down on you," I said smiling.

"What?" Snape asked choking.

"Nothing," I said frowning in faux wordiness. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. I just thought you said something else," Snape said taking a sip of wine.

"Oh like what?" I asked making him squirm.

"Never mind," Snape answered still pink in the face.

"So when do you have to produce me again?" I asked eating my salad.

"I'm not sure," Snape said and I noticed his voice was more guarded.

"Well do you think anyone is going to stick their head up my skirt and see if I'm still pure?" I asked. He began to cough again.

"Why do you talk like that?" Snape asked angrily.

"Oh please. I'm not a prude," I said amused.

"Well I wouldn't think so. What with being friends with Weasley and Potter," Snape answered dryly.

"Those two?" I snorted. "I'd call it a day if they found their way into my bra."

Snape snorted and looked like he regretted it.

"You laughed. That world isn't going to end. Someone isn't going to knock on the door and kill you," I said watching as he nodded and relaxed. Just then someone knocked on the door. He glared at me. "That is so a coincidence." Snape made my plates disappear and told me to go to my room and wait for him. I did as I was told and slipped out of the dress. I put on the clothes I arrived in for good measure. They were dirty.

Minutes later I could tell there was a Death Eater here because of the way Snape's voice had changed dramatically. He sounded mean, cold, bitter and down right scary.

My door was pushed open and Snape walked in and pointed at his room. I looked as scared as I could and walked into the room.

"Wait for me," Snape called to me. He was a very good actor. They talked for a few minutes in my room before Snape snapped at me and I cautiously walked over. Once I got within arms length, Snape grabbed my hair and pulled my closer to him. "Please tell this fine Ministry worker how happy you are. Seems your friends have filed a complaint. If someone comes and says you're fine then no one important will mess up our plan." Snape was now moving his hand slightly south of the border. Once they reached my bottom I almost let out a gasp.

"I'm very happy here," I said my words shaking slightly.

"You are in good health?" the man asked looking amused.

"Yes," I answered trying not to think where Snape's fingers were going next.

"I'm sure you are taken good care of," the man asked with a knowing smirk at Snape. It made me want to shudder right then and there but I controlled myself as Snape's fingers were tracing the seam of my shorts. I just nodded. Somehow complete sentences were not going to be easy for me.

"Well then I will tell the Minister that I have spoken to you. That should put most of the questions on hold until further notice. Good night. I am very sorry to disturb you Severus," the man said.

"Quite alright," Snape said silkily. The man left and once again Snape waited for the door shut to let go of me. "Sorry for that." Snape said and walked out like nothing happened. My breath was still coming in deep, raspy gaps. Wow.

I stalked back into the dining room where Snape was sitting eating his dinner.

"What was that?" I snapped angrily.

"Well someone was obviously making trouble, three guesses who, and someone came to check on you," Snape said sipping his wine.

"No I get what that was. I meant the pawing," I said folding my arms.

"Made it seem more realistic. See when we get a slave from the war we like to show it off," Snape answered like he was talking about the weather.

"Show it off?" I asked in disgust. "We are not a new set of dress robes or some blow up doll you bought," I snapped angrily.

"Please sit and eat," Snape said dismissively waving at the food.

"I lost my appitite," I said angrily and slammed my way into my room.

I wasn't angry he did it, I was angry he stopped.

A/N Please read and review.


	17. Do As You See Fit

Snape didn't go to bed until two in the morning. He woke me up and appeared to be drunk again. He was snoring like a vacuum. Alright I get this whole double-agent thing must be a lot to deal with but I am going to get wrinkles under my eyes! He is going to have to live with the fact that I am going to look like a raccoon. Maybe tomorrow I should wake up early and bang all types of pots on the floor.

Oh my god he's up! What is he doing up? It's like six in the morning! He has had only 4 hours of sleep. I have only had four hours of sleep and I am not very happy. He gets up like it's no big deal. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!

You know maybe I'll wait until he gets out of the bathroom. I don't need him yelling at me…

"Snape!" I yelled as he made his way into the kitchen. He ignored me and kept walking like I wasn't behind him. "Severus Snape you turn around when I'm talking to you!" I tried again but he walked to his study and slammed the door in my face. I heard the door lock and an incantation muttered. He locked me out of the room and put a Silencing Charm on the door so he cant hear me! Well I never!

In retaliation I stole the shoe laces from his boots. Try going anywhere with out shoelaces. Well I mean unless you want to wear sandals which I am positive Snape would rather get up in front of the Order and dance a jig from the Nutcracker than wear sandals. Maybe I'll hide all his shoes except a pair of sandals. I am so sad.

He doesn't even own sandals! What if he wanted to take a walk on the beach? Stupid question.

I am so bored! Snape gets drunk after I go to bed and then locks himself in his rooms and wont talk to me. Lola attempted to knock rat poison into my tea this morning and Sage gets all nervous and jittery. He already dropped the tea all over my feet. Mind you they warmed right up after the initial shock and second degree burn.

I was walking back from the kitchen around ten this morning and Snape came out of his study. He saw me and tried to turn around and go back in there!

"Snape!" I said really loud and grabbed his arm. He attempted to shake me off so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I sat down so he would have to drag me. Finally he just looked back at me.

"Yes?" he asked like he caught me after hours in school.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Get off of me," Snape snarled at my annoyance.

"Oh right I remembered what I have to say," I said nodding again.

"Well," Snape said after I didn't say anything.

"If you insist on loading yourself up with booze I am asking, kindly mind you, that you sleep it off somewhere else. Ok snoring is one thing I can take snoring. Like I explained yesterday, there is a difference between sober snoring and booze snoring. Booze snoring is like a suck zone. Sober snoring is light and non-suck zone," I explained still holding onto his arm. He stared at me for a moment.

"Lola bring me my tea!" Snape bellowed before trying to walk away again.

I kicked the back of his knees and he dropped instantly.

"What was that?" Snape snarled as his knees hit the cold marble floor. I was shocked that actually worked. Ron said it only worked on me because I am such a push over.

"You listen here! I am tired. I have not had more than a few hours sleep in two days because in your self pity you drink a keg! Please I am begging you! Just put a silencing charm over the door or something! I am going crazy!" I said in a high-pitched voice.

"Oh so you don't like when someone drives you insane?" Snape asked in a calm voice.

I gaped. Was this payback? Was this cruel and unusual payback? Well it was working.

"No, I don't," I said after a moment.

"Then I will consider a charm," Snape answered standing up. "Let go of me."

"Sorry," I said releasing his hand.

"Go wash up and meet me in the dining room for breakfast and from now on I do not want to see you until you are dressed in something that isn't made out of cotton," Snape said walking towards his room.

Ok I look nice in my jammies. Maybe if they were made out of silk and showed off some of my other good features he wouldn't mind as much. Not that I would ever wear that. Ever. Dammit!

I got dressed and walked into the dining room. Snape was sitting there already waiting for me.

"Fourteen," Snape said when I walked in.

"Fifteen," I answered with a smirk.

"You took fourteen minutes to get dressed," Snape said coldly.

"Oh yeah that was because I was trying to get my hair into-" I began but stopped as he got angrier. "So I'll make it like five minutes next time," I said watching as he nodded and got up. We stood there staring at each other for a moment.

"Are you going to sit down?" Snape finally snapped.

"Oh yeah," I said and made to pull out my chair but he got there first. He pulled it out for me and then pushed it in. sure he did it so hard my chest banged into the table 'by mistake'.

"I am having guests over today," Snape said placing his napkin on his lap.

"Yeah and? What you want me to give you a blow job while you smoke cigars?" I asked. He began to choke on his eggs and I smiled to myself. He finally calmed himself down and stared at me.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"Eighteen," I answered looking into his eyes.

"Well don't you need to find a husband soon? Your biological clock is ticking. By wizard standards at least," Snape said thoughtfully.

"What? I'm eighteen! My biological clock started ticking like four years ago," I said shaking my head. Gosh you don't have a husband by the time you're twelve you're branded a weirdo.

Snape chewed thoughtfully for a moment. Then he didn't say anything else. I stared at him annoyed.

"Is that it?" I asked chewing a piece of bacon.

"Yes, did you not conclude that from my lack of verbalization?" Snape asked with a sarcastic smirk.

"Sometimes you just take years to finish a sentence," I snarled.

"As opposed to talking until someone has to physically shut you up?" Snape asked. "But that is how all Know-It-All's are right?"

"I'd rather know a lot than be an arrogant asshole," I said pointedly.

Snape however looked pleased. "I don't think I have been called a asshole in years," he said and then frowned.

"Should I leave you to your moment?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Snape's amusement evaporated. "I would stay out of sight and mind today unless you want a dozen drunk Death Eaters pawing at you," Snape said continuing to eat.

"Just tell them to not touch me," I said angrily.

"See we usually don't mind if someone touches our, ah, conquests," Snape answered trying for the right words. I snarled angrily.

"Well if I'm like a belonging then tell them to keep their greedy hands off of me. I don't want to get some sort of fungus because of god knows what you do and where," I said grumpily.

"Just stay out of our way," Snape said again. I sighed. "And dress up. I would never dress my lady in something that distasteful," Snape said eyeing my dress. I liked it.

"Your lady will dress in something more you," I said with scorn. "I think I saw some black robes in the closet."

"Dress in something that doesn't look like I had to pay a galleon for your services," Snape said finishing his coffee. I stared at him.

"Did you just tell me I look like a hooker?" I asked in amazement. No one had ever called me a hooker.

"Yes," Snape said bluntly. I paused. "Why must I repeat myself? Get yourself dressed and Merlin forbid I need you to go into the room go along with whatever happens."

"Do you want me to wear a bra?" I asked. He nearly dropped his plate. "Or underwear? It would give you easier access," I said and watched as he tripped over the chair and stubbed his toes.

"Do as you see fit," Snape finally answered.

A/N Please read and review


	18. Almost There

So I am officially banished to my room. Snape ordered me out of the way while Sage and Lola tidied up. I didn't know he meant literally out of the way. I was minding my own business, and sliding around the hallway in my socks, when I slipped and knocked into a thing of armor and knocked over something filled with dust.

Snape came running out of some room I had never seen before looking panicked.

"What is the matter? Are you hurt? What happened?" Snape said panicky. He lifted me off the ground with one sharp tug and looked around.

"No sorry I was just fooling around and slipped. I knocked into the armor and some dust fell on me," I said pointing at the vase and armor lying by his feet.

Snape looked livid. "First of all that armor is a family heirloom and has been in my family for thousands of years. Second of all, that DUST is my uncle Saxon," Snape said.

"Ooh! Ew!" I screamed brushing it off of me. I started to spit. "I have a dead person ON me?" I screamed again feeling grossed out. Snape however looked satisfied like he had accomplished something he wanted to do for a while. He was smirking. "This is not funny!"

"No, being covered in a dead person's ashes might not be fun, but watching someone else jump around covered in your least favorite uncle is slightly more funny than had it been you," Snape said in his silky voice. I glared at him.

"Well I am here for your amusement," I snapped.

"That you are," Snape said suggestively with a raised eyebrow. Right I am supposed to be his sex slave. I may have been too if I wasn't a former student who he is trying to save. I just blushed and looked down.

"Yeah well…" I said angrily not finding anything else to say. Stupid bastard bested me again today.

"Go to your room and find some way to amuse yourself until I tell you it is ok to come out," Snape said giving me a small shove in the direction of my room. I rolled my eyes.

"So if I do get asked, how are you?" I asked not turning around. "Like earth shattering or just something to hold me over? How big is it? Like four inches?"

"Go to your room!" Snape bellowed.

"I'm right aren't I? Can I at least have a peek?" I asked pausing at my door. "Snape?" I called. I heard an angry, disgruntled sound and then a door slam. Haha.

I washed up, of course. I am not going around the house with Snape's uncle Saxon in my hair. Talk about the ick factor. It's like wearing someone else's dirty socks. Ew. I don't even want to think about it!

After my shower I felt much cleaner. Although getting ashes out of my hair was quite the task. Seriously one time I lost Crookshanks and Ron told me to check my hair. I actually found balls of paper someone threw in there. Shame it was their notes but whatever. It was seriously like finding the needle in the hay stack. I had to keep lifting pounds of hair looking for the dust.

I was looking for something more 'tasteful' which I think makes me look more like a whore than usual. For the first time it's like trying to make cleavage. The day I have proper cleavage is the day Neville Longbottom becomes Potions Master. Also when there are snowballs in hell.

I know the usual expression is when pigs fly, but I have actually seen a pig fly so the entire thing is lost on me. Like someone can say, "I'll make you a cake when pigs fly!" and then I can make a pig fly and they have to make me a cake. I could actually use that to my advantage.

Snape walked into his bedroom. And I'm naked. I am naked and Snape is in plain view of me. If he looked over he would see my naked body. Which isn't bad. I mean I'm not that skin and bones skinny but I'm not like flabby or something.

I let out a shriek and scrambled to cover myself. I know I shouldn't have screamed but it was instinct. Like you walk around the corner and someone jumps out at you and you scream and slam your Ancient Runes book into their stomach.

Snape turned to me and then away quickly.

"I am so sorry," Snape said scrambling for the door. He tripped over his own feet and crashed into the door. I just wrapped myself tighter in the blanket and sighed.

"No its ok. I'm covered," I said making sure he couldn't see anything. Snape still didn't take his hand off his eyes. "I'm decent."

"No it's ok I can just-" Snape tried to speak again but fell on the floor. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him. His room seemed to open up for me to walk in. The rug was really cushy. Like a mattress for your feet. Of course if you want to run away I guess it wouldn't be the best, hence the tripping and falling over ones feet.

"Snape," I said in a soothing voice. "You are making me feel very bad about myself," I said jokingly. I wrenched his hand away from his eyes and smiled at him. "What is the matter with you?"

Snape just stood and turned me around. I was led all the way back into my room where he promptly turned and left. He was almost back in his room when I got a burst of inspiration. "Snape?" I called in my most seductive voice. He turned back to me and I dropped the blanket.

His eyes bugged out of head as I began to walk forward towards him. My heart was beating and my pulse was going too fast. All the blood was rushing to my ears as the heat radiated off of my body. Embarrassment, excitement, and amazement coursed through my mind as I reached him. I grabbed the back of his neck and pushed him into a firm yet gentle kiss.

He reacted as I hoped and pushed me closer to him. We broke apart only to have our lips come crashing back together. The heat radiating off of us was incredible as I pushed him down on the bed. I straddled him and began to unbutton his shirt. There were like thirty buttons all over this thing. Why does someone need to be strapped into their shirt?

I gave a groan of annoyance as I got to the seventeenth button. Snape finally just pulled the shirt apart much to my enjoyment. I kissed him again and ran my hands over his chest which was pretty well toned for our sallow potions master. I kissed down to his neck when there was a KNOCK ON THE DOOR!

I instantly removed my hand that had been tracing the hardness in his pants and looked over at the large wooden door in horror.

"Master's guests have begun arriving," Lola said through the door. She sounded scared at knocking. Snape let out an angry snarl and regretfully pushed me off of him.

"Go get dressed," Snape said repairing his shirt. He left without a second glance back. I sighed and walked back into my room. When I got there I quickly dressed into the dress I had been eyeing before. Then I sat on my bed just staring out the large bay window.

I almost lost my virginity to Snape. Snape. Snape the Potions Master at Hogwarts. Or, ex-Potions Master at what used to be Hogwarts. He killed Dumbledore and I almost had sex with him. My parents are worried sick about me, my friends are frantic and I am off gallivanting with Snape. I am a horrible person. I let down Dumbledore and Harry and Ron. I let down everyone I care about. For who? Snape?

The person who is trying to save you from being murdered, a small voice whispered in the back of my head.

Yes but he also was the one who helped kidnap me, I snapped at the voice trying to make it go away.

Maybe he wanted to kidnap you so he knew that you were safe and not being raped, the tiny voice said.

I thought about that. Snape was an amazing actor. He fooled Dumbledore. Or was he fooling Voldemort, fooling Dumbledore, fooling Voldemort? Was he a triple agent? Who was he working for? This is so stupid! Two months ago if you asked me what I would do with twenty minutes alone with a defenseless Snape I would have answered, Hex his balls to Alaska.

Not, Flirt outrageously and then give him not one but TWO strip teases before disrobing and almost having sex with him.

A thought still nagged at the back of my head. Snape had made a vow to help Malfoy, who I still really want to kill, kill Dumbledore. What if Dumbledore was already dying and he begged to be killed?

No! Albus Dumbledore does not beg! I screamed at myself. I felt guilt seep into my mind.

There was now no denying it, I was falling in lust with Snape.

The sexual tension was constantly there. The fact that I was nude and managed to straddle him must mean he feels the same way. Because you know I FELT it. Like you know. Yeah you get it.

I really want to take my time turner, go back in time and kill Tom Riddle as a baby. But someone took it away from me. Well alright someone stole it right from my neck and smashed it. Guess who, yup, Malfoy. In retaliation I made his hair neon pink for a week. Hehe.

What am I supposed to do? I really think I might be falling in love with Snape. I just feel so horribly guilty because look what he did! (See above) He is most definitely evil. But then again he is trying to save me from Voldemort. I mean he could have tied me to the bedposts and raped me like millions of times, but he didn't. Of course I do seem to touch on a nerve no ones else has in a while. I just keep thinking that I had never seen him smile until I made him. I also don't remember him being so open, I am apparently the only person who knows that he can put his foot over his head. He is the only person I ever told about my sister.

Does that count for anything? Screw logic, if I am going to die soon then I am sure as hell not dying a virgin. I will try and have sex with Snape again.

**The Next Morning**

Snape didn't come to his room last night. Either that or he really did put up a Silencing Charm on the door meaning that he was in fact getting drunk again last night. His body must get very angry at him. You know if you go meals without eating and finally your stomach starts yelling at you so loud that other people can hear it? His liver must be squirting acid into his stomach in retaliation.

I cautiously walked out of the room and went into the dining room. He was sitting there eating silently. He looked very vulnerable when he didn't have people watching him. I noticed that his face wasn't always in a scowl, more like really thoughtful. His ankles were crossed over each other as he was leaning slightly forward into the table. If you didn't know him you would think he would be a great chat.

But I did know him and I knew that he would not like it if I interrupted him. So I went back into my room for ten minutes. Then I walked back out and saw that he was still sitting in his chair this time staring out of the window. His plate was gone and his chin was resting on his hands, which were clenched into fists on top of each other. I walked in slowly.

"Why?" I asked him. He didn't look over and for a second I wasn't sure he heard me.

"I had too," Snape answered still looking out the window.

"The vow?" I tried again.

"That and the fact Dumbledore was already dying. He needed Harry to go on," Snape said his frown becoming more pronounced. Then the unbelievable happened. Now I am talking about Ripley's Believe It Or Not hall of fame.

Snape let out a strangled sob. I didn't know what to do at first but finally I figured it out and wrapped him into a deep hug which I was guessing was for the first time in years.

"He trusted me," Snape sobbed into my hair. I was too shocked to speak. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Like, "Yeah, way to go you bastard!" or "It's ok."

I just didn't say anything and smoothed down his hair which wasn't greasy. It looked like it was really smooth. In fact it didn't even look greasy anymore. It was sexy. I couldn't help feeling it and holding it up into the light.

"What are you doing?" Snape snapped.

I jumped and just shhed him.

A/N Please read and review.


	19. Happy Pills

Let me just explain that I am not the best person when dealing with upset people. I don't like it when people cry or get emotional, although I tend to more than anyone I know. I don't like when other people are. Especially Snape. It means something is really wrong or he's drunk again. Which couldn't have been the latter because it was six in the morning.

He sobbed into my hair for a few more moments. I really did not know what to do. Sometimes when I cry into Ron's shoulder, he'll try and feel my bra through my shirt. It feels really good and it usually cheers me up. Alright so pretend Snape is wearing a bra…HAHA! Oh for the love of everything holy don't laugh.

Stifling giggles I whispered soothing stuff into his ear as I rubbed his back. I said something that must of snapped him out of his emotional frenzy. I think it was when I started explaining about sprinkles and butterflies that he sniffed one last time and looked up at me with WHAT-THE-FUCK-ARE-YOU-ON? Look. I blushed and just pushed his face back into my chest.

"I'm fine," Snape said clearly embarrassed. "You're worse than my mother."

"Excuse me. You got snot in my hair," I said looking for a tissue.

"Well I'm sorry!" Snape snarled. "Old Snivellus is at it again! Sniveling his way all over the place!"

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"Snivellus," Snape said like it was obvious. "I am just Snivellus to everyone."

"Ok I don't know what that word means," I said taking his hands in mine.

"Something Potter and Black came up with," Snape said with plenty of scorn.

"I still do not get it," I said shaking my head.

"You know snot," Snape said with another dirty glance at me.

"Well that's stupid," I said dropping his hands.

"What?" Snape asked staring at me weirdly.

"Get over it! I'm called mudblood everyday. I got over it," I said impatiently. I didn't really know where this spit of courage was coming from.

"No but this is something rude," Snape said. I looked at him incredulously.

"And mudblood is-?" I asked angrily.

"Something completely different," Snape said finally.

"Bite me," I said stalking into the kitchen.

"So you are just telling me to forget all the things that made my life hell?" Snape asked like I was crazy. Which I am pretty sure I am.

"Yes! Crap all that hostility bottled up is going to boil over. Or already has…" I said frowning. "I don't know."

"So I should just let it go?" Snape asked looking like he was considering this.

"Or hold on to it. Whatever," I said and looked for a plate. "Where are all your plates and cups and stuff?" I asked glancing around at the bare cupboards.

"Somewhere," Snape muttered distracted. "I should just let it go," Snape was now repeating this like it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

"Yes and then you should find me a plate," I said in a misty voice trying to burrow into his subconscious. Snape gave a small whoop and walked from the room. I just completely froze. Snape just whooped. I am not sure what this means. Surely this is a sign that the world is ending. Crap and I was planning on getting my hair trimmed when I got out of here.

Snape returned minutes later carrying a box and a journal.

"Packing?" I asked nodding at the box.

"No," Snape said handing me a journal and opening the box.

I flipped through the pages of the journal and recognized his tidy scrawl.

"Are you alright?" I asked slightly afraid.

"Me? I'm fine! Spiffing!" Snape said with enthusiasm.

"I think someone found a bottle of happy pills," I said glancing over at the door where Sage disappeared instantly. "Did anything taste funny when you ate it?"

"Nothing tastes funny! The world is always good!" Snape cried spreading his arms wide.

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered not sure what to do. I am pretty sure that either Sage or Lola slipped some sort of Happy Charm into Snape's food thinking they were helping.

"Did you know that I was such a dork in school?" Snape said laughing. He snorted wildly and looked at odd mementos of Hogwarts.

"Oh yeah?" I asked rolling my eyes. The worst that would happen is he would force me to make a pillow buddy. Or sing or something.

"I had no friends! Well I mean I had Malfoy. But he doesn't count," Snape said with another wild giggle.

"I think you need to lie down," I whispered.

"I think you need to turn that frown upside down!" Snape cried happily.

I shook my head once and then looked through the journal.

"Hey did you know that Voldemort wears footed jammies to bed?" Snape whispered like a gossiping girl.

"What?" I cried in disgust.

"Kidding," Snape sang.

"Funny," I lied. "I really think you need to sit. I don't think it's safe to stand."

"Do you know why I am saving you?" Snape asked with a giggle.

"You have a hero complex?" I muttered reading from the journal.

"No, because I couldn't stand for you to die. I had always admired you. Mind you, you are hands down the MOST annoying person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting, but something about you always stuck. Plus if I save you Harry might hear me out before killing me," Snape said his voice becoming groggier.

"Oh yeah well I will make sure Harry will hear what you have to say before he kills you," I said watching as Snape was looking at old pictures.

"This is my mother," Snape said thrusting a picture into my hands.

"She was very pretty," I said honestly.

"She was. Then she met my father, had me, and let her life get shot to hell. Became a weak, pitiful person," Snape said shaking his head. "My father killed her after I went to school. I think she was waiting until she knew I was safe."

I glanced over at him. He wasn't crying. Yet. He looked like I do before I feel unwanted tears spring into my eyes.

"All I wanted was to go to a place where I wasn't picked on. But no! Sirius Black and James Potter had to make sure my life was a living crap bucket!" Snape said his words completely slurred.

I turned to him. He looked miserable. "Well they're dead now," I said. I didn't know why I said it.

"Yeah, they're dead now," Snape muttered again. "Want to go plant some roses?"

"No," I said frowning at him incredulously.

"It'll be fun!" Snape said leaping from the room. I am so confused.

"Sage!" I hissed frantically. "Sage!"

Sage inched out from behind the door looking scared.

"Did you put something in his drink?" I asked in a stern voice.

"No Miss," Sage said but he was nodding.

"Is that a no?" I asked frowning.

"Yes Miss," Sage said but he was shaking his head furiously.

"Is that a yes?" I tried again.

"No Miss," Sage answered once again nodding and smiling. I rolled my eyes.

The kitchen door banged open and Snape walked in wearing a giant sun hat. It was straw with a green bow. Then on his hands there were work gloves and some tools in his hands. He was wearing khakis and a green button up shirt. His hear was brushed back and slipped under the hat. And on his feet where sandals. He did have sandals, obviously hidden in the DO-NOT-OPEN-UNLESS-I-GO-CRAZY box.

"Oh my God!" I cried when I saw him. It was the only way to react. I mean how would you feel if you saw Voldemort in a Sunday suit and tie? Same way if you saw Snape in khakis and sandals. "What are you wearing?" I cried.

"All that black wasn't working for me!" Snape said. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the garden. It was all fenced in with a giant stone wall which had dead vines crawling over it. The house itself was a dark stone color covered in ivy.

Snape led me down a broken stoned path to a piece of bare earth.

"What are you doing?" I asked kinda hoping he was just going to bury me alive. I was worried about what would happen if he snapped out of this.

"Planting seeds," Snape said smiling like a crazy person.

"Seeds?" I repeated and watched as he lay a mat down for out knees. I kneeled next to him and was promptly handed a pair of gloves, a cup full of seeds, and a shovel.

"Yes you plant them," Snape explained.

"I know what you do with seeds," I snarled. He just laughed.

"You seem really miserable," Snape said. I turned to him annoyed.

"Hello kettle? You're black," I muttered beginning my digging because I was still slightly afraid.

Twenty minutes later I hated all forms of nature. I have been bitten by some sort of bug several times, there is dirt so far up my nails I am going to needs a nail file to get it out. I am betting he doesn't have one. There is dirt in my hair and all in my gloves. I am sweaty, my shirt is sticking to my back, my hair is glued to my neck. And Snape's happy pills are slowly wearing off and he is now cursing fiercely.

He finally shook his head twice and looked at me.

"What are we doing?" Snape asked sounding angry.

"Well you wanted to garden," I snapped throwing down my shovel.

"What am I wearing?" Snape asked in disgust and looked at his clothes.

"Proper gardening attire," I said smirking.

"So, knowing I was charmed, you let me come out here and make a fool of myself?" Snape asked furiously.

"I think you would have done that in there too," I said pointing to the house. "No was not an option. You basically dragged me out here. Plus I was afraid I had never seen you act like that."

"Act like what?" Snape asked turning pink.

"Like a kid getting dropped off with a bag of gold in Honeydukes," I said watching as he closed his eyes. "How much do you remember?"

"I remember sitting on the table. And sitting with you. We talked and I-" Snape stopped. I just nodded and told him to continue. He looked mortified but continued. "And then it all goes fuzzy."

"Interesting," I muttered. "Well I'm going to go…" I started to get up when Snape stopped me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Snape asked furiously.

"Somewhere that isn't right here," I said angrily trying to walk again. "I smell."

"So what else did I say?" Snape asked hopping up looking embarrassed.

"Something about letting it all go. Then you came out with a box and a journal," I said watching as he sprinted into the house.

"OH NO!" Snape bellowed. I rolled my eyes.

As I entered the house Snape was quickly trying to put everything back in the box.

"What are you doing?" I asked annoyed.

"Just go away," Snape muttered.

"You really shouldn't bottle crap up. I bet if Voldemort had a therapist or someone to let his feelings pour into, he wouldn't be attempting world domination," I said seriously. "I actually have someone's card…" I muttered searching my pockets.

"Did you just suggest Lord Voldemort have a therapy session?" Snape asked in a voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes. Actually you all should. Death Eaters, I mean. Most of you have some sort of sick sense of a father figure in him. Whether it be the fact that for seven years of your impressionable life you were away at a school with hundreds of other students some not so nice. Or it could be the fact that you didn't have the best father who, in the little time you spent together, managed to fuck you up so much that you are desperately searching for someone to replace that image of what you think the perfect father should be," I said. Snape was staring at me like I was crazy, which I sure I am. "I had a group therapy session after my sister died and there was a kid who was latching on to the person who takes your tickets at the movies, moving pictures that tell a story, because the guy gave him some free popcorn. See this kid had just lost his father and he was desperate to try and get him back that he actually went searching for someone to replace him. Which is what I think all you Death Eaters did. That or you were trying to impress someone which is so stupid."

Snape stared at me like I was insane, for the longest time. He just stared at me with this expression I wear whenever Ron tries to speak with an entire steak in his mouth.

Then Snape turned and walked from the room. Just like that. I know I'm right.

A/N Please read and review.


	20. FINALLY!

Well after Snape walked away I just stood in the kitchen. I walked behind the door and saw Lola and Sage whispering furiously to each other.

"Sage did you slip MASTER a mickey?" I hissed. Sage twisted his ears around while Lola glared at me. "I'm not mad I just need to make sure he's not actually going crazy."

Sage looked back at Lola then gave me a slight nod. I closed me eyes trying to think.

"Ok, why?" I asked trying to understand why he thought he was helping.

"Master seems so tense. I thought if he just opened up and allowed himself to love something or SOMEONE, he might feel better. Also not be as bitter to Sage and Lola," Sage whispered. I couldn't help focusing on the someone bit. I mean was Sage talking about me? Because if Snape was going to walk away from me then this relationship is not going to work!

Wait what relationship? I am seriously going insane. Excuse me.

"Snape! Snape!" I bellowed walking through the house calling his name. "Snapie-poo!"

I walked into a room and saw Snape lying on the desk as if passed out.

"Snape?" I called much quieter now.

"Miss Granger is there something the matter with you, where you just don't get it?" Snape asked coldly.

"Get what?" I asked shifting my weight.

"The fact that there is no redeeming me. I killed Dumbledore. Harry Potter is going to kill me. No matter what you say will ever make it ok. I am going to die and you are most likely going to die. There is no hope for us so I think maybe you should just go," Snape said his head still on the table.

"Go where?" I asked feeling tears in my eyes.

Snape started laughing. "I'm sorry that was too easy," Snape said laughing.

"Ok thanks," I snapped and walked from the room. I really don't know with that man. He is up then he's down then he's really up and drugged and then he is trying to kill me. It's like living with a skitzo.

"Miss Granger!" Snape called still laughing. What is the matter with him? I stomped into my room and moodily sat on my bed. This is great! "Miss Granger."

I looked up at Snape and saw that he looked happier than I had ever seen him. Even happier than the time he thought he caught Sirius. "Its Hermione," I said quietly.

"Alright Hermione," Snape said and just the name passing through his lips made me shiver. My name had never sounded so sexy. I mean it shouldn't. I was named after my grandmother or something.

"Yes?" I asked angrily.

"Can you do me a favor?" Snape asked. I stopped feeling angry and looked up at him.

"Uh, sure I guess so. What?" I asked. Maybe he was going to ask me to walk into a D.E. meeting wearing noting but stilettos.

"Would you have my heir?" Snape asked.

"Very funny," I snapped.

"I'm serious," Snape said.

"No," I snapped.

"Why not I asked all polite," Snape said angrily.

"Why? Why! Because I am eighteen years old and you kidnapped me. There is so many reasons why my having your child would not be a good thing," I said looking at him like he was crazy. Which now I am sure he is.

"Name some," Snape said defiantly.

"How about we're not married. Or the fact that we have never dated, or the fact that you are older than my parents or the fact that you are EVIL!" I yelled.

"Besides that," Snape said dismissively.

"Did you eat more of your drugged food?" I asked peering at him.

"No. Wait my food was drugged?" Snape asked getting angry.

"So you want me to have your baby?" I said quickly.

Snape stared at me.

"Why?" I asked feeling sick.

"Well you're very smart and I guess pretty," Snape said.

"I'll take that as a compliment," I said dryly.

"We would have the smartest baby in the entire world," Snape said nodding again.

"Get out," I said pointing at the door. "You're too weird today."

"Thank you for before," Snape answered.

"Well I didn't want to say no," I said shrugging.

"No I mean about having almost sex with me," Snape said and left. I felt my cheeks flame up instantly and fell back into my bed. He just asked me to have his baby.

Was he serious?

"Miss Granger?" Snape asked poking his head back in. "I was kidding again."

He has the sense of humor of a mad gun man!

"Uh, very funny," I said angrily. Snape smirked and left.

Ok I am really confused. Not only is his sense of humor completely fucked, but he has a way of making me want him more and more.

**Dinner Time**

I was sitting in my room when Lola appeared at my door.

"Master wishes to speak to you," Lola said eyeing me with great distaste. I looked up surprised and slowly walked out of the room.

"Where is he?" I asked in a low voice. For some reason the house seemed to be sleeping and it would be very rude to wake it up.

"His study," Lola said also in a low voice.

"I'm not allowed in there," I hissed back thinking it must be a joke.

"You are now," Lola answered and walked away.

I slowly made my way over to the big wooden door that held Snape. I knocked once and was only given a curt, 'Hello,' to tell me to come in.

When I went in a I saw a fire crackling merrily and Snape sitting in front of it reading.

"Sit," Snape ordered coldly. I was wondering what the hell I could have done now as I made my way over to a squishy armchair. "Here," Snape said handing me a glass.

I sniffed it once. Snape noticed and scowled.

"Oh for the love of-Its scotch," Snape said angrily. I stared at him.

"I cant have scotch!" I said. Snape just looked over at me. "Or I can, whatever." I took of sip and was met by a strong biting in my throat. "This is nasty," I said grimacing.

"What would you prefer?" Snape asked dryly.

"Vodka. With three cherries," I said smiling.

"Vodka in cherries?" Snape asked sounding amused.

"Better than olives," I said feeling the heat on my cheeks.

"Better than olives?" Snape said. Was he just copying everything I said?

"Better," I said waiting.

"Better?" Snape asked.

"Yes," I answered annoyed.

"Yes?" Snape asked now smirking slightly.

"Stop it!" I cried angrily.

"Stop it?" Snape asked still reading but his smile evident.

"Yes! Stop it! You are annoying me on purpose!" I snapped angrily.

"I'm annoying you on purpose?" Snape asked again.

"What is that matter with you?" I cried out in anger.

"What do you think the matter with me is?" Snape asked now looking at me. I noticed he was wearing reading glasses.

"I have no idea. You have been friendly, crazy, sobbing, horny, and annoying in the span of twenty-four hours! It's like your time of month or something! I really don't know what the matter with you is. I think the pressure has finally gotten to you and you've cracked! Cracked! Like a piece of glass," I cried. Snape studied me for a moment and then went back to reading. He doesn't even give me a response.

"What did you mean before?" Snape asked ten minutes later. I was busy studying my nails.

"It's like you're on your menstrual cycle or something. You know your period-" I began.

"No!" Snape said quickly. He looked to be blushing. "I meant this morning."

"Oh the therapy thing," I said and watched as he gave me a slight nod. "What about it?"

"Do you really think Voldemort would have done better in therapy?" Snape asked and I couldn't be sure whether or not he was kidding.

"I guess. Why you want to go in on a group rate?" I asked. Snape scowled again and didn't answer me.

For a few more minutes we were silent. Me just sitting there with a glass of scotch and Snape with his book. I noticed that when he wasn't making you cry or trying to kill you, he was actually quite handsome. Without the potions making his hair greasy and his skin sallow, his skin was fair and smooth as was his hair. He held the book in one hand while the other elbow was propped up on the arm of the chair, fingers twirling a strand of hair carelessly. His brows were furrowed in concentration and his eyes narrowed with confusion or anger, as if he didn't like what someone had written. He also muttered the lines out loud just audible that I had to hold in my breath and focus on his mouth to actually here it.

Crap. I realized I was staring at Snape.

"How long has it been since you've had sex?" I asked. I watched as his eyes came up to look at me incredulously.

"Excuse me?" he asked his drawl lengthening the words in outrage.

"How long has it been since you have had sex with someone else besides your right hand?" I asked trying to keep calm. Snape still stared at me like he was going to slap me. "Male or female."

Once again Snape went back to reading. This time though he kept looking up at me. Finally he threw the book aside in anger and took his glasses off.

"You want to know how long it has been since I've had sex?" Snape asked not looking at me but at the ceiling as if asking for guidance.

I nodded and encouraged him to go one. "Yes."

"Twenty years," Snape said and then nodded. "Twenty years."

"Twenty years?" I asked my mouth hanging open. "Twenty years? You stopped having sex two years before I was even born? Why?"

"There are more important things than sex," Snape said coldly.

"Not many," I said shaking my head my voice still shocked and defiant.

"This coming from the virgin?" Snape asked in a sarcastic tone.

"I've never been penetrated. That does not mean I've never had oral sex," I said bluntly. Snape sputtered for a moment and then looked at me again.

"Do your parents know you talk like this?" Snape asked sounding embarrassed.

"Highly doubtful," I replied reaching behind me for a book.

Another ten minutes of silence settled into the library.

"Why did you want to know?" Snape asked curiously. I could feel him watching me.

"I'm going to jump you later," I replied vaguely. Snape looked at me like he wasn't sure whether or not I was lying.

"You're going to jump me?" Snape asked in a tone that thought other wise.

"Yes. You might want to choose your place carefully," I said. He shifted again and stayed staring at you. "Not to quote you but, what exactly do you find so interesting about my head?"

"Nothing much," Snape said and went back to reading.

I JUST TOLD HIM I WAS GOING TO JUMP HIM! DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE A HUGE PROBLEM? NOW I HAVE TO JUMP HIM BECAUSE HE THINKS I WANT IT, HE WANTS IT, AND I WANT IT.

BUT SEE HE DOESN'T KNOW I KNOW HE KNOWS I WANT IT. WHY AM I YELLING?

Ok so I can use this to my advantage!

Snape stood up and walked over to a book shelf away from me. I hesitated a second and then walked to the door and shut it. Snape didn't notice as he was furiously muttering to himself and searching through books.

"What are you looking for?" I asked in my sweet school girl voice.

"A book," Snape answered shortly.

"No shit Sherlock," I said harshly. He looked over at me amused. "I mean which one?" I asked trying to put some warmth back into my voice.

"This one," Snape replied and took one off the shelf and made to sit back down.

"Snape?" I asked trying to do this before my courage ran away.

"Yes?" Snape asked turning back.

"Thank you," I said and walked over to him in giant strides until I was face-to-face with him. "For saving me," I whispered and kissed him. This time it was softer and not so demanding. Snape seemed to understand that I wasn't as horny or brave as I was before and also kissed me more gentle.

We fell back into a couch in the far corner of the room and stayed kissing. I rolled over him so that I was straddling him again.

"Miss Granger-" Snape began but I shut him up with a kiss.

"My name is Hermione. And I don't want to hear that I don't have to do this and I can stop right now. Save it. If I didn't want this I wouldn't be about to take my shirt off," I said. Snape just stared at me for a moment and I kissed him again.

I broke away from him and took my shirt off. Snape just stared at me for a moment before bring his hands around behind me in an attempt to unhook my bra.

"What is the matter with this?" Snape asked angrily.

"It's like your robes only much smaller," I whispered wiggling around on his waist.

"Oh," Snape moaned and finally managed to tug the bra off of me. Once it was off he stared at me again and I felt myself blush under his stare.

Snape kissed me again and brought a remarkably warm hand over to my left breast. I gasped at the contact and tugged his shirt off. Snape seemed to enjoy the noises I was making because he had flipped me over and was now on top of me. He turned on his side and kissed my neck.

I sighed happily as his hands grazed over my right breast. He began to slowly knead them and finally at long last, bent down and took a nipple in his mouth. I let out a low moan and ran my fingers through his hair. He moved over to my left breast and gave it the same treatment.

Even though I had never really done this before, I still knew what to do. I had done some things with Ron just to pass the time. Neither had been as good as this because it didn't mean anything. This had meaning.

I shifted so that I was under him and moved my hips into his. Snape let out a loud groan and his hands moved to the buttons of my pants. Once again our eyes met and he wanted to make sure I really wanted this.

I tugged at his pants and pulled them down. As he kicked his legs to shove the pants off, I lifted my hips and managed to slip my pants off. Both pairs lay on the floor in a forgotten heap.

Now all that was left between us were Snape's boxers and my panties. Snape was still staring at me waiting for the first sign that I was suddenly disgusted.

"Does this answer your question?" I purred as my hand reached into his boxers and grabbed a hold of his length. He gave another loud groan. "I'm sorry?" I said as he muttered something I couldn't hear.

"Oh god," Snape said as I began to tug and pull at him.

I bent down and took him inside of my mouth. I listened to wear exactly Snape moaned and paid special attention to it. I flicked my tongue over his head again before I felt him roughly pull me up.

"Not yet," Snape said hoarsely and flipped me over again.

I allowed his hands to trail down my body. He slowly let them glide from my chest down past my belly-button to my inner thighs. My legs opened immediately, waiting for the contact my body was now demanding. Snape seemed to get the picture, and was now gently rolling my panties off. He was taking his time doing it. This was another try at making me beg for it.

"Please," I whimpered into his neck. Snape smirked and reached into my fold where my clit was standing erect demanding some attention. He obliged and slowly began to stroke it. I gasped at the contact and arched my back so that my hips were as close to him as he could get.

Snape spread my legs wider and slowly bent his head down to my center. I felt a brand new sensation that I didn't know what it was until I looked down and saw that Snape was eating me out.

I gasped with a new wave of pleasure and cried out in ecstasy.

After another minute I felt climax quickly approaching and felt my breath coming quicker and quicker. As I approached it, Snape plunged a long finger deep into me.

"Oh gods!" I cried out in pleasure. Snape began to take it out torturously slow, only to plunge it back in. I had my first orgasm seconds later. Waves of pleasure wracked through my body and I cried out his name over and over again.

When I finally came down off my high, I flipped Snape over so that I was straddling him. He gave me a small smile and I kissed him this time with much more excitement. I kissed down to his neck and his nipples which made him twitch as I blew air onto them.

After a minute, Snape flipped me over and positioned himself between my legs. Once again he looked at me for reassurance. I nodded once and bit onto his shoulder waiting for the pain to strike me. As he entered, I felt a dull pain that sharpened as he moved further in.

Snape had stopped and was waiting for me to tell him to move on. It only took a second before the pain went away and pleasure took over. I slowly began to move my hips savoring the waves of pleasure that was caused. Snape let out another loud groan and began to move faster and faster.

"Ooh gods!" Snape said into my neck. I moved faster and kissed his neck.

Soon after I felt close to my second orgasm.

"God Hermione," Snape moaned as he came. The sound of his name against my ear and the fact that his hips were grinding into me at an alarming rate, pushed me over the edge. I had my second orgasm that night.

We just lay next to each other not speaking, just enjoying the warmth that was radiating off of us.

"Thank you," Snape said just as I felt myself dozing off.

"You're welcome," I whispered.

"I love you," Snape said into my ear.

"I love you too," I said and then it went black as sleep took over me.

A/N Please read and review.


	21. Waking Up

I felt someone moving beside me and sunlight slapping at my eyelids. It must be really early because I was still sleepy. I really didn't remember much about last night. I remembered talking to Snape, kissing Snape…fucking Snape.

I sat up and turned to my left to see Snape still fast asleep. I really didn't know what to do. The fact that I was no longer a virgin came into my mind. I quickly shook it away. So what? Now I wasn't pure. Whatever. Really all that means is that I'm sexually active and if I don't be responsible I'm going to end up with VD or a baby. But this was Snape!

True it was the best orgasms I've ever had. That's not saying much. It's not like I've had tons. Maybe four. Including the two last night. Alright so I guess last night was the best I've ever had.

I also remember him whispering something to me…He said thank you and…that he loved me. He couldn't have said he loved me. That was probably the sleep talking. Snape would never openly admit to loving anyone. Not even himself. He didn't say that. It would be amazing if he did. But expected? No.

The fact that I fell in love with Snape really isn't my fault. If he didn't kidnap me, I probably would have lost it to Ron at the Burrow this summer. I mean ok so I do love Ron, but not like a boyfriend. I love him like a brother. I mean kissing him was like kissing a brother. We both knew it was weird but figured it was the closest we would get to sex if we didn't do it with each other.

Snape stirred next to me and flipped over so that he was staring at me. He narrowed his eyes and pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Morning," I said blushing slightly.

"Morning," Snape said still staring at me. We both sat there not sure what to do. I mean what do people in this situation do? It never, ever explains a situation like this in Cosmo. I have never opened an article and seen, 'What to do if you sleep with someone who used to be your potions master, but killed the headmaster and is now back on the dark side, after he kidnapped you and held you hostage,'

Wouldn't that make life too easy?

"So," I said scanning the room for my shirt. I noticed it at the other end of the room and realized that if I wanted it I was going to have to get up and get it. I noticed a blanket carelessly strewn over us and was immensely thankful for that.

"I'll have Lola bring you some tea," Snape said sitting up. He clapped his hands together once and Lola came in with a pop. She saw me and her eyes narrowed. I flushed again and avoided eye contact. Minutes later she came back carrying a tray. Snape took it from her and she left with another glance at me. She didn't look angry anymore. "So do you like-?" Snape began but I kissed him.

I don't know why I did it. It's like if you're already in big trouble why not go all out and just do anything you wanted to do anyways. I mean if I was caught after hours, and I already got a detention, why not kick Mrs. Norris? I did once. Stupid cat never came near me again although I did find a dead mouse sent to me in a letter. I just thought it was Rita Skeeter or something. I think Filch sent me the mouse not Mrs. Norris. She doesn't have opposable thumbs…

Anyways, my lips were now firmly onto Snape's and he laid back down and let me lean onto him again. I felt comforted. I was wondering what he was thinking. I mean what did he make of what happened last night?

"What are you thinking?" I asked softly.

"I think that I need honey for my tea," Snape answered trying to find the honey.

I felt like I was going to cry. My cousin told me that when you sleep with someone, your body reacts and sends out a hormone that makes you emotionally connected to them. Basically what it means is that if he doesn't call you the next day, you'll go insane and eat an entire tub of ice cream.

That was how I was feeling. If there was ice cream next to me I would eat it.

"I mean about last night," I said trying to calm myself down.

"Last night?" Snape asked like he had no clue what was going on.

"You know we had sex? You took my virginity," I said spelling it out for him. "I can go into more detail like that fact that your penis ripped through my-"

Snape cut me off with a hand over my mouth. He looked disgusted. "Alright I get it," Snape said sitting up. "What do you think should happen?" Snape asked peering at me.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

"I am thirty-eight years old," Snape said frowning.

"Really?" I asked looking at him. "Huh."

"Hermione will you just listen," Snape persisted.

"You called me Hermione," I said smiling at him. He seemed to have blushed but continued.

"I'm a Death Eater," Snape said like I was stupid.

"Really? I thought you really liked the robes and midnight rapes," I said trying not to giggle.

"What rapes?" Snape asked.

"Oh come on! Do not even tell me that you guys didn't like spank the new guy or stick a wooden paddle up his ass," I said watching as he looked disgusted.

"Where would you get that idea?" Snape asked frowning.

I snorted and covered my face with my hands as I laughed hysterically. When I looked up Snape was still staring at me like I was insane. He didn't even move or blink, just stared at me with a bemused expression on his face. Finally, my laughter turned into small giggles.

"You ok?" Snape asked me.

"Yeah," I answered hiccupping.

"Ok," Snape said and handed me a cup of tea. "And take this so you don't get pregnant."

He handed me a small vile and I stared at it. So I don't get pregnant! Holy shit! This is why I never had sex, because I was so afraid I was going to have a baby and go back and live with my parents or something. Snape would be so pissed off if I got pregnant.

"Right," I said and uncorked the top. I put it to my lips and paused. What if I was pregnant? What if there was already a baby inside of me and I just kill it?

"Now what's wrong?" Snape asked peering at me again.

"What if I'm pregnant?" I asked quietly.

"You're not. This is to stop the semen flow. Honestly you would not be killing anything," Snape said holding his hands up in honesty. I sighed and then downed the potion.

"I better not get pregnant anyways," I warned. Snape rolled his eyes and handed me a cookie. He handed me a cookie at like six in the morning. I cant eat and six in the morning. I'm lucky if I can eat at like noon.

"So what are your plans for today?" Snape asked.

"Well I was going to wake up and find different ways to annoy you so…I guess nothing," I said smiling at him. He raised his eyebrow at me but didn't say anything else. Wow I am naked next to Snape. I giggled. First quietly and then that loud non-breathing laugh that usually sparks other people to giggle. Snape merely stared at me again.

"What?" he finally asked as my face turned red.

"If someone had told me three years ago that I would wake up next to you, I would have laughed at them and been too embarrassed to go back into your class," I said giggling wildly. Snape merely sniffed.

"You should get dressed," Snape said and stood up. I looked at him and suddenly my libido switched on. I grabbed his arm and felt as he toppled into me. "What the-?" Snape began but I kissed him hungrily.

I think he got the picture because the next thing I knew, I was sliding under him.

A/N Please read and review. The whole D.E. thing was from an episode of Law and Order: SVU that I saw last night.


	22. Marriage From Hell

Ok two hours later and I'm still lying on the couch. For one thing I am still really sore. It's the kind of pain you get when you go to sit in a seat but someone pulls it away from you and your ass hit's the ground, and then the next morning there is this dull throbbing pain. That kind of pain.

Second thing is I am no longer a virgin. Unicorns will not come to me anymore. I feel sort of sad like a piece of me is missing. Which really, thinking about it, it's true. There is something missing. I'm not really sure where it went. Not that I would ever go looking for it. I mean, ew.

Snape stalked into the room looking angry. I was just wondering what I did now when he began to knock stuff off his desk in anger. I paused for a moment. Did he even know I was here?

"Miss Granger get dressed in your best clothes," Snape said in a deathly whisper. I blanched. Oh my god they were going to kill me and he's calling me Miss Granger again. "Go!"

I hopped up and wrapped myself tightly in the cloth. Then I hurried into my room and felt the surge of panic hit my chest. I really didn't know what was going on and that scared me the most. I mean if I could have a minute to think about how I'm going to get out of whatever I am in I could probably stay calm.

Snape stalked into his room. He saw me and stopped.

"Why aren't you dressed?" he snarled.

"Because I don't know what's going on," I said feeling nervous.

"The plan has failed. Unless we get married right now, we both die," Snape answered me running his hands through his hair.

"I'm not marrying you!" I cried.

"You will do as I say!" Snape roared.

I stopped. I was actually afraid. I didn't want to be married! I was eighteen. Girls my age were getting drunk and raped in college. Where was I? In some stupid mansion with some stupid man who tells me I am going to marry him. I feel very Victorian…

"I don't want to!" I finally said. Snape turned to me with cold, dark eyes. I felt a shiver run through my body because he looked ready to kill.

"You will do as I say," Snape said his voice shooting down to a deadly whisper.

"Where are all the other Death Eaters?" I asked feeling sick.

"Dead, or Azkaban. I am trying to save us both," Snape said finally. "Get dressed!"

I turned and pulled a white dress from the closet and shoved it on. It didn't really fit up in the chest area. I think I grew boobs. I actually hit puberty! Finally.

I turned back to Snape to see him in dress robes. He just nodded at me and pulled me out of the room. There was an incredibly old wizard standing in the center of the hall. He seemed to be dozing in midair.

Snape cleared his throat and the man turned to us. He smiled and ushered us into the center of the room.

"Do you have witnesses?" the old man asked in a withering voice. It sounded like leaves skipping across the road in fall.

"Yes," Snape said impatiently glancing at the door. "Sage! Lola!"

The house elves appeared at our side and the old man continued.

Twenty minutes later I was, apparently, married. This sucks! As soon as the old man left with a faint pop, I stomped from the room. I was so angry.

"Are you angry?" Snape asked as soon as he reached my door.

"Yes I'm angry!" I yelled so loud it hurt my throat.

"Why?" Snape asked like he was baffled.

"Why? Why? Why? WHY?" I asked completely loosing my calm. Snape just nodded. "You didn't even propose! I didn't get to do my hair or make-up and I wore this ugly dress and I didn't even want to and I'm only eighteen and I just don't wanna be married!" I started sobbing. Snape walked over to try and comfort me and I punched him in the stomach.

"Well I'm glad you're dealing," Snape said with gritted teeth.

"I'm guessing I don't even get a honeymoon?" I asked angrily. Snape shrugged.

"Do you want to go out for ice-cream?" Snape asked.

"Uh! Uh!" I screeched. "I don't want ice-cream you over-grown bat!"

Snape looked angry but he was going to have to get in line. Or wait his turn or whatever.

"I am not some stupid witch you can fuck and marry! I had plans and a future and you fucked with that! Now I have to be Hermione Snape for the rest of my life?"

"No, only until things settle down," Snape said shrugging. I slapped him again. "You know what. I am really sick of your interruptions. Why don't you just have one big go at me and kick and scratch and hit as much of me as you want," Snape said spreading his arms out.

I kicked him in the crotch and then punched him in the nose. I don't think he expected it because he kind of teetered in surprise.

"What the fuck!" Snape bellowed.  
"You told me to!" I cried. Snape bit onto his lip in order to stop curses.

"I didn't mean to! Can't you tell when I'm being sarcastic?" Snape asked angrily still holding his bleeding nose.

"No! You are always sarcastic!" I snapped.

"Idiot!" Snape snarled.

"Idiot? You will not speak to me that way! I am your wife!" I snarled back. Snape rolled his eyes and walked away from me. He went into his room and I followed him.

We screamed at each other for a couple of minutes and then I turned to go back into my room. It wouldn't let me. It literally pushed me out. I was surprised. Not as much as Snape who literally took a hold of me and attempted to shove me back into the room.

I tried to explain that it wasn't going to happen and he just shoved me further in. We shot back like a fricken sling shot and toppled into his bed.

"Ugh!" I screamed. This sucks so bad!

"Get off of me!" Snape bellowed. Although I had been moving around and now felt what I was pretty sure was arousal. I smirked and stayed where I was.

I moved my hips again and Snape let out a small sigh. He still tried to yell at me but all his words were lost in his mouth as I moved my hips again. Now it was really obvious that he was turned on. I flipped over so that I was face to face with him.

He had his eyes closed and didn't seem to notice I was smiling at him. It wasn't till I moved my hands in between his thighs that his eyes opened. I stroked him through his pants for a minute then hopped up.

"Well I'm going to go make a sandwich or something," I said casually.

"Wait!" Snape said his voice strangled. I turned back to him. "I'm sorry ok. I'm sorry I forced you into something you didn't want to do. As soon as I can I'll get it annulled and you can go straight back to plain old Hermione. I'm sorry."

I just raised my eyebrows. "Alright," I said and turned again. Snape looked angry again. What I really wanted for him to do was just knock me down and have his way with me.

I heard the bed squeak and arms around me. Snape had picked me up and thrown me onto the bed. I fell onto it and was about to fake protest when he kissed me. His hands were rubbing under my skirt and I was gasping. Snape reached in and took a great tug and I felt the panties rip right from my body. He then began to rub me. I was bucking my hips to meet his hands.

He smirked at me and stopped. I was still breathing erratically but I knew what he was trying to do. He now wanted me to beg for it. I really don't know who he thinks he is. I mean sure I am really turned on but I'm not going to beg for it.

Snape spread my legs and rubbed my inner thigh. I held my breath as I felt his skip where I wanted him most and he moved up to my stomach. I tried to push his hand down but he just tssked me and moved his hands further. He yanked the dress off of me and began to nibble all around the nipple but would not give me the satisfaction of suckling one. I groaned as he skipped over it again.

Without thinking I reached out and rubbed his hardening bulge. Snape tensed slightly and kept going. He kissed down my stomach and then went out of my reach and I had lifted my hips for him but he just trailed kisses over my calves. I was trying not to scream in frustration because I knew I was going to be the one to break.

Well I made one last attempt to beat him and flipped him over. He began to protest when I pinned his arms under my knees. He really couldn't move, neither could I, but I yanked his shirt off and kissed his chest. I looked over and saw my pantyhose lying on the ground. I reached over and picked them up. In one swift movement I managed to tie Snape's hands to the head board. He didn't seem to comprehend what happened because he just gaped for a moment.

I moved my hand over his legs that were still in pants. I slowly undid them and slid them off, he even lifted his hips for me to slide them off. I think he might just break if all goes to plan.

I now moved my hands up his thigh and then, skipping his erection, went back up to his chest. Finally after he gave another groan of annoyance I took him in hand. He hitched in his breath and scooched further towards me. I smiled and gently stroked him. It wasn't even stroking. More like letting a millimeter of skin touch him. I bent down and let it into my mouth for a second. Then I let it out and looked at him.

"Do you want me to?" I asked coyly. Snape nodded once and sighed as I reached down and stroked him again. "Say that magic word." I teased.

"Now," Snape barked. I smirked. That was all I needed. I straddled him and let him sink into me. I was really getting the hang of this. Well we are married now so I guess I'm not a complete slut or whatever.

I fell asleep next to him and I only barely registered the fact that he was still tied up. I really didn't want to un-tie him yet so I just left him there.

A/N Please read and review. The reason I am taking so long to update is because I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL TODAY! Give me a break!


	23. The Worst Surprise in the World

**Four Months Later**

May I just say that today is November 4, and I have not died yet? I am sitting out on Snape's porch, drinking a nice non-alcoholic drink with an umbrella. A bright pink sun hat is sitting on my head, and large white sun-glasses are covering my eyes from the burning sun. It should be getting cold soon, I suppose I mean it is November. Oh did I mention we're still married? Yeah apparently we cant get an annulment or a divorce until Snape was sure it was all over. What was all over, you ask?

Authorities were coming around rounding up Death Eaters, Snape was afraid that if they came here, saw me, they would arrest him before he could finish. Snape plans on bringing Dumbledore back from the dead. I don't think that is the best of ideas, but Snape said that Dumbledore isn't really dead, it was all a plan to get Harry to continue on his own. Whatever. So apparently, everyone I know thinks I've run off and married Snape. They all hate me now. My mother is all upset I didn't tell her, she isn't mad that I married Snape, she liked him.

"Hermione will you kindly get inside before you get skin-cancer," Snape called from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and heaved myself up. I heaved myself up out of the chair and walked into the house. I've done a lot of heaving, and pulling because I've gained weight. My cheeks look like but cheeks and my arms and legs are much fuller than they have ever been. Also, my breasts are huge! They're like mini bowling ball held together by the strongest bra known to mankind. Plus I've got some sort of virus and I keep vomiting all over the place, Snape says I must have eaten something bad.

"Yes my dear, sweet husband what can I do for you today? Would you like to sell me to pay off the debt on your house?" I asked sarcastically. Me and Snape semi-get along. Sometimes we fight to the point where if we stay near each other, we'll kill each other. I've already flung a pot at him. My aim, for once in my life, was perfect and hit him in the back of the head. He freaked out and called me all types of names that only made me throw other things at him.

"No, I want you to rest. You look all peakish and you were up this morning vomiting. Take a shower, get into fresh clothes, and take a nap. When you wake up I'll have those stupid cookies you like and a nice batch of tea waiting for you," Snape said not looking up from his book. I paused. That did sound tempting, but did I want to annoy him?

"Ok," I said happily and went into OUR bedroom. That's right, I still have to share a room with him. That stupid spell makes us sleep in the same bed. He snores and hogs the covers and once his hand slapped onto my face and nearly smothered me to death. It was really lucky I was already awake from when he had kicked me.

Once I reached the bedroom I undressed and made my way into the bathroom where there was two of everything. Two sinks, two showers head in the biggest shower ever, two baths, and two toilets and a urinal. I love it because if Snape is taking a crap long in the showers, I can use my own and that way we don't fight each other on slippery floors.

I showered quickly and walked out of the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I gaped, peaking out from my stomach was a tiny lump. Oh my god I have a tumor! I really am dying!

I must have been yelling really loud because Snape came running in. He looked at me for a moment before taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"What is the matter?" he finally asked looking for a towel.

"Look! I have a tumor," I moaned and made him put his hand on it. He frowned slightly and felt it more.

"That isn't a tumor! Really the lack of school has made you stupid," Snape said angrily. "Maybe lay off the sweets and that little tummy will go away."

"My tummy will go away? I am not fat you stupid bastard!" I yelled mortified. He just called me fat. I stomped past him into the room where I sat down at my vanity and fumed. Snape walked into the bathroom and sat at his desk writing something on a piece of paper, I took no notice and began to brush my hair out. I looked up at the wall, at the calendar and saw the date.

I should have had my period last week, and the week before that, and the week before that. I gulped slightly and slid my hands down to my stomach. This is not happening. I am not pregnant! I am eighteen years old and this is Snape. Snape! How am I going to tell anyone that I had Severus Snape's love child after he kidnapped me and forced me into a marriage? This baby is going to think we're idiots.

"Snape," I called quietly.

"Yes?" Snape asked not looking.

"I missed my last five periods," I said closing my eyes. Snape was silent and I didn't hear the scratching of a quill or a sarcastic remark which usually is shoved into our conversations.

"The last five?" Snape finally asked.

"Yeah," I said sadly.

"Well that doesn't mean anything," Snape said in a gruff voice.

"Snape, one or two doesn't mean anything. Five means something, and the bump and…oh gods! I have all the symptoms! I'm preg-"

"Don't say it!" Snape warned turning around. I glanced at him and saw he looked nervous and upset. "I can not have a baby ok?"

"You did ask me to have your heir," I recalled smirking as he looked upset and embarrassed.

"That was a joke…are you joking?" Snape asked suddenly narrowing his eyes. "I think you've already done this one. Nice try though, had me going for a bit."

"Snape, call a doctor or buy me a test. I am most likely pregnant, or barren…," I trailed off hoping it wasn't the last one. I would like to have other kids.

"Why are you so calm about this?" Snape asked sharply.

"Because…," I didn't know why. Well alright, it just felt right. "I don't know. This just doesn't seem upsetting. Well what are you going to do? I am not killing it, so I say you have two choices. Let me go now, and I'll move in with my parents or something, or I stay here, have the baby and give it a proper family. We are married after all. But I will not stay here and listen to all these false promises and hopes, only to have you throw them back into my face as soon as this baby arrives. So choose, you don't have to do it now…but I'm not going to stay here and get my heart stomped on," I said my chest rising and falling with emotion.

Snape stared at me for a moment before getting up and walking from the room. Amazing.

I went into bed and crawled into the white covers. My head lay against the giant pillow, my hands now on my stomach. What am I going to do? This is not how anything is supposed to go! I cant have a baby! Babies are for people who deserve them. Snape doesn't deserve it…yes he does…

Snape should have a baby. Maybe then, he wouldn't be so frigging bitter. This baby could be a blessing in disguise or a miracle in diapers.

I was just drifting off to sleep when Snape stomped back into the room.

"Fine," Snape said sitting on the bed. I opened my eyes and saw he looked strained. "Fine. I'll be there for this baby because it deserves a family. And I want to be here…I'm not going to say it," Snape warned as I smirked.

"You loooooooove me," I sang in a sleepy voice.

"No I don't," Snape protested his face instantly turning pink.

"Yes you do," I said sitting up in bed. "Its ok if you don't want to say it. I'm not one of those people who needs to hear it all the time. Although you have told me it before…when you thought I was unconscious. Still, same sentiment."

Snape glared at me for a moment. "So when is this baby going to make it's arrival?" Snape asked staring at my stomach like it was a rare potion.

"I don't know," I said shrugging. I flopped back into bed and began to fall back into my slumber, my eyes were heavy when I felt another weight onto the bed and Snape had slipped in.

Alright so we say we hate each other, and all we do is fight and scream, but I really think that's how we show love. Well I think that's how Snape shows love, I'm not sure I've never really asked him.

**The Next Morning**

I just vomited like seventeen times and fell back asleep against the toilet. Snape has to come in and drag me out onto the couch in the living room. Then he brought me soup and tea and a cookie. Also there was a small red rose sitting in a crystal vase on top of the tray.

"That's sweet," I commented pointing at it. He just stopped.

"Lola put the tray together," Snape said.

"No she didn't," I said smiling.

"Yes she did," Snape snapped.

"Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape has a heart!" I called instantly choking on a noodle.

"That's Gods way of telling you to stop singing," Snape said then left the room quickly. He returned a minute later with a bottle of water, which he poured into a cup and made me drink so I didn't die.

"Thank you," I muttered gulping down the cool water so that my brain could regain some oxygen. "I really should see a doctor."

"I've scheduled one to come and give you a check-up tomorrow. Then we can discuss where in the house you plan to have the baby," Snape said.

"Oh that's easy. No where," I said frowning at him. "I am not having the baby in the house."

"Yes you are," Snape said clearing away my food with a wave of his hands.

"No!" I snapped. "You don't make these types of decisions. When you are the one shoving the baby, which is the size of a watermelon, out of something the size of a lemon, I'll let you call some shots. Until then, we do it my way. Got it?" I asked waiting for him to agree and apologize.

"We'll see," Snape said vaguely. He walked out of the room and I heaved myself out of the sitting position and made my way into the bedroom.

'We'll see.' Smug bastard.

I walked past the mirror in the bedroom and saw my stomach poking out of my shirt. I stopped and placed my hands on it. Then I turned to the side and rubbed my hands over the bump. My skin was smooth and seemed to be stretched quite much to make room for this tiny little human who was growing inside of me. I wonder what we're having. If we have a girl, maybe Snape will let us try again and give himself a son also. Or, maybe if we have a boy, he'll still let me have another baby and then I'll get a girl.

This is the weirdest marriage ever. Husband and wife cant stand each other, they have a baby which was by a complete mistake, and lived semi-happier ever after?

What am I going to do? I probably don't have any friends I can call and just chat with after what happened. I really just want my mother to come into the room, sit on my bed, and tell me that everything will be ok. She would know what to do. She always did…

"I thought maybe you could go see your parents or something," Snape said his voice muffled. I smiled.

"I think that would be great," I called feeling happier.

A/N Sorry it took so long to update but I was really loaded with work and whatnot. I promise to never leave you without an update for longer than a week. Alright? I may even do one a day depending on the work load. But I promise you wont go months with nothing written. That annoys me, so pleas read and review.


	24. A Fight and Unexpected Surprises

I woke up this morning and BAM! It hit me…I'm pregnant. I must have been an idiot to miss the signs! I guess I figured that it must be I don't know a bad reaction to the environment. Then the whole period thing, I haven't missed them as much as I've just been spotting. Not really a period more like the end of one. I must have been stupid…no I am stupid and now I'm going to have a baby. My life sucks.

"Will you kindly come out of the bathroom? There is two of everything so you don't lock the doors!" Snape growled from behind the door. I just gave another sob and continued to sit on the toilet. What does he know? "Please?" Snape tried again. I could tell it hurt to say that word because it came after a moment of long strained silence.

"Go away! Haven't you done enough?" I screamed loudly. Snape didn't speak for a long time.

"Is this what I said about your breasts not being big enough to breast feed?" Snape asked.

I gave another loud sob. "No! When did you say that?" I called feeling fresh tears warm into my eyes.

"Uh…never mind. Just please let me in? I AM taking you to your parents today. It's the least you could do," Snape called in his stupid smooth drawl.

I grumbled and slid off the toilet seat to let him in. He studied me for a moment and then shoved past me. He checked his reflection and then turned back to me.

"Are you getting dressed?" Snape asked me eyeing my sweats.

"Nothing fits me," I snarled angrily. He paused for a moment and then walked from the room. I hate when he does this! I never know if he's done talking or not. Then I get yelled at for walking away from where he was standing even though he's been doing it already.

"Try this," Snape called and came back into the bathroom.

I glared at him and walking into the bedroom where he had a sundress all laid out for me. It was all white and flowey with thin straps and a small black sweater to go over it.

"Better?" Snape asked his voice muffled with toothpaste.

Despite myself, I felt myself get all choked up on his actions. I was going to cry again, I could feel it coming. Why does Snape have to be so nice…sometimes?

I walked back into the bathroom where Snape was washing his hands. His eyes caught mine in the mirror and gave me a small smile.

"Better?" he asked again. I just walked up to him and slipped my arms around him. I hugged him for a few seconds before I loosed my arms and walked out of the room.

He must have waited a few moments because then he poked his head out and stared at me.

"One question," Snape said slowly. I turned back to him. "How do you not know you're pregnant?"

I stopped and turned back to him biting my lip.

"Well I just…chose you ignore it," I said matching his slow tone. He paused for a moment before slamming back into the bathroom. I really don't see what his deal is. I wouldn't have killed it anyways.

Ah, he returns.

"So you were just going to bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing was the matter?" Snape asked angrily making wild movements. I glared at him.

"No I told you didn't I?" I snapped folding my arms over my expanding belly.

"Yes after you thought you had a tumor," Snape said smirking slightly. I swelled, more so, with indignation. Anyone would freak out if they thought they had a tumor. "So you knew you were pregnant but said nothing?"

"Well I thought maybe I was just…sick. The morning sickness stopped after a month or two and I just figured it went away. Maybe like the flu," I said hopefully it would work.

"The flu?" Snape asked in a condescending tone. I should have known I couldn't get away with anything. This is Snape. Stupid snarky potions master. With greasy hair and a big nose and an unimaginable amount of bitterness and sarcasm. Yes ladies and gents is the man I decide to get pregnant by. Go me.

"Yes the flu," I said lifting my chin slightly.

"You are an idiot," Snape said shaking his head. I gasped at him. What an evil Snape-like thing to say.

I did the only thing I could think of. I took the palm of my hand and slapped his forehead. Knocked some sense into him. He just stared at me for a moment.

"I'm so sorry," I said quickly as he stomped out of the room. I almost laughed at his face like no one had slapped him before or something. Which they really should because that seems to be the only way to snap some sense into him. Otherwise he is going to go his whole life thinking it's ok to call his enslaved wife, who is carrying his child, an idiot. It isn't. I've checked.

Well me and Snape kept to our separate sides of the house for the rest of the morning. Just as well, I had accidentally spilled something into some of his shoes and then just hid them and he should be finding them any day now. Plus, he still seems peeved about the entire slapping thing. What he did to me is so much worse. He insulted my intelligence and my integrity and he hurt my pudgy feelings!

I secretly think I'm having a girl because I saw a rose in the garden and it was so pretty I picked it. Of course it shriveled and died the next day, but still for the twelve hours it sat on my dresser I was so entranced by it. Well until I got bored and went and annoyed Snape.

He is starting to catch onto my pranks. Like I switched the salt with sugar and he didn't have any sugar in his tea. Even though he loves sweet tea…and biscotti's. Now I've got a craving for pastry. And French fries. Ooh! And a turkey.

Well walking down the silent and bright hallways I am thinking about what it would be like to have a baby. Snape would surely cheer up a bit and whatever. Maybe even become a nice guy or something like that, you know have one of those what-zits.

Of course if this baby does change him it will do the unimaginable and probably become just as famous as Harry and Dumbledore. It will be The Baby Who Changed Severus Snape. Alright so it doesn't have the whole, Saved The World From The Dark Lord, ring, but it comes pretty close. Hogwarts students will understand me, if there is a Hogwarts to go back to. I haven't heard seeing as I've been exiled by my mates. And of course the Order, although they don't know it was totally not my choice or whatever. I should go talk to Snape and see if he can secretly tell them that I didn't want to marry him and make sure they tell just Harry and Ron and Ginny. And maybe Mrs. Weasley.

I walked into the den to see him writing at his desk, he looked up when I entered.

"I'm not in the mood for another bitch slap, if you wait I should be done in a few minutes," Snape said sarcastically and went back to his work.

"You cant call me an idiot. What will our child think?" I asked in a light voice. Snape looked up at me again and gave me a dirty look. "You know it isn't nice. The least you can do is treat my nicely."

"It's the least I can do? I saved your life," Snape snapped.

"Then forced me into marriage," I snarled.

"I didn't force you," Snape said lightly looking up and squinting at me.

"You did too!" I yelled.

"No I didn't," Snape shook his head and then scribbled something onto a sheet of paper.

"You told me if I didn't marry you I would die!" I said shaking with rage. Was I tricked?

"Yes well you might have. It was totally your decision. I didn't tell you you had too," Snape said standing up and walking past me. He stopped and rubbed his hand over my stomach. I slapped it off and turned to him again.

"You told me I had too," I said my voice shaking with such a rage I have never known.

"Well you didn't," Snape answered looking me straight in the eyes.

"So you lied," I snapped.

"No I pushed you slightly towards something," Snape said after a moments thought.

I huffed all the way back to my room. What an asshole! I was tricked into marriage!

I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore. I mean it would totally make sense if he planted this baby himself…Oh my lordie the potion he made me take! It must have gotten me pregnant as well.

"You idiot!" I bellowed so loud the house elves ran from that wing. I ran back to the den, more like I waddled at an accelerated rate.

I slammed into his den to see him sit back in his seat.

"Now what?" Snape asked after a moment and I still didn't speak.

"You…The potion you gave me," I started unable to think straight.

"I am many things, I wont list them, but I would never stoop to such a level that I would plant a child in someone else's body as a joke. Well maybe James Potter, but no one else," Snape said firmly. I almost gave a small smile but was too tired to. I just want to sleep or take a walk.

"Can we go now?" I asked holding out my hand. Snape nodded and stood up, grabbed his coat, and walked from the room. I put down my hand and followed him, my bloated feet walking three steps for his every one.

We finally just reached my parents and knocked on the door.

"Maybe they aren't home," I hissed after a moment.

"Didn't you owl them?" Snape hissed back.

"Why are we whispering?" I hissed again. Snape just turned to me with an exasperated glance and knocked on the door again. It swung open and my mother stood there looking excited. She looked at my stomach and let out a screech of shock and stumbled back into the coat rack.

I flipped out and started calling for my father and trying to help my mother up while Snape just stood there not sure what to do. After a minute I turned back to him.

"Don't just stand there!" I snarled angrily. "Go get water."

Snape ran into the kitchen and didn't return. Instead I heard his voice calling for me.

"Hermione could you get in here…Like now!" Snape snapped. Although it sounded annoyed, after living with him for six strained months, I heard the panic. I inched into the room and nearly fainted.

"Harry, Ron," I said weakly.

A/N Please read and review.


	25. The Truth Is Revealed

"Harry…Ron," I repeated staring at my best friends as they stared at me like I was bonkers.

"Jesus you got fat," Ron said his eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into his hair. Harry turned to him with a furious glance and Ron shut his mouth.

"I did not get fat," I snapped angrily.

"Hermione what the hell is going on? One minute Snape is telling us that you're fine you still think you've been kidnapped and now you're pregnant?" Harry asked furiously. He closed his mouth as the room went silent, signifying that he said to much.

"What do you mean I THOUGHT I was still kidnapped?" I asked my voice shaking with suppressed rage that was only going to stay that way for a few more seconds.

Ron and Harry turned to each other looking doubtful.

"You tell her," Ron whispered and Harry shook his head violently.

"Tell me what?" I said my voice rising.

"Nothing," they both chorused at the same time.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked placing my hands on my hips. "Tell me before I kick your pansy asses!"

Ron and Harry looked at each other for a moment before turning their attention to Snape who, when I turned back to him catching him by surprise, was waving his hands violently.

"What the hell did you do now?" I asked furiously my entire body shaking.

"I didn't do anything," Snape said backing up slightly. I turned back to Ron and Harry who were watching me carefully as though I was going to explode and kill them. Which I may just have to do if they don't tell me what the hell is going on.

"Ok so we heard that someone might come and try to kill you. So we put your parents in a safe house and we transformed into them. Then we had Snape pretend that he killed Dumbledore, who is still alive somewhere, and go back a spy. Malfoy saw him kill Dumbledore so everyone thinks he is still bad. Then the whole thing with your kidnapping, well if Voldemort knew you were kidnapped then he wouldn't have to hunt for your parents anymore and then he would leave them alone. So your kidnap was all a set-up and Snape didn't do anything bad. Oh and you got married because the Ministry was rounding up muggle-born wizards and witches and making them marry a pure blood so we thought we would just stick you with Snape until the whole thing passes over. We didn't expect to get you pregnant," Harry said quickly. I stood stock still and then turned to Snape.

"I am going to kill you. I am going to kill you all," I said calmly like I was explaining a homework assignment. The three men stared at me for a moment to see if I was kidding.

"Come one Mione, we did what was best for you," Ron said quickly as I pulled my wand out of my pocket. I sighed angrily.

"I would run or do whatever you think might save you. Oops, ok here I go," I warned. Snape stood still like he didn't think I was going to do it. I aimed a spell straight at his head. He ducked quickly and the basket behind him blew up.

"Hermione calm down!" Harry said urgently as I aimed a spell for his head. He ducked quickly and the wall behind him caved in, leaving a large gaping hole.

"Bloody hell woman calm down!" Snape roared as another spell just missed hitting him.

"You pretended to kidnap me and had me fearing for my life for six months! What did you think I was going to do? Let it slip to Voldemort? I didn't need that and now look where I am because of you three assholes!" I bellowed aiming a spell at Ron. It just skimmed his head and the chest behind him burst into a million pieces. My father ran in to see what all the mess was about.

"Alright why don't we just calm down!" Snape said in what was supposed to be a soothing voice but my anger seemed to be scaring them. I aimed another spell and he ducked in time as it soared through the window and lighting a tree outside on fire. "Now really!"

I have another snarl of anger and lowered my wand. Someone came behind me and grabbed it out of my hands. I turned to see Harry trying to soothe me, he pinned my arms at my side and led me into a chair.

"I really did not think she was going to act like that," Ron whispered in a voice he thought I couldn't hear. I rolled my eyes and watched as they placed my wand in a safe box locked by Snape's magic.

"You really think I need my wand to do magic?" I asked smiling scarily. It seemed to work because Harry looked at Snape doubtfully. He shook his head.

"She didn't have her wand all summer," Snape said in a low voice. What do people think I'm deaf or something? I can hear them.

I snapped my fingers and an apple flew into my hand. I just raised me eyebrow and bit into it. I didn't mind that it had all paint clippings and dust on it.

"How did you do that?" Ron asked sounding in awe.

"I went all summer thinking I was going to die, so I began learning magic without a wand. Oh I also stole some books out of your library even after you told me you would kill me if I did. Then just to spite you, I spilled fruit punch on it. And cleaned it up with your socks. Then put them back in your drawer," I said as Snape got an ugly look on his face. "and you wore them the next day."

Ron stood still for a moment not knowing whether or not he should laugh.

"This is why I told you I needed her out," Snape snapped at Harry whilst jabbing a thumb in my direction. I rolled my eyes and continued eating. I snapped my fingers again and the chest went back into one piece. Everyone turned back to me.

"Are you calm?" Harry asked me inching towards me with his hands up innocently. I kicked him in the crotch with one sharp kick. Ron and Snape winced and took a step back from me.

"That is for ruining my summer!" I yelled as he clutched onto the table.

"You need to calm down!" Snape yelled. I leaped up, with as much grace and speed as a bump would allow, and advanced on him while he took another step back.

"I need to what?" I asked in a furious whisper.

"Calm down," Snape repeated obviously not fearing my wrath. I kneed him in the crotch.

"That is for holding my hostage for nothing," I kicked him again, "That is for making me clean your crap house," I hit him in the chest, "That is for forcing me into some shit of a marriage," I punched him in the face, "And that is for getting me pregnant and ruining the rest of my life."

I turned around and grabbed the safe box off the kitchen table and stomped out of the house. I passed my "parents" who were sitting in the den talking quietly. I stomped out of the house and into the cool air. I closed my eyes trying to think where I could go. I heard steps getting closer to me, so I ran down the steps and down the street.

I walked to the park and sat down in my bench as I watched the swans float by closely followed by their babies. I touched my stomach and felt the small bump. It was still hard to think that in four months, a baby is going to be here and I'll just be another fat housewife. I felt tears come into my eyes and quickly tried to shove them away.

"It'll all be alright dear," an old woman said as she sat down next to me. I glanced over at her and saw she must have been like a hundred years old.

"I don't think it will," I said sadly.

"Tell me what's the matter," the woman said again. I hesitated and she looked embarrassed. "You must forgive me! I speak before I think."

I smiled a little. "Well it's a long, complicated story."

"I got another hour before I need a refill on my oxygen," the woman said with a tiny smile. I laughed again and turned to her.

"I was kidnapped and held hostage by my old teacher who I thought went back over to the Dark Side, after he killed the Headmaster of my school. So I'm trapped in his house and he is really awful to me and he makes me clean and whatever. Then we start to fall in lust and I sleep with him. The next day he forces me to marry him and I find out I'm pregnant and I didn't even need to be kidnapped and I cant have this baby because this is Snape!" I said quickly sobbing with every word.

"My don't we have quite the predicament," the old woman tutted and handed me a tissue so I could blow my nose. She said sleeves are made for tears.

I smiled sheepishly and wiped my dripping nose carefully before turning to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away like that."

"Codswallop," the woman huffed. She turned to me with an all too familiar gleam in her eye.

"You know Tonks I really wanted to be alone," I said staring back at the lake.

"How did you know it was me?" Tonks said and with a small pop turned back into herself. I shrugged slightly and just sat hunched over my belly watching the ripples in the water.

"I think I am officially wiping my hands clean of this," I whispered sadly.

"Of what?" Tonks asked leaning forward.

"The whole witch thing. It was great but…with this baby, there isn't much I can do. I feel trapped and sometimes it's like I'm drowning and I cant come up for air. And as quickly as it comes, it's gone and I'm fine again. But this is so much worse. I was tricked by the two people who I ever truly cared about. They tricked me, and let's face it, fucked my life. And all for what? Some silly wizard who we should have just taken a nuke to years ago? I can't deal with this. I mean Snape and I don't even love each other. This is the one night stand from hell and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. It isn't fair to force a man like Snape to stick around with an ex-student and some baby. Let's face it, he'll kill the both of us. I think I'm just going to get on a train and ride it until it stops. Then that is where I'll have my new life. What do you think?" I asked turning back to her. She had a deep frown that was hard to keep with all the tears brimming in her eyes. "Don't you dare cry." I warned.

She sniffed once and then pulled me into a harsh hug. It was awkward and pointy, but it was that of a friend offering the only comfort she knew to give.

"Shouldn't you let Snape decide whether he really wants the baby or not?" Tonks asked in a small whisper. I turned to her with a snort.

"Does Snape want a baby? Does a Comet 360 out fly a Firebolt?" I asked with a smirk. There was a pause.

"Fuck no," we both said at the same time. I sighed in despair and let my back rest against the damp metal.

"So are you just going to leave and not tell anyone where you were going?" Tonks asked sadly.

I shrugged. "They'll find me. They always do. What does it matter?" I asked bitterly.

"It matters to everyone," Tonks said in a harsh voice I didn't recognize. I didn't let it faze me, I was already to far into the Bitter Barn Zone.

"Right the people who locked me away for the summer," I said furiously. "Who couldn't even tell me that it wasn't real? Who had me pray every night that maybe I would get through this? Those people? They can care about me all they want. I will never care back. I cant," I snapped back. She looked affronted and focused back onto the lake.

"So that's the attitude you're going to take?" Tonks asked angrily.

"Sorry that little game doesn't effect me," I said smiling at her. She shook her head amused but it quickly turned into another sad expression.

"You don't need to cry over me. I'll get through it. I always do. I know how to pick up the pieces," I said once again the bitterness seeping into my voice.

"Don't you even want to know what they have to say?" Tonks pleaded.

"Not really. See these were the people I trusted more than anything and they…just invaded it," I said shaking my head, the lump growing inside of my throat.

"It's not their fault!" Tonks said angrily.

I turned to her. "It isn't their fault that I was "kidnapped"? It isn't their fault that for six months I was sure I was going to die? It isn't their fault that I slept with Snape?" I hissed furiously than stopped. "Ok that wasn't their fault. I blame Snape for that. And then he married me and got me pregnant. Now if that happened to you, I am pretty sure you would not be sitting by some lake contemplating the meaning of life. Don't try that forgive and forget bullshit on me. It doesn't work. I'm just going to go. Maybe I'll come back maybe I wont. Who knows?" I said and stood up. "Bye Tonks."

I kissed her and turned around. Snape was standing in back of us, leading me to believe he heard the entire conversation.

"Yes?" I asked placing my hands on my hips.

A/N Please read and review.


	26. Taking Time To Think

I glared at Snape waiting for him to say something. I noticed that Tonks had checked out a few moments ago leaving the two alone for a moment.

"You know over the years I have thought of you as many things. Snobby, bossy, annoying, rude, inconsiderate, a know it all," Snape listed.

"Flattery will get you no where," I said sarcastically swallowing all my anger that was going to erupt in me any minute.

"But selfish was never one of them," Snape finished after a moment. I raised my eyebrows at him. Snape just called me selfish. Uh, hello kettle? Yeah you're black.

"I'm selfish?" I snarled angrily. My hands were clenched into fists tightly at my side. I noticed that Snape had a bandage over his nose from where I punched him. "How am I selfish?"

"I believe you are planning on taking my unborn child and leaving without even a goodbye," Snape said carefully with some stupid look he has. It's the one he uses when he knows he's right and you know he's right, but he's daring you to deny it or something.

"So?" I asked falling into his trap. I didn't care. This was my baby, my life he messed up. Why should I listen to a thing he has to say.

"What do you mean so?" Snape snapped. "I don't want you too."

"That is not your decision," I snarled.

"The hell it isn't," Snape roared angrily. He was so loud some poor old dear flipped out and glared at us. I rolled my eyes and inched closer to him slightly.

"Snape you forced me into a marriage after you falsely kidnapped me. Then you think you have any right to tell me where I can and can not go? You are so lucky I didn't blast your balls Iceland," I said gesturing with my wand. Snape shifted slightly so that his hands were in front of his crotch.

"That is my baby in there," Snape said pointing at my stomach.

"And it's mine and I have the right to do what I think is right for it," I said sadly. "It would never work with us. First of all you hate me. And second of all, I don't think I need to explain your hate of children."

"That is so not true," Snape said stomping his foot. "I don't hate children. Just the annoying ones."

I sighed, I was expecting him to say that he didn't hate me or something.

"I need time and…space to think about some things. I would like it if you left me alone for a while. When I get back we'll talk or something," I said and turned around and began to walk away. I didn't look back when he called my name. As soon as I got around a secluded corner, I Apparated to our summer home in France.

**Two Months Later**

Pregnancy, without help, is a bust. I mean my feet swell and I have back pains and no one to rub them. I get all weepy and I don't have anyone to talk to. I talk to the baby and tell her all about her grumpy father and how he must hate me as of now. I told her that when I get back, in true Snape forum, he will have forgotten all about me and insist I was delusional.

Plus my stomach is huge like this baby must be coming out some other way, because if she weighs fifteen pounds I am not pushing her out. I hate how that is such a tiny opening! You would think it would grow a little bit larger than what it is. I was thinking maybe it would open like two feet and allow the baby to gently slide out like a playground tube. So apparently you have to push the baby out. And it only opens ten centimeters. Can you believe that? It's a friggin tight fit.

I like to sit down on the porch and watch the sun set. That is when I begin to talk to the baby about her father. I tell her how we met, when I was eleven and he was thirty-one. I tell her how he is the grumpiest man alive and how I used to cry every time he yelled at me. Although now I find it amusing.

It was this certain night that I was sitting watching the sun set, that I decided to go back. I was sitting on my rocking chair looking out at the pink sky. The city down below came alive with the twinkle of lights from the lamps in houses. People turned on their street lamps, and the shadows grew three feet.

I held onto my stomach and I was talking about Snape and the baby moved. I gasped and gripped onto my stomach in excitement. And then it hit me, not only was Snape not here to experience this, the baby reacted to Snape's name.

"Snape," I tried again and there was a small movement from my belly. I clapped gleefully and thought about the baby. "I'll go back." I decided right then.

The next morning I got up early and packed my bags. Not really much to pack, just tiny things I've knitted for the baby and some letters and books and whatever. I pushed my hair back and looked over the house that has been my home for the past two months. It was clean, as I am Hermione, and quiet. It was secluded enough that if I wanted to I could skip around the backyard naked. But not so secluded that if I choked and died I wouldn't be found for months.

I sighed and shrunk my stuff to an appropriate size. Then, before I left this hideaway, I sat down and opened all sixty of Snape's letters. I hadn't read or opened any of them for fear he would make me regret my decision or something. I knew I needed space to think, and see how much I really loved him, if any. I found that although I wasn't head over heels, had to have him now, love. I could possibly fall deep in love. I believe that to achieve true love you need to work at it. It doesn't happen over night, and that love that does is so thin that it is constantly breaking into pieces.

So there I was reading letters explaining to me his life story. Things I am pretty sure I'm the first one to know. He tells me about why exactly he became a Death Eater, James Potter. Why he hates Harry, James Potter. Why he is always so damn bitter, his father, James Potter, his lack of emotions. I smiled at some parts and felt tears in others.

He asked me at the end of every letter, to speak to the baby and give her his love. I made sure I did every time I finished one. I swear she jumped just at the mention of him. I sighed and lifted myself up to get ready for my journey. Once everything was back into my pockets and closed my eyes. The familiar whooshing sound whipped around my body as I zoomed across the country sides. Finally I felt my feet hit a firm surface and opened them. I was standing in the living room of what was my house.

I took my bags out of my pocket. One time I forgot to, and then they somehow uncharmed in my pockets and my pants ripped and I was stuck in my knickers for about two hours. Really funny story to tell at Christmas time or whatever.

I peaked around the corner and didn't see anyone. Oh Merlin, he left. That's it. He just took off and left me and the baby. Well I did actually leave him and didn't answer his letters and refused to talk to him. That didn't mean I wasn't coming back or whatever.

There was a noise from the bedroom and I slowly ran to it. Snape was sitting up in bed smelling like scotch. I could smell it from the doorway. Horrible thing to smell first thing in the morning. Like waking up and being like, Hey is that a skunk in my bed? Amazing.

He looked at me and stared at me in disbelief. I watched him for a moment and then shrugged. He just patted the bed and I walked over to it and sat down next to him. He handed me a section of the paper and we both began to silently read. After a moment I noticed he stopped and was watching me intently.

"Yes?" I asked quietly afraid I was going to break the nice, non-fighting we were doing.

"You came back," Snape replied like I'm an idiot. I do know where I am and who with.

"I know I did. I told you I was coming back. You didn't believe me?" I asked innocently.

"Nope," Snape answered bluntly. I stopped reading.

"Why not? I just needed to think," I said coldly.

"Someone told me that when you set your mind to something, it's pretty hard to talk you out of it," Snape answered still watching me.

"Oh was it freckled or an orphan?" I asked unable to keep the anger out of my voice. You think two months forgetting what happened would help or something.

"No more like your mother," Snape replied easily avoiding the fight he could pick.

I paused then smiled.

"So I was thinking Elizabeth for the baby. Libby for short," I said glancing at him.

"I was thinking Zoe," Snape replied not looking up from the paper.

"Zoe?" I asked thinking about it. "I could live with Zoe."

"Or Noelle," Snape countered almost silently.

"Noelle?" I said once again thinking about it. "Noelle Snape…we'll see."

"Or Katherine," I said biting my lip.

"I like Katherine," Snape answered once again not looking up. His tone told me he heard my answer. "I also think you need to see a doctor."

"I know," I said rolling my eyes. "I'm not having the baby here."

"We'll see," Snape replied ruffling my hair. Yup, he ruffled my hair like I'm a child. Or something. I am no child, see I am carrying his child and whatever.

"I'm not," I snapped forcefully.

"Alright," Snape said again and I growled in frustration. He just smiled over at me and pulled me into a weird hug. I think this is about as much compassion as Snape can muster. Which is fine, it's all I need. Well besides a few essentials. I wont list them because it would take too long and I need to pee.

I got out of bed and noticed something bright shining from my old room. I glanced into it and slowly walked in. There was a baby's room. There was a giant white brass crib with some gauzy material making a canopy over it. Then there was the walls, which were painted white, had little rose buds painted onto them. It was a subtle but amazing change. The carpet had turned into a oak dark maple floors that matched the dark furniture. There was a fern green chair sitting in the corner where I could rest my feet and breast feed, it had a little rocky stool that my feet could rest on. The closet was filled with little outfits that Snape must have picked out. Also in the changing table there were piles of diapers.

I felt myself well up again. This time it was ok to cry because it was such a nice thing for him to do for me. I turned to him and smiled. He just nodded at me and went back to reading. He was excited, I could feel it even though he didn't express it as much as maybe I did.

"Hey want to see something?" I asked after my pee break.

"Always," Snape answered dutifully.

"Snape," I said and he almost said what, but I had placed my hand on his stomach, and the baby jumped. He took his hand away quickly like it burnt him.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Snape asked his voice sounding high and pitchy.

"The baby reacts to your name," I said smiling at his nervousness.

Snape slowly reached his hand back onto my stomach and I said his name again. The baby must have long legs because there were two different places where she kicked.

A/N Please read and review. And Sara, I am so glad to be back on your favorites.


	27. The Appointment

I am sitting in the bedroom waiting for this bloody doctor to show up. What the hell takes so long? All he has to do is think, "Snape Residence," and he is standing in our foyer. Even if he woke up ten minutes ago, he should be here by now. Needless to say I am not in a good mood.

I should be going into labor any day and I can already feel my body getting ready for it. My body is over heating, and I cant control my anger, although that never seemed a problem before.

I tapped my nails angrily on the bedside table and waited for Snape to life his head from his desk to tell me to stop. I did it again louder and more frequent.

"Stop," Snape called sounding exasperated and tired. He waited for me to protest and then went back to writing. After a moment I began again. Snape wheeled around to face me, anger evident in every inch of his face. "What have I done today? Hmm? What could I have done to annoy you so much that you feel to need to pick a fight with me at every spare moment?"

I felt my lip quiver as he yelled at me. I only wanted him to talk to me like a normal human being. Instead he wrote some bloody report, stating that indeed Dumbledore is alive. Alright so the entire Wizarding World is in rejoice mood because Dumbledore didn't die, Voldemort did. Only I can't enjoy it because my belly is too large, my feet are too bloated, and I need to pee every ten minutes. I've clocked it.

I allowed the tears to stream down my face and made a single sniffle to let him know my feelings were hurt. He turned back to me, instead of compassion or even regret, he looked annoyed again. Seriously this man has some nerve.

"Enough with the theatrics," Snape snapped irritably. I let out a long, over done sob. Snape glared at me. "I'm sorry alright?"

I shook my head once and crossed my arms as I sobbed again.

"I am very sorry that I yelled at you," Snape tried again.

"And?" I asked sniffing.

"I'm sorry that I don't have any sympathy for you because I am an old, mean, bitter man," Snape ticked off in a bored learned voice.

"Thank you. Apology accepted," I said sniffing. My tears instantly slipped away and Snape raised his eyes to the heavens.

"Sometimes you are too much for my patience," Snape muttered. Really do people think that just because I am with child, that I can not hear them when they insult me?

"I heard that," I snarled angrily. "Can you turn the cool air up or something? I feel like I'm in a Haitian prison," I spat with poison. Alright so I know that I can be annoying and whatever, but at this point I was sweating and uncomfortable with this whole pregnancy and could not wait to hold this baby in my arms. I missed seeing my feet.

Snape rolled his eyes and adjusted the thermometer slightly.

"What are you afraid it's going to cool the hell off in here? I'll even pay for all the extra air not cooling this oven," I snarled bitterly as he adjusted it only slightly.

"My, my this baby seems to pull the devil right on out of you," Snape said lightly but the sarcasm was still thickly imbedded in his words.

"No love, you unable to keep your hands off of me is what got me this way and for the LOVE OF MERLIN TURN THE FUCKING AIR ON! ARE YOU TRYING TO COOK ME OR SOMETHING?" I roared angrily even frightening myself. Snape seemed shell shocked for a moment and turned it up all the way.

"Happy?" Snape asked once again sarcastically.

"Do I look fucking happy?" I spat.

There was a pop from the foyer and then minutes later Lola appeared closely followed by a tiny, chubby woman who had nice rosy cheeks. I instantly felt at ease as she stepped into the room and shook my hand.

"Mrs. Snape I presume?" the woman asked me adjusting her glasses. She turned to look at Snape and smiled again. "Mr. Snape?"

"Sadly," I muttered. He heard me and glared at me again.

"Now I see we're a little uncomfortable for the time being," the woman continued stating the obvious. I hated that. It is my one and only pet peeve. Alright maybe not ONLY.

"Good eye," I snapped. The woman pursed her lips but continued to take my blood pressure.

"How far along are you?" the woman, who introduced herself as Rosie Meyers, asked grabbing a clip board and writing something down on it.

"Nine bloody months," I said fanning myself. "Did you put the bloody air on?"

"Yes and I put that Cooling Spell on you. If you're still hot I don't know what to tell you," Snape snarled. He turned back to the woman with a fake smile. "When should we expect her to be delivering?"

"What the hell is she a bloody Seer?" I snapped twisting my hair into a messy bun so it would stop sticking to my neck.

Snape glared at me again.

"If you aren't careful your face is going to get stuck like that," I said sarcastically. Snape opened his mouth to reply but was cut off when Rosie appeared this time lifting up my shirt.

"Now what have you been doing to speed up the process?" Rosie asked sticking her tongue out slightly in concentration as she squeezed on my stomach. I felt my bladder fill instantly.

"What process?" I snarled, angry that I was going to have to get up and pee now.

"The delivery," Rosie said talking to Snape, obviously thinking it was safer.

"Well…nothing really. I didn't know what would help her along. I…HATE to see her in so much discomfort. It really pains me," Snape finished so sarcastically I would have punched him into face if I wasn't stuck shoved into the pillows.

"He knocked me up on purpose," I snarled. Snape rolled his eyes.

"For the last time stop telling people that!" Snape snapped and grabbed my hand with a sharp tug. I felt myself righted and rubbed my shoulder joint.

"Next time just rip my arm right out of my socket," I snarled.

"Gladly," Snape snarled.

"How long have you been married?" Rosie asked looking slightly worried.

"Almost a year," Snape said turning back to her with a much pleasanter smile.

"Oh yes tell her that tale," I said wobbling into the bathroom. I returned a minute later to see Snape being showed a pamphlet.

"For home births," Rosie answered me when I gave her a questioning look.

"You slick son of a bitch!" I roared at Snape. "I told you that there was not a snowball's chance in hell I was giving birth here! The hospital has all the drugs!"

"Yes but you would be more at home here," Snape said reasonably ignoring my shaking body. Rage was coursing through me in a violent stream.

"I told you that if I'm having this baby that I decide where to have it and you said fine," I snarled.

"No I said we'll see. I saw, and I decided here was best," Snape replied giving me a look that told me to shut up.

"Oh YOU decided. I forgot you were having the baby! Right I carry it for nine months, I am the one who has to go through ungodly pain to have this baby, and I don't even get a say in WHERE I have it. So what else would you like to decide for me? I was planning on wearing my pink bra tomorrow, is that alright? I am also planning on taking a nap later because I cant seem to sleep at night because Hoover Snape likes to get drunk then snore like a fucking fog horn. Is that alright with you? Then maybe in a few months or so, I was going to stop breast feeding is that alright with you?" I roared. Rosie was glancing at us like we were nuts, I will point out a final time that we are.

"Will you calm down? What is your problem?" Snape matched my loud tones.

"I just told you numb-nuts!" I bellowed.

We stood in silence for a moment staring each other down until Snape rolled his eyes and turned back to Rosie and extracted the pamphlet and threw it away.

"There now what hospital would you like to have the baby in?" Snape asked reasonably crossing his arms.

I thought for a moment. "I want to have the baby here," I said and flounced back into bed.

Snape let out a sound like an angry cat and turned back to Rosie trying to stay calm.

"Do you see what I put up with?" Snape asked his voice all high and pitchy with the strain of not hexing me to death.

"Stop making our mid-wife take sides. I think she can decide who is craziest for herself," I snarled and fanned myself some more.

Snape and Rosie talked for a moment and then turned back to me.

"We're going to get a picture on the screen," Rosie said and a screen appeared when she snapped her fingers.

"Wonderful," I said sarcastically.

"You really are such a delight," Snape snapped at me.

"You best be quiet before I make this the last child you ever have," I snarled back and adjusted myself so Rosie could wave her hands over my stomach. Snape seemed to quiet down at my remark, only because he was afraid I would actually do something like that. I would.

"There, that is your baby," Rosie said sighing at the picture.

I stared at it as it moved slightly. I watched the foot move and seconds later felt the tiny fist kneading into my side. I laughed slightly and held onto it as I saw the baby move it's head slightly. It was really big.

"How the hell is that going to fit?" I asked turning to the nurse.

"Once again, you will expand," Snape replied still staring at the screen in what looked like awe.

"I forgot, besides being Dictator Snape, you are also Doctor Snape," I spat. He just turned my head back to the screen and I watched the baby move again. It reacted to our voices, it seemed used to our fighting.

"Would you like to know the sex?" Rosie asked taking out a sheet of paper.

"Yes!" I said as soon as Snape said no. I turned to him furiously.

"We have days to go, you can wait," Snape said firmly, leaving no room for an argument. I found a tiny crevice in which to attempt a fight.

"Asshole," I muttered so only he could hear me.

"Ah, the sweet nothings you whisper to me," Snape replied sarcastically.

Once again I had to fight the urge to smile. See this is how we show our love because if we didn't fight, then we wouldn't have make-up sex. Plus then we wouldn't talk and I would get really bored and whatever.

An hour later I was still fanning myself and Snape was still sitting at his desk scratching his quill noisily against the parchment.

"What did you buy the loudest fucking quill?" I snarled angrily. I was still sweaty, even though I had taken an ice cold bath.

"Just to annoy you," Snape replied. I bit back a stream of wicked comebacks and just concentrated on the little human being nestled inside of my womb.

A minute later I was bored.

"Entertain me," I whined angrily as he didn't respond the my calls.

"What are you like five?" Snape snapped.

"You know I wouldn't take that attitude with a five year old. You'd scare them," I warned.

"I'll keep that in mind," Snape said dryly.

"So are you going to talk to our child with all the warmth you saved for Harry?" I asked sarcastically.

"Oh no, I have a special batch waiting for it," Snape said looking up. "I am not going to be mean to my own child you twit."

"Careful with words like that I'm falling in love with you all over again," I replied slyly.

"What did you think I was going to be like Lucius Malfoy or something?" Snape asked taking off his glasses.

"By the way where is our deal pal Malfoy?" I asked picking a nail.

"Last I heard he and the family fled to Switzerland," Snape replied smirking.

"Good old Switz," I said sighing in fake happiness. I giggled when Snape rolled his eyes at me.

"Now I though maybe, if you're 'up' to it, we could take a walk in the park later on," Snape said still looking down at the paper, his quill writing quickly.

"Oh my god," I said.

"Now really it's nothing I just thought you'd like it," Snape said exasperatedly looking up.

"No…my water just broke," I said feeling the warmth pool between my legs. I turned to Snape panic sweeping through my entire body as realization slapping into me.

A/N Please read and review. Sorry for the wait.


	28. The TwentyFour Hour Labor of Love

"Alright let's just stay calm," I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Snape was staring at my horror struck. Seriously if he wasn't going to even try and help me, he would wait outside or something. Hell no is he staying in here and pissing me off.

"I'm calm," Snape retorted in a shaking voice. I didn't even have enough will to roll my eyes and heaved myself up. Snape snapped to attention and gently pulled me to my feet. "Where the bloody hell do you think you're going?" Snape asked sounding frightened.

"Oh I thought I'd go for a walk," I snarled sarcastically. "We need to change the sheets, call what's-her-name, I need to change into something that doesn't have uterus water all over it, and I need to get my mother here right now. So what I am going to ask you to do, is call my mother, the medi-witch, and change the sheets and if you cant do any of that speak up now and then get me someone who can," I ordered in a calm voice. I was surprised that I was remaining so calm, I had nightmares where I would be so shocked that I wouldn't speak and Snape wouldn't be home and the baby came out…and they were just horrible.

"Alright go change and I will get everything ready," Snape said snatching at the sheets and pulling them off the bed. I took in a shuddering breath and walked into the closet. What to wear? I could wear my…no that wouldn't be right.

Finally I just pulled on a loose nightgown that came down above my knees and had spaghetti straps. It also had buttons so I could unsnap it and breastfeed when she gets here. Ok so no pain as of now but someone told me that it hurts like a mother f-er. I am seriously not looking forward to shoving this baby out of me.

I walked back into the bedroom to see Snape standing at the bed slipping new pillow cases on the bed. I gave him a small smile and began to walk over to the bed.

"Ow!" I screeched. Holy mother of everything beautiful that was the most pain I've been in my entire life. I clutched onto my stomach and nearly fell if Snape's, Death Eater/geeky kid running away from bullies, reflexes hadn't kicked in and he caught me.

"Did it hurt?" Snape asked stupidly. He seemed to realize his mistake because he quickly got out of my reach.

"What did we discuss?" I snarled settling into the pillows, my entire body contracting in pain.

"I'm not allowed to speak until spoken to and then if I ask a stupid question in my designated speaking time I am not allowed to stay in the room," Snape recalled in a bored and angry voice.

"Very good. Did you call Rosie?" I asked taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Snape nodded and began to pour water from his wand.

"She should be here within the hour," Snape said sponging my head.

"Stop it," I snapped and swatted his hand away. "What do you mean an hour? What else could she possibly be doing? She's OUR medi-witch. She is supposed to wait nine months until I have the baby!" I screamed.

"Well because you didn't…realize that you were pregnant until you were four months, then ran away for another two, and continued to tell me that you didn't want a medi-witch for another month, she was all I could do on such short notice. You have to share," Snape said handing me a glass of water.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" I asked in a deadly whisper.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Snape replied also matching my deadly tone.

"Don't talk to me like that you asshole," I snarled.

"What a wonderful roll model you are already making for our child!" Snape said sarcastically.

**One Hour Later**

"Where is everyone?" I moaned as another contraction racked through my body.

"Your parents weren't home and the owl never returned the letter, it must still be looking for them. You said that there was no way in any magical and non-magical plane Ron and Harry would be allowed here, and Rosie is still with that other woman. Imagine, an hour after she left you went into labor. If only you weren't so damn stubborn," Snape said shrugging. I didn't like his tone. It was like he was joking with me! I am in the worst pain known to woman kind and this blistering little git was mocking me!

"Get me someone that isn't you!" I roared and sent a cup flying at his head. He caught it and placed it on the table, then he checked out very quickly. I looked around the room and caught sight of the baby room. Wow, by tomorrow morning there was going to be a baby in there. Holy shit!

"Mione!" a familiar voice rang through the room.

"Ginny!" I cried dissolving into tears of relief that I had someone to talk to. "Oh my god this hurts so much and our stupid medi-witch is delivering some other woman's baby, the lucky bitch, and I just don't like this! And Snape keeps making fun of me!"

"Ok, it's alright," Ginny said soothingly patting my hand. Snape walked back in and I felt another lurch of something or other and I held out my other hand for him.

**One Hour Later**

Ok now I am just plain bored. My contractions are being clocked at like one every fifteen minutes or something. So for those fifteen minutes me and Snape just talk and now he's getting bored and loosing concentration.

"Do you want me to rub your back?" Snape offered after a minute.

"I would love that," I said and got up.

"Kneel down," Snape instructed.

"I am not giving you a blow job now!" I bellowed.

Snape closed his eyes as though looking for strength to go on. He finally let out a breath and opened his eyes to look at me. "I mean turning into the bed so I can massage your back. Actually if you want to just lean over I can do it fine."

I leaned over the bed. "Don't try anything," I warned.

"Where the hell am I going to stick it? I think our child's head is already poking out the only place I would put it," Snape snarled and kneaded my back.

"You mean you've never put it in the other way?" I asked in a joking voice. "I thought you were a Death Eater?"

"For the last time that isn't what we did!" Snape yelled and stopped rubbing my back in frustration.

"I'm sorry please continue," I said and placed his hand back on my back. He slowly began to rub it again and I leaned my head against a stack of pillow.

"What in the heavens are you doing?" someone screamed from the doorway.

Alright so I guess that didn't look good. You know me bent over and moaning while Snape was pressed into me making all sort of huffy motions because I kept teasing him by saying something about him being gay.

Rosie stood in the doorway and I felt Snape step back. "I was just giving her a massage," Snape said scowling and sat back down. I crawled back into bed and let Rosie take my pulse.

"Dear, dear," Rosie muttered to herself.

"What?" I said quickly.

"Nothing darling! Now please spread them and we'll see what we're dealing with. Dad do you want to see your baby?" Rosie asked smiling at Snape. She obviously doesn't know who we are.

Snape looked at me and I shrugged. What does it matter? This is how we got like this. He got up and walked around the bed and Rosie check to see how dilated I was. Snape was just staring down there like it was a good book.

"What are you staring at?" I snapped moodily.

"Nothing good," Snape muttered to himself but I heard him.

"You didn't seem to mind going down there and knocking me up you sick son of a bitch! I swear the first thing I'm going to do is rip your balls off and shove them in a blender then make you drink them!" I roared.

"You know you don't want your foul words to be the first thing this baby hears," Snape said sarcastically.

"Bite me you greasy little bastard," I snapped back.

"Well aren't we just a delight," Snape said once again with a little too much sarcasm.

"This coming from the ex-Death Eater who kidnapped me then forced me into marriage after he deflowered me, then got me pregnant," I retorted.

"Are you ever going to give that up?" Snape roared.

"Nope in fact I'm going to put it right on your tombstone," I said shifting slightly.

"How can you be certain that you're going to live longer than me?" Snape asked smirking.

"Because if you don't shut the hell up right now I'm going to kill you," I snarled. The smirk instantly left and he retreated to his chair.

**Yet Another Hour Later**

Still no baby. I am in so much pain!

"Son of a fucking bitch!" I moaned as the contractions became more frequent. "This would have never happened if last year, I had simply accepted Mrs. Weasley's invitation and went to her house for the summer instead of going out to that stupid book reading! As Rosie as my witness I will never read another book again!"

**Ten Minutes Later**

"What are you reading?" I asked Snape. He turned to look at me sideways. I made him turn his chair around so I could hold his hand during those contractions were you just want lightening to strike you dead. Or that the baby would just get the hell out already.

"Can I read it?" I asked making a grab for it. He held it out of my reach.

"I thought as god as your witness you would never read again," Snape said innocently.

"I'll say anything with fourteen painkillers in me," I snarled and was handed the book. "What the hell is this? It's all in like Latin or something."

"Some of us wizards can speak many languages. It comes in handy when we must speak in code," Snape replied lightly while grabbing another book behind him.

"I don't understand any of this," I said sadly and looked at the cover of his other book. I snatched it from him.

"Wha-? Hey!" Snape said and grabbed it back.

"Just let me look," I said.

"No just stop it. You're going to hurt yourself," Snape replied trying to glide me back into bed.

"Just let me- Son of a Bitch!" I screamed and held onto my stomach. "Ow!"

"See," Snape chided like a child. He placed me back into bed and covered my legs up even though they're supposed to be propped up and open. Hell no! Not only do I not want just anyone to see my lovely, I am not taking the extra chance that this baby is just going to shoot out like a cannon and smack into the wall opposite of me. How would we get all the blood and gunk out of the antique wall paper?

**24 Pain-filled, Hours Later**

**Still No Baby**

"This is totally your child! I have never in my life met anyone so stubborn," I moaned piteously. It was like six at night and I was still awake, still in labor. Snape has sat beside me all day, only getting up to use the loo or talk to the people who have been banished to the living room. Mainly my mother and Ginny because they kept asking if it hurt. If you hear someone screaming, "Holy shit! Mother fucker!" and clutching their stomach, assume they are in pain.

"You have already blamed this on me," Snape pointed out looking exhausted.

"I'm so tired!" I groaned.

"Take a nap," Snape suggested.

"I cant! What the hell is taking so long? I have half a mind to just reach in there and grab it out! It's like a two foot push! Do you think the head is too big? Oh my god I am going to be stuck like this forever!" I said feeling myself tear up again.

"Shh of course you aren't," Snape said in an annoyed voice that comforted me. If he was back to being annoyed with me then I knew it wouldn't be that much longer. Last night he almost seemed like a normal, caring person. With real life feelings and everything. He thought I was sleeping and he was using baby language to talk to the baby! It freaked me out so much. We still haven't discussed it though. I don't know how to bring it up.

"You don't speak to the baby like that," I said in a pouty voice but I couldn't help giggling. Snape colored slightly and turned away from me. I began to laugh hysterically and only stopped when the most painful contraction I have had so far, ripped through my body.

"Did that hurt?" Snape asked in what I THOUGHT was a caring voice. I nodded. "Good." Asshole.

**Two Hours Later**

"Are you ready to push?" Rosie asked me. I stared at her in fright. I had to push it out? I totally forgot! I looked at Snape and saw he looked worried and his face was all drawn like the time that he saw Moody at school for the first time.

"No," I moaned and clutched on to Snape. He took me by the shoulders and crouched down to my eye level. Then he talked to me in a whisper that only I could hear.

"You can do this. You are the strongest person I know and the fact that you have lasted so long is just another example of that. Now this baby is counting on you…I'm counting on you. You can do this, c'mon," Snape said and I stared at him for a moment and nodded. He stood up and held onto my hand firmly.

I pushed myself down until Rosie told me to stop, then I bared down. I really was not having a good time. This was the weirdest/coolest thing I had ever done. Mind you the pain was really unbearable towards the end. I pushed for a few minutes and then I felt as if this giant discomfort slipped away from me and I heard the most remarkable thing I have ever heard in my entire life: My daughter's cry. I gasped and felt tears coming into my eyes as a clean towel was placed on my chest and then was replaced seconds later with a baby. I glanced at her and she just looked at me and sighed. She didn't cry anymore she just looked me over. I noticed Snape had come around me and she looked up at him and I swear she smiled. They say babies cant smile that young, but she did for him. I gasped again and looked up at his face. He was smiling, a genuine smile not that freaky smile he does when he's caught you out of bed or just kidnapped you or something, and touched her cheek. Then he looked me right in the eye and it happened. A sort of breeze whipped by and he kissed me. A real kiss that held all the love we could muster for each other at the time. It was the beginning of our family. This baby was going to do it. She was going to make us the Snape's…I guess that sounds right.

"Alright are you ready to push again?" Rosie asked again and we turned to look at her.

"WHAT?"

A/N I am so sorry I didn't update before but Wednesday night I had an anxiety attack or something equally retarded, I don't if you know what they are, but I had to like sleep it off because I didn't get to sleep until like 2 and then I had to get up at 5 and get ready for school. So my mother made me stay off the computer, she's thinks I've become addicted or something, and nap for the rest of the after noon. This is not the end but I do not know how long I want to take this. I was thinking maybe a few more chapters, or I could begin sort of like a second story after this and make it about their family or something. Let me know!

Also for all the people who are going to tell me that babies don't smile minutes after birth, not to sound stupid, but I did. We have it on tape and everything, so I know that they can. Plus I am just so damn amazing that I defy the laws of life…hehe. I crack myself up.


	29. Why One Should Never Bicker

_Recap: "Are you ready to push again?" _

"_WHAT?"_

I literally stopped breathing. What the hell did this crazy woman say? Am I ready to push again. Haha.

"Excuse me?" I asked as politely as I could. Snape had my daughter in his hands and looked like he was going to drop her soon if someone didn't say something sane.

"You weren't listening were you?" Rosie asked sounding angry.

"When?" I said my voice all crazy and whatever.

"The two of you were bickering and I pointed it out to you and then when I asked if you saw it you both looked guilty and said yes," Rosie said placing her hands on her hips.

I frowned and saw Snape do the same. I tried desperately to think back…

_Flashback_

"_I really hate you! I hope you rot in hell for all of eternity!" I yelled angrily at Snape who just rolled his eyes. _

"_Really? And then people ask me why I don't express my love for as often!" Snape yelled back._

"…_and the twins look to be identical but I could be wrong. I usually am. I think it looks like girls, but once again I could be wrong. I wish I had brought my magic…I could go back for it. Would you like that?" Rosie asked us politely. _

"_Fuck you!" I bellowed at Snape. _

"_I believe that's why we're here," Snape replied easily. _

_There was a pause. _

"_Did you two listen to a word I've been telling you?" Rosie asked angrily. _

_Another pause. We looked at each other sheepishly. _

"_Of course," we said at the same time. _

"_Well would you like me to?" Rosie asked again. _

"_No we don't want to make more of an inconvenience," Snape replied and I could see the gears working furiously in his head. He was wondering exactly what happened while we were screaming at each other._

"_Well if you're sure," Rosie said and looked at me doubtfully. I just smiled and nodded my head. She turned and left the room and I turned to Snape. _

"_What did we miss?" I asked quickly. He just shrugged. _

"_I couldn't hear over your wish for my early departure," Snape hissed. _

_I growled at him and waved good-bye to Rosie. _

"_Now we'll be ready for these little darlings any day now," Rosie said but I was too busy trying to magic the cup of water to smash into Snape's head. _

"_Alright," I mumbled distracted. "Thanks."_

"_No problem," Rosie mumbled and left the house. _

_End of Flashback_

"Oh my god," I whispered in horror. Snape closed his eyes angrily and turned to me.

"What are we going to do?" Snape asked me sounding worried.

"Well she is going to have to push soon or this baby is going to die. You are going to go into the living room and show off that baby and just wait for the second one to arrive," Rosie snapped sounding outraged that we didn't listen at all.

"I need him here. Please don't leave me," I said grabbing onto Snape in fright. He looked at me and I saw something pretty close to compassion sizzle into his eyes.

"I wont," Snape replied easily and handed our daughter over to some other older woman.

"Mrs. Snape? I need you to push. Can you do that?" Rosie asked me but my mind was spinning out of focus.

_Flashback_

_Hogwarts was filled with students and I walked slowly up to the stool where a grungy hat was sitting peacefully. I swallowed my nerves and placed the hat on my head. It jumped alive and a voice began to whisper into my ear. _

"_Brains…such smarts for a tiny girl. Ravenclaw would be best for you…But wait? What's this here? Bravery. So much potential! You seem desperate to show people that you're not afraid of who you are. I think I know where to put you! GRYFFINDOR!"_

_I jumped down from the stool and began to walk back to the cheering table. My legs were weak and shaking. I took my seat and glanced around for the first time. Everything was so amazing. My eyes began to travel along a long table filled with real angry people all the way to another table filled with teachers. I already knew all about them because I must have read all the books on Hogwarts as I could. _

_I finally settled onto a young man who must have been in his early thirties. He was looking bored as ever and kept glancing moodily at the young students. Despite myself I smiled. I didn't know why it happened but it did. _

_I turned to Percy Weasley and nudged him. He turned to me with a warm smile. _

"_Yes Hermione?" he asked politely. _

"_Who's that?" I asked in a low whisper. _

"_Professor Snape," Percy said also in a low voice. "Very biased Potions teacher. You don't want to make him angry. He can get very, very nasty. Just ask the twins," Percy said nodding at Fred and George who were craning their necks to look at Ron. I simply nodded but found myself become entranced with everything he did. It wouldn't be long before me crush developed into a full grown, reasonable love._

_End of Flashback_

"Hermione?" Snape asked nudging me. I turned to him and nodded again. I bit down on my lip and pushed again. I did so for another minute when there was another scream and the baby slid out of me.

"Girl!" Rosie yelled happily and handed me our second daughter.

I fell back into the bed sleepily. Snape kissed me again, this time with even more passion. I kissed him back and felt him brushing my hair on my forehead.

"Hermione?" Snape asked me again and I was handed both our daughters.

"Yeah?" I asked sleepily.

"I love you," Snape said in a low voice.

I looked up at him and smiled. "I love you too."

He simply nodded and took the youngest girl and cradled her gently in his arms. "What are we going to call them?" Snape asked reasonably.

"I think I want her," I gestured to the baby in my hands, "to be Lorelai."

Snape looked over at me and I saw a smile on his face. "I like it. I want her," he gestured to the baby in his hands, "to be Isabelle."

I smiled again. Leave it to Snape to pick the sweetest baby name there is and give it to our daughter.

"I like it," I said simply. "Alright so we have Lorelai Elizabeth Snape and Isabelle…?"

"Eileen," Snape said turning slightly pink. I however nodded happily and kissed his cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Like I just gave birth to twins," I said miserably. "I cant believe we fought through the entire thing. We really are unfit parents! We missed the day we found out we were having twins."

"Yeah well," Snape replied all carefree and such.

**One Week Later**

Babies cry so much! All they have done is eat, sleep and CRY! I have not slept correctly in days! One baby will be sleeping all peacefully and the other will wake up wailing and then as soon as I settled the other one down, Isabelle will start and re-wake Lorelai!

"Shh," I said soothingly switching the baby around so that she was leaning onto my shoulder. She made small baby sobs and gripped onto my shirt tightly and I smiled to myself. "It's alright. Momma's got you." Lorelai sniffled again and slowly began to go back to sleep as I gently rocked back and forth. Another minute later she was sleeping peacefully against my shoulder. I slipped her back into her crib next to Isabelle.

I crept silently back into bed and collapsed into it. Snape turned over and put his arm around me. Twenty minutes later there was another cry and I slipped out of bed and walked back into the babies room. I picked up Isabelle and rocked her. Snape came up behind me and slammed a tape player onto the changing table. I turned to him questioningly but he just turned it on and all these swishy noises started from the speakers. Isabelle drifted back to sleep and I went back to bed with Snape.

"I told you it would work," Snape said in a thick, sleep deprived voice.

I didn't even have enough strength to say anything. I couldn't because my eyes were closing and my body was slowly relaxing into sleep.

The next morning dawned bright and early. Six in the morning there was a small sniffle and Snape sat up.

"I got it," Snape said yawning and stumbled into the room. I felt myself well up with love and began to cry without control. "Oh not you too!" Snape said coming back into the room with a baby in his hands and a bottle firmly held to her lips.

"I'm sorry," I snuffled with a wet smile.

"Cripes," Snape mumbled and walked back into the room. I slipped out of bed and walked in.

He was singing a song to one baby, while the other baby had his finger firmly. He had such an abundance of love in his eyes that I couldn't stop the smile from coming onto my lips.

"I love you," I said suddenly. He turned to me surprised.

"I love you too," Snape said and hesitated then turned back to the babies. I walked over to the crib and tipped Lorelai into my arms. Snape smiled at me and we both slowly began to feed the babies.

First of all, there is no way I am breastfeeding two babies. I did the first week and I was told that I should stop now because they need to get used to the bottle. So we use the bottle so that I don't have to get up at all hours of the night. Snape also gave me a potion so I don't bleed and another one so that my weight is slowly slipping back to normal. Also any stretch marks I have instantly slipped away.

"My parents are coming over today," I said to him. He turned to me and nodded once. I looked at the tiny baby in my arms and felt another swoop of love.

Lorelai Elizabeth Snape was born at eight-oh-two in the morning of Sunday March 11, 1998. She weighed about eight pounds which is a big ass baby for twins but Rosie said I did amazing.

Isabelle Eileen Snape was born at eight-oh-four in the morning of Sunday March 11, 1998. She weighed seven pounds eleven ounces.

Snape has been an idiot and made me fall in love with him all over again. I mean sometimes the Lorelai will begin to cry and he'll get up quickly so I can drift back to sleep. Or he'll make me breakfast in bed or he'll lay aside articles from the paper that he thinks I might like. Then he gets all upset and embarrassed when I cry or kiss him.

After the girls fell back asleep we stumbled back into the bedroom and lay on the bed not moving.

"Why did you save me?" I asked quietly. Snape didn't answer right away. At first I thought he was back asleep and was all ready to get angry and whatever but then he turned to me seriously.

"What do you mean?" Snape asked now I could tell he didn't want to answer me.

"Why did you not hand me over right away?" I asked staring at him with rapt attention.

"I don't know," Snape finally answered.

"What kind of answer is that?" I snapped at him.

"My kind of answer," Snape replied smoothly.

"Oh don't try that crap with me," I snapped. "You saved me because you loved me."

"Did not," Snape replied angrily and I felt his cheeks flame up.

"Yes you did!" I cried giggling. "And it must have been such a turn on to know that you were saving me from death and that you would forever be me knight in shining armor," I sighed.

"Oh shut up," Snape said and I felt him blush again. I giggled wildly and turned to face him.

"I'm thankful," I whispered into his ear. He just nodded, cheeks still ablaze. "When did you fall in love with me?"

"I am not answering that!" Snape yelled angrily and turned over.

"Oh come on! If you do I will," I said and must have caught his attention because he made a small noise that sounded like a tut.

"Fine," Snape said after a minute. "You go first."

"No you," I said. Snape turned to me with the look he gets when someone doesn't do what he says. "I just gave birth to your children! You go."

Snape growled angrily and cleared his throat. "It was at the Headquarters," Snape mumbled in a barely audible voice. I raised my eyebrows.

"I'm sorry where?" I asked innocently. Snape glared at me.

"Headquarters," he repeated angrily.

"Why?" I asked sounding shocked.

"I had never seen you away from school and you just seemed much more relaxed and you were also much prettier that year," Snape said shrugging.

I just looked at him for a moment.

"Are you insinuating that I wasn't always pretty?" I asked in an outraged voice.

"Of course not," Snape replied and I relaxed, the anger fading from me. "Some men find buck teeth and big hair a turn on," Snape said in a voice I didn't recognize. He was joking with me!

I hit him in the shoulder as he laughed.

"Your turn," he said calming down.

"I am not talking now," I said and turned over.

"Hermione Jane Granger are you going back on your word?" Snape asked in a shocked voice. I growled and turned to look at him.

"I guess it was the first time I saw you. You just seemed so…I don't know, bored. You looked bored and huffy and I thought you seemed funny. Then I met you and saw that you were the farthest person from funny. Also you were always criticizing everything I did. And I loved it," I said stopping.

"You loved it?" Snape asked in another shocked voice.

"Yes you knew that in the real world there wasn't any room for mistakes and that they shouldn't be tolerated," I replied rolling my eyes. "That's what you were going for right?"

"In all sixteen years no one has ever looked at it like that. I just didn't like you," Snape said.

There was another pause and I started to giggle. Soon we were laughing and only stopped when we heard two tiny cries.

A/N Please read and review. Not the funniest chapter but I have everything planned.


	30. Christmas Morning Reflections

"Get up," he hissed.

"Never," I cried pulling the covers over my eyes. He nudged me again and I grumbled bitterly. "Ten more minutes!"

"You said that fifteen minutes ago!" Snape cried wrenching the blanket off of me. I shielded my eyes in horror and continued to moan and thrash around dramatically. "Very funny. Get up, get dressed, and let's go." He walked out of the room and into the baby's room where the sudden whimpering stopped.

Alright so I'll get up, I guess. I don't want to, I am so sleepy, but I will. It is my girls first Christmas and I don't want them to miss anything. Granted they are only nine months and I highly doubt they realize what day it is exactly. I don't mind though.

"I'm up," I called and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I was flossing Snape walked in carrying both girls, one in each arm. He seemed to master the art of doing everything with your feet. Picking things up, opening doors, getting someone's attention.

"You're up," Snape commented.

"Good eye Cappie," I remarked sarcastically.

"Huh?" Snape asked turning to me with that same amused expression he always wears.

"Cappie…You know, Captain Obvious…Never mind," I said shrugging feebly as he shook his head and went about kicking the laundry onto the bed.

Lorelai reached out to me and I took her into my arms as Snape easily bent down with only one baby burdening him down. As he picked up his socks he gently rocked Isabelle back and forth gently so she didn't begin to cry every time he bent down. If someone was holding onto me and kept leaning over so I nearly fell out of their arms, I would totally be screaming. No one like their head smacking into the ground, well I'm sure someone out there does, but no one in this house.

"What time do they get here?" I asked lightly as I dressed Lorelai who was chewing on her chubby little fist as though it were a lollie.

"One," Snape said shifting Isabelle 'Ellie'. I nodded once and replaced Lorelai's jumper with a red velvet dress with tiny little Christmas trees on them. "She's got my nose again," Snape muttered trying to loosen Ellie's vice grip as she held onto his nose.

I giggled and picked her up so that she was reaching innocently into air as though searching for the toy that had held her attention for those choice moments. She smiled at Snape, her big brown eye watching him, waiting for him to walk back into grabbing distance.

Each of the girls had his thick, black hair that covered their heads in small black curls. However they seemed to inherit my big brown eyes that sparkled whenever they were happy or excited. Which for a baby I don't know how many times a day those emotions pass through them, but sometimes I think I see it. I wouldn't know though, I am not a doctor, just a mother with a good instinct.

Oh I also totally began my new job at the Ministry. They seemed to readily want to give me one after everything that had happened to me, also because my genius-ness seemed to sky-rocket over the year. Which I must say is amazing. I got smarter just by living with Snape, I think it was all the potions I was researching so if worse came to worse I was planning on shoving down his throat. Sadly I started falling in love with him, then badda boom…instant Hermione Snape. Kind of like what happened between my parents. Only my mother wasn't forced into marriage by her evil potions master. She fell in love and readily married my father after seven years of friendship as children. Which is somewhat similar to me and Snape, only then it isn't. No matter really, we're married and happy and I have two amazing babies to account for.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked suddenly struggling with Lorelai who seemed to be looking for a chance to escape. "Are you staring into space?"

"Yes," I said and smiled at him. He rolled his eyes and took Lorelai 'Rory' out of the room into her playpen where she picked up her stuffed hippo and began chewing thoughtfully onto the ear. He attempted to tug it out of her mouth only to meet it slapped against his face instead.

"She takes after you, you know," he snapped as he passed me. I just smiled knowingly, of course she did. They both did, they were smart and snarky, quiet and sneaky, gorgeous and full of life. They were both of us. I could tell Isabelle was going to be the more Snape-like of the twins, just because she always fights back. If I attempt to wash her, she scoops a handful of water into my face. Then she giggles about it, making Lorelai giggle along with her and soon the room is filled with that chubby laughter.

"What time is it?" I called to Snape.

"I don't know. What time is it?" he asked.

I paused completely at a loss for words. "I don't know that's why I'm asking you!"

"Alright…What time do you think it is?" he asked again. I stood there and just tried to suppress my anger which was always close to the surface.

"Never mind," I snarled. As I walked over to the playpen and dumped Ellie in, I glanced at the clock. Nine in the morning, amazing time for my present to Snape.

So we haven't really had sex, but what married couple does? Besides Mrs. Weasley who seemed to go at it every year and six months. But once again those thoughts should stay shut up in a tiny box with a padlock and many spells which I will forget.

Right now all that is about to change because for one of my two gifts for Snape, I am going to have sex with him. Bloody brilliant huh? Majorly cliché, but I think he may want sex more than the set of books I saw him lusting over in Diagon Alley. I would totally want sex more then books, which is truly saying something. Mind you I have only had sex twice, but both times have had amazing things happen afterwards, well mostly during. Of course last time I ended up getting pregnant and married…Eh.

"Have you seen my-?" Snape trailed off as I walked into the room with a sexy smirk. I judged all my smiles before hand so that I could see what made me look luscious and what made me look ill. "What's up?"

"Well, hopefully, in a few minutes you," I purred making my way over to him. He continued to stare at me as though I was crazy, once again I am no need to point it out.

"Are you alright?" Snape asked cautiously as I came close enough to reach right out and pull his nose. I didn't though because for his daughter it is funny and sweet, for his wife it's annoying and possibly an insult.

"I'm fine," I crooned leaning over and planting a small kiss on his cheek, just below his earlobe. I felt him gulp and glance nervously at the door.

"Hermione-" he began but I had pushed him into the desk roughly and kissed him firmly on the lips. He opened his mouth eagerly to accept my tongue as it snaked it's way in carefully. My hands slid all the way down his body as he let out a faint moan and placed his hands on my shoulders.

With a small wave of his hand the door flew shut and I crawled onto the bed suggestively. He quickly knocked my flat on my back, turned me over, and continued his kissing.

Soon came the fondling, then the rubbing, then the sex. Once it was over I just lay there against him wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't been kidnapped. Obviously I would still be single and possibly still a virgin. I wouldn't have my daughters, who I couldn't imagine my life without, and Snape. As funny as it sounds, Snape has been a constant in my life that I was never given. I always knew my father was there, but he was so awkward that he didn't really comfort me. I was always expecting Harry to go off and die and leave me alone, as horrible as it sounds I did. Ron, well, Ron was just Ron. He never really offered any real comfort that was long lasting, sure I would be cheered up for the moment, but the second I was laying in my room thinking, it would deflate.

Snape however stuck in there with me long after he could have very well given me back to the Order. He trusted me and told me things that I am pretty sure he has never told anyone else, and despite myself I love him for it. Sure sometimes I want to shove his head into a blender or take out my wand and blast his balls off, but I love him. No matter what he does he will always be the father of my children, the man in my life, possibly the love of my life. He made me live a life I would never really have had he not kidnapped and lied to me for months. I've heard of relationships starting with worse…not many but a few.

He must have always loved me…Or that is what I like to tell myself when these thoughts start coming into my mind. I mean why would Snape, a man who has so profusely announced his hate for me, accept me into his home for half a year if there wasn't some sort of romantic love? I was on my most annoying and he didn't kill me, which I was sure would have happened. I mean hearing about what I did, Ginny winced at all the right moments and giggled correctly. Sure I am still mad at the entire Order, and sometimes Snape and my parents, but I think about what I have, and what I wouldn't have, and it's just better this way. Sure I don't like the fact that I was tricked into thinking I was going to die, no ones does! But even if I was just staying with Snape, or in close quarters with him for a while, I would have fallen in love with him. I think some part of me always was and because he was so close for so long didn't help it.

"Do you think they heard us?" Snape asked suddenly and I turned to him smirking. He continued to look at the doors with his concentration.

"The babies? I don't think so," I said laughing slightly. "You aren't reading their mind are you?" I asked quizzically and he scowled.

"No," he snapped and began to trace a line from my arm to my stomach. "I was just wondering if we could do that again…"

"I think we might," I said casually and kissed his cheek. "I might need some talking into."

"You are a stubborn bitch," Snape growled into my ear.

"Once again, with words like that I can't help fall in love with you all over again," I remarked sarcastically. He just kissed me again and I rubbed his cheek.

"Good," he muttered heavily and I giggled.

Twenty minutes later I was stepping out of the shower as Snape played with the girls on the bed. Something deep inside of me told me that no matter what had or should have happened, I wouldn't be happier here. How could I be?

Before I was a cold, stuck up, frigid bitch. I would have been one of those witches who entire life revolves around the Ministry and the work she does there. I wouldn't have gotten married, any boyfriends I did manage to obtain I would probably chase away because of my attitude. Oh mother of Miranda! I would have been Dolores Umbridge…

"Snape?" I called and he looked up as Ellie successfully latched onto his nose.

"Ya?" he asked smiling at me.

"I love you," I said quickly.

He watched me for a moment and then nodded once and went back to playing. That was all I needed.

A/N Please read and review. This may or may not be the end. I am thinking about a sequel or maybe just going on with this or possible just making a final chapter. Needless to say I need someone to give me some feedback. I loved writing this story and if enough positive showing, I would love to go on with it. However if I don't get enough I will just assume the fan fiction world had seen enough of this fic and will kindly put it on the back burner for the rest of forever.

p.s. sorry for the wait. I had a case of writers block.


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